Thursday, November 1, 2018

Detention in Heaven

November 1st is, among Louisianans, All Saints' Day: the day in which they honor less-important saints not prominent enough to merit their own feast days or having any Heavenly Pull. It's a high Holy Day; and it's also the day to spruce up the graves of loved ones in preparation for All Souls' Day (November 2). Lousianans are given to piety sometimes; but we don't overdo it.

But in Heaven November 1st it takes on a different twist: this is the day in which all of the guardian angels that fell asleep on the job the day before spend the day in Angel Detention because of their failures in proper supervision of their mortals. Yes, Heaven is a place of bliss; but sometimes the bliss is a little thin, if you know what I mean. Anyway, let us look into that dismal scene:

Here is Angel Second Class Melanie, who helped the human she supposedly watched over as she  toilet papered the whole neighborhood. Lazy Melanie! She helped paper the Jones's house, herself.

And Angel Third Class Marie, dressed provocatively as a pirate. Her human scandalized everyone her costume the previous night. And Marie's timbers got shivered also.

Angel Third Class Tom managed to get drunk with his human, and was still sleeping it off. This is the best way to cope with a celestial detention.

Angel First Class Matt's human was a preacher who dared to have a Halloween party at the church rec room, as opposed to a Fall Festival as the Godly would prefer they be called nowadays. Matt's human was almost stricken from fellowship, but he had taken several of the deacons to lunch at Hooters' last month and they did not wish to curtail those pleasures.

Archangel William was sent to detention for keeping bad companionship. It's a crying shame when your human is a member of the U.S. Senate. He was said to mutter, "I worked so hard to become an archangel and this is the assignment I get?"

Poor Apprentice Angel Steve: he participated in igniting fires in several garbage cans.

Angel Second Class Jennifer and her human put laundry detergent in the fountain and it foamed for days.

Archangel Mickey got clemency because he was unfortunate enough to draw an aspirant Presidential candidate as his human. Archangel Gabriel's view was, "This poor snook has suffered enough by listening to all the speeches."

Angel Third Class Cecilia ran an old blouse up a flagpole. Her human behaved even more poorly.

Righteous Archangel Clara came to detention wearing Mardi Gras beads; she was sent there for "causing a scandal."

Hollywood Angel Second Class Lindsay made the clubs for a solid week without requiring a washing of her lingerie hamper.

But by far, the harshest detention punishment was meted out to Angel First Class Scott, whose human slipped the Straight and Narrow, and passed out religious tracts decrying Halloween instead of the candy and other treats given by the righteous. While in this angelic detention, he was treated as a pariah!