Thursday, November 1, 2018

Detention in Heaven

November 1st is, among Louisianans, All Saints' Day: the day in which they honor less-important saints not prominent enough to merit their own feast days or having any Heavenly Pull. It's a high Holy Day; and it's also the day to spruce up the graves of loved ones in preparation for All Souls' Day (November 2). Lousianans are given to piety sometimes; but we don't overdo it.

But in Heaven November 1st it takes on a different twist: this is the day in which all of the guardian angels that fell asleep on the job the day before spend the day in Angel Detention because of their failures in proper supervision of their mortals. Yes, Heaven is a place of bliss; but sometimes the bliss is a little thin, if you know what I mean. Anyway, let us look into that dismal scene:

Here is Angel Second Class Melanie, who helped the human she supposedly watched over as she  toilet papered the whole neighborhood. Lazy Melanie! She helped paper the Jones's house, herself.

And Angel Third Class Marie, dressed provocatively as a pirate. Her human scandalized everyone her costume the previous night. And Marie's timbers got shivered also.

Angel Third Class Tom managed to get drunk with his human, and was still sleeping it off. This is the best way to cope with a celestial detention.

Angel First Class Matt's human was a preacher who dared to have a Halloween party at the church rec room, as opposed to a Fall Festival as the Godly would prefer they be called nowadays. Matt's human was almost stricken from fellowship, but he had taken several of the deacons to lunch at Hooters' last month and they did not wish to curtail those pleasures.

Archangel William was sent to detention for keeping bad companionship. It's a crying shame when your human is a member of the U.S. Senate. He was said to mutter, "I worked so hard to become an archangel and this is the assignment I get?"

Poor Apprentice Angel Steve: he participated in igniting fires in several garbage cans.

Angel Second Class Jennifer and her human put laundry detergent in the fountain and it foamed for days.

Archangel Mickey got clemency because he was unfortunate enough to draw an aspirant Presidential candidate as his human. Archangel Gabriel's view was, "This poor snook has suffered enough by listening to all the speeches."

Angel Third Class Cecilia ran an old blouse up a flagpole. Her human behaved even more poorly.

Righteous Archangel Clara came to detention wearing Mardi Gras beads; she was sent there for "causing a scandal."

Hollywood Angel Second Class Lindsay made the clubs for a solid week without requiring a washing of her lingerie hamper.

But by far, the harshest detention punishment was meted out to Angel First Class Scott, whose human slipped the Straight and Narrow, and passed out religious tracts decrying Halloween instead of the candy and other treats given by the righteous. While in this angelic detention, he was treated as a pariah!

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The War on Halloween?

Well, nuts!

The Grinches are at it again. 

Their latest foray comes from Chesapeake, VA which passed a law restricting trick-or-treating to those 12 or younger. Will this mean that a 14- or 16- or 18-year old could be cited for trick-or-treating?

What is frigging WRONG with people? Let's face it: the news sucks. Politics sucks. Religion has let us down. Even sports has gotten too serious. (Still, I liked the Series.)

What harm is it for teens to want to have trick-or-treating fun?  Let's hope Chesapeake is not a harbinger of a trend. 

Maybe FOX News can do a series on War on Halloween. No, wait -- we already have idiots passing out tracts instead of candy. And schools having Fall Festivals instead of Halloween Parties.

Truth: I trick-or-treated until I was 18 or 19. Yes, and with my friends. And my Mama was fine with my costumes. (Yes, I did Lum twice -- in tiger skin bikini. Temps were in low- 70s at night)

Oh, New Orleans is a party town and people go all out for Halloween. Like a mini-Mardi Gras in late October. New Year's Eve also rocks in the Quarter.

Good witches protect trick-or-treaters from goblins.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Louis Wain's Cats

Artist Louis Wain (1860-1937) specialized in cat pictures as a genre; some of his illustrations featured cute cats doing typically human things; others verged on the abstract or even bizarre.

He suffered from schizophrenic disorder later in life; and was institutionalized. Also, he had lost his well-loved wife at an early age. In general, he had a sad life.

This one is cuddly cute:

This one is highly abstract; and verges on the bizarre.

