Friday, November 24, 2017

Colorful Similes for "As Useless as . . . ."

It's time for imaginative similes to the condition of being useless. Here's a few:

As useless as . . . .

1.  a screen door on a submarine.
2.  ejection seats in a helicopter.
3.  a knitted condom.
4.  a color blind interior decorator.
5.  a condom machine in the Vatican.
6.  a ham sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah.
7.  a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
8.  tits on a boar hog.
9.  handles on a snowball.
10.  a pen without ink.

11.  a grave robber in a crematorium.
12.  Captain Hook at a gynecologists' convention.
13.  a wooden frying pan.
14.  a rubber bill on a woodpecker.
15.  a chocolate teapot.
16.  a fart in a space suit.
17.  whistling psalms to a horse.
18.  a box of Moon Pies at a dietician's office.
19.  a pistol without a barrel.
20.  dinosaur repellant.

21.  a carpet fitter's ladder.
22.  an inflatable dartboard.
23.  a concrete life vest.
24.  a jock strap on a ballerina.
25.  a glass hammer.
26.  a mint-flavored suppository.
27.  a kickstand on a horse.
28.  knickers on a kipper.
29.  silent alarm clock.
30.  square tires on a bus.

31.  a waterproof teabag.
32.  a snooze button on a smoke detector.
33.  a bottomless bucket.
34.  a knife without a blade.
35.  white-out to a computer entry clerk.
36.  nipples on a breastplate.
37.  an accordion player on a deer hunt.
38.  a reggae band at a Klan rally.
39.  a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.  
40.  a concrete parachute.

Can you think of any? Please share with the rest of us!


John Hill said...

Some of those are pretty useless.

Cloudia said...

Strangely cleansing, Angel! Thanks

Mike said...

as answers from trump.

allenwoodhaven said...

as a bald man's hairbrush

good list!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

as useless as a Wonderbra on a duck.

Bilbo said...

"A windshield wiper on a goat's ass?" Oy.

Jono said...

That is an awesome list! If I think of anything to add I will let you know.