Crazy Chester Handicaps the Presidential Race

Al Gautreaux, Action News Reporter, was looking for another angle on the Presidential race, since that dead horse was not sufficiently flayed to satisfy the political fanboys and fangirls such as religiously read the Huff Post or watch Fox News or MSNBC. As it was a lazy afternoon, and his news editor wanted some footage for the 10:00 News, Al decided to press the Easy Button and interview Crazy Chester, noted New Orleans equine actuarial and general commentator.

"So, Crazy Chester, what do you see as the likely outcome this Presidential election?"

"Ah, mah friend Al, it looks like a claiming horse race late in season in a leaky roof track. I see it as a pair of plugs running and hopefully not going to the glue factory."

"Oh, how so, Chester?"

"Well, it's like dis.  Obama he went out of the chute pretty strong, but faded in the backstretch.   He won only because the previous race churned the track up serious and the McCain entry was paired with a skittish filly.  And Romney is an odd horse running sore plus his jockey doesn't know when to use the whip. 

Al Gautreaux asked, "Crazy Chester, can you clarify what you mean?"

"Oh Al. Lissen here. I'll put it in football talk. Think about these candidates being like football teams in the Southeastern Conference. That being so, dis Barack Obama is like Mississippi State or Tennessee. Kind of weak or so-so, so if the Republicans came up with a candidate that wasn't half bad, he'd be a one-term President. It's sayonara, Baby!"

Al Gautreaux pondered this simile a bit, and understood.  Not bad for someone in television news.

"Yes, and Mitt Romney is Vanderbilt or Kentucky, even with Karl Rowe as trainer."

"Will whomever Romney chooses as his V.P. running mate make him a more viable candidate?

"No, Cap'n. Not unless he chooses Scarlett Johanssen as a running mate."