I like his use of the patterned background; like it incorporates an Asian influence in his art:

This kitty can be seen either as whimsical or puzzled:

And what is more normal than a group of cats napping together:

There is a bit of question about Louis Wain's work.  Walter Maclay, a psychiatrist, wrote that his depiction of cats from the typically cute ones to the abstract mirrored is descent into schizophrenia. However, there is little evidence to document this consistent progression from the realistic to the bizarre followed any consistency. Louis Wain did not date his illustrations.  Alternatively, Louis Wain might have simply been experimenting with new approaches on the feline theme. After all, his abstract, geometric works have a consistency to them. Also, he was drawing at a time when boundaries in painting shifted from the concrete to the surrealistic or even bizarre.

Saturday, October 13, 2018

The Action News Team Celebrates No Bra Day

Recently Hello Giggles listed seven commandments of not wearing a bra in public.  These include such common sense suggestions as not wearing itchy material, avoiding animals with claws, being careful of how shoulder bags hang across your chest, not being envious of someone else's apparently better endowment, and so forth.

Missy Chauvin thought that she would adopt this daring look for National No Bra Day (Oct. 13th). Besides, she had an eye on television ratings and, while Action News was tops in the New Orleans Metro Area, they had to keep up with the competition continually.

However, she did not share this crafty plan with the news anchor Al Gautreaux or weather person Sharon Rideaux or with the Program Director Vickie Connelly. You can call this the Semi-big October Surprise.

Anyway, she wore her jacket on set and took it off as she seated herself at the news desk. This was despite the fact that the set is normally cool!

And, as the cameraman panned across the set, there was TAA-TAA! Something not ever seen before on Action News. Actually, FOUR things.

It seemed that Sharon, the weather reporter, also decided to celebrate National No Bra Day!

Missy was irritated that Sharon stole some of her thunder. And it showed.

Al, as news anchor, got into the spirit of things, and ad libbed a few double entendres:

"Missy, what bumps stand in the way of the Saints' progress? "

"Sharon, is the weather likely to be a little nippy tomorrow morning?" [Said in New Orleans in October; very unlikely!]

"At 11:30 tonight, we'll carry another episode of Twin Peaks. In the meantime, here's an interview we can get a rise from."

But, at least, Missy consoled herself, hers were not cattywampus like Sharon's!

(After all, who wants to prove she's not wearing a bra by holding up a dull white one?)

Monday, October 8, 2018

A New Book Cover for a Classic

What if the editor at a book publisher took things too literally?

Friday, September 28, 2018

Kentucky Medical Terms

 They have their own medical vocabulary in the Bluegrass State. Bless their hearts.  

 Benign................What you be after you be eight.
 Artery................The study of paintings.
 Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
 Barium................What family do when kinfolk die.
 Cesarean Section......A neighborhood in Rome.
 Cat Scan...............Searching for kitty.
 Cauterize.............Made eye contact with her.
 Coma..................A punctuation mark.
 D and C...............Where Washington is.
 Dilate................To live long.
 Enema.................Not a friend.
 Fibula................A small lie.
 Genital...............Non-Jewish person.
 Hangnail..............What you hang your coat on.
 Impotent..............Distinguished, well known.
 Labor Pain............Getting hurt at work.
 Morbid................A higher offer than I bid.
 Nitrates..............Cheaper than day rates.
 Pap Smear.............A fatherhood test.
 Rectum................Darn near killed him.
 Secretion.............Hiding something.
 Seizure...............Roman emperor.
 Tablet................A small table.
 Terminal Illness......Getting sick at the airport.
 Tumor.................More than one more.
 Urine.................Opposite of you're out.
 Varicose..............Near by or close by.

Monday, September 24, 2018

A Cajun Blonde Joke

Two brunettes (Clotilde and Marie) and a blonde (Suzette) went to a bar to get themselves a drink.

Clotilde went up to the bar and asked the bartender, " Fix me an R.W." He asks, "What's an R.W.?"

Clotilde said, "Mais chere, dats red wine."

So Marie decided to got herself a drink and asked the bartender, "Fix me a W.W."

The bartender answers, "White Wine?"

She said, "Mais yeah, dats right."

Suzette (the blonde) asked the bartender for a 15.

He replied, "What's a 15?"

She said, "Mais chere, don't be silly. Dat's 7 and 7 of course."