It's time for imaginative similes to the condition of being useless. Here's a few:
As useless as . . . .
1. a screen door on a submarine.
2. ejection seats in a helicopter.
3. a knitted condom.
4. a color blind interior decorator.
5. a condom machine in the Vatican.
6. a ham sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah.
7. a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
8. tits on a boar hog.
9. handles on a snowball.
10. a pen without ink.
11. a grave robber in a crematorium.
12. Captain Hook at a gynecologists' convention.
13. a wooden frying pan.
14. a rubber bill on a woodpecker.
15. a chocolate teapot.
16. a fart in a space suit.
17. whistling psalms to a horse.
18. a box of Moon Pies at a dietician's office.
19. a pistol without a barrel.
20. dinosaur repellant.
21. a carpet fitter's ladder.
22. an inflatable dartboard.
23. a concrete life vest.
24. a jock strap on a ballerina.
25. a glass hammer.
26. a mint-flavored suppository.
27. a kickstand on a horse.
28. knickers on a kipper.
29. silent alarm clock.
30. square tires on a bus.
31. a waterproof teabag.
32. a snooze button on a smoke detector.
33. a bottomless bucket.
34. a knife without a blade.
35. white-out to a computer entry clerk.
36. nipples on a breastplate.
37. an accordion player on a deer hunt.
38. a reggae band at a Klan rally.
39. a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.
40. a concrete parachute.
Can you think of any? Please share with the rest of us!
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