Wednesday, January 8, 2020

Crass Bumper Sticker

While innocently driving on I - 10 (if that can be loosely accepted), I saw one of the more tasteless bumper stickers to ever grace a vehicle. Later, I googled it; and found a surfeit of examples of this genre:

Now, in some benighted universe, if I should happen to be a passenger in a car with this sticker, I would display a sign:

                    I bought gas!                    

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Some Jokes

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 130 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 110 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" 
Kim responded, "Oh, Wauwa, it was wousy."

A salesman went out of town for business. After a couple of weeks he came home and told his wife about it. 

"Guess what dear, I earned 4000 dollars by selling 50 mattresses and 30 pairs of panties." 

The wife replied, "Really, well with just one mattress and no panties I earned twice as much." 

Boudreaux was called up to the Louisiana National Guard. Because he was a smooth talker the CO put him in charge of explaining benefits to new recruits.

After a week the CO noticed Boudreaux had a 100% sign up rate for supplemental insurance. Impressed, the CO sits in on one of Boudreaux’s sessions.

“If you boys goes to Afghanistan and you gets yoself kilt, the gubmint pays you benefishary $50,000. But if you gets the supplemental insurance, 
which only cost tirty dollas a month, the gubmint pays you benefishary $400,000.”

"Now, which ones of you do you think are gonna be sent first?"


A priest, a minister and a rabbi are discussing when life begins. The priests says, “It begins at conception.

The minister says, “Life begins at 24 weeks gestation.”

The rabbi says, “You are both wrong, Life begins when the kids move out of the house and the dog dies.”

A guy is recounting his previous night's drunken adventure to his buddy.

"I'm telling ya man. This is the best bar in the whole city. Every Friday night they have all you can drink specials for $2. And the best part... a sorority house is right next door and the place is just filled with young, gorgeous, single, women."

"Well let's go next Friday then!"

"Aye, and that's where the problem lies. Like I said, it was all you can drink, so I had my fill and my memory is pretty fuzzy. All I can remember about the place is it had big purple double doors in the front and a golden toilet in the restroom."

"A golden toilet?"

"Aye, a golden toilet. Even in my blacked out state I can remember thinking how strange it was for the toilet to be painted gold."

The pair decide they are going to find this bar with the $2 drinks, gorgeous gals, big purple doors, and a golden toilet. The next Friday they head out and catch a cab. They explain to the cab driver what they are looking for and he says it doesn't sound familiar, but if it's in this city he will find it.

So, after driving all over town without much luck they finally pull up to this little dive bar and lo and behold it has over-sized double doors painted a bright purple. The guy gets excited and tells his buddy, "I think this is it!"

The bar hasn't opened up yet for the night, but they notice the bartender bringing out a bag of trash to the dumpster, so they go over to ask him about it.

"Hey, does this place have golden toilets?"

The bartender is confused. "What?!?"

"Does this place have golden toilets? I was in the best bar of my life last week and the only thing I can remember is it has purple doors like this one and a golden toilet in the men's room."

The bartender thinks for a minute, seems to realize what is going on, then opens up the door to bar and yells, "Hey Sam, I think I found the guy that took a dump in your tuba!"

Friday, December 27, 2019

The Problem of Sports Mascots and Logos

Since America pretty well has all its national and regional problems licked, there's been a lot of commentary about the appropriateness of certain sports teams logos or mascots. The latest one to be changed is by the Cleveland Indians baseball team, which retired Chief Wahoo after more than 60 years.

Now I'm confused and conflicted about this in several ways. In what way does The Mistake by the Lake have with Indians? So Indians may have lived there at one time; but they were apparently mild-mannered and polite.

No, I'm not sorry to see Chief Wahoo go. He was a particularly ugly and uncute mascot.  But there are other of these. For some reason, apparently the University of Notre Dame styles itself the Fightin' Irish; and has adopted am even more singularly ugly mascot of a belligerent leprehcaun with bad hair:

Now this pugnaciousness may go along with the self-image of Irish-Americans, who also apparently don't mind this Catholic university adopting their ethnic group to name their teams. And we have the example of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette's teams being known as the Ragin' Cajuns. (No cute or ugly mascot as yet.) And apparently Cajuns are okay with UL - L's nickname. At least no hind quarters of raccoons are involved  Florida State's Seminoles also get a pass; but the institution represents Seminoles respectfully and the Seminole tribe apparently likes it.

New Orleans's pro football team is known as the Saints. Is there irony underfoot there? I suspect  so. And their basketball team goes by the Pelicans. 

Monday, December 16, 2019

Candywuss Chili

Pardon me, gentle readers (is anyone still there, considering  my spotty record of blogging), while I lapse into real controversy. No, not the political carnage that sadly 
happens daily, not sex, but a remark about food.

Now I previously evinced* some displeasure with the notion of culinary cultural appropriation (hell, if you're Irish and you want to do lutefisk, go for it, baby! I will not judge you. But the notion of Cincinnati chili totally astonished me! And saddened me. What is that, you might say?

Well, it's a weak, hyped-up sauce with tomato paste, cumin, nutmeg, allspice, a little chili powder, chocolate, possibly Worchestershire, and served over spaghetti and topped with cheese! Holy horse turds! And often oyster crackers are added. So sad! I encountered this is a regional restaurant which shall be unnamed.

Actually, I have the biggest problem with the nomenclature: call it Cincinnati meat sauce, if you desire such a culinary delight (?); but a righteous chili must be a savory beef and chili sauce, served with red beans or not. If you're adventurous, chop some chilis.

To my opinion, the real questions should be red or green, referring to the type of chili added. And Fritos or Doritos, as a side.


Tuesday, December 10, 2019

The Ethnics of New Orleans; and an Old Creole Ethnic Taunt

After the Louisiana Purchase in 1803, this little insulting verse was commonly used by the Creole children.

'Mericain coquin,
'Bille en nanquin;
Voleur du pain,
Chez miché D'Aquin.

Translated, roughly, it becomes:

American crook,
Dressed in nankeen;
Stealer of bread,
From the place of Monsieur D'Aquin.

There were frictions between the French-speaking locals and the newly-immigrating Americans after the Louisiana Purchase.  Some of the problems came because most often the Americans who arrived in New Orleans were the flatboat- or keelboatmen; who felt a desire to cut loose after poling down the Mississippi for several weeks.  Therefore, there was the sense of "there goes the neighborhood."
Like little bits of folklore, it persisted well into later times in certain areas. Even when most Orleanian kids spoke only English.

New Orleans was always a melting pot: the original settlers were French; some brought slaves.  Some intermarried with Native Americans.  The original Creole (white or mixed race) population was joined by the Cajuns, the Spanish, the Canary Islanders, the refugees from Santo Domingo, the Napoleonic refugees from the restoration, and lately, the Americans.  Still later, the Irish and the Germans.

Because of slavery, the African-American population was extensive from the start.  It expanded with the Haitian Revolution, in which sizeable numbers  of African-American and mixed ancestry people moved into New Orleans,  These latter immigrants became an extensive talented artisan class; for example, accounting for the elaborate ornate grill work in the French Quarter.  They were referred to as Free Persons of Color. They also had a few that practiced voodoo. But, most importantly, they developed jazz into an art form.

By the 1880's, the Italians had arrived; and the Dalmatians had moved into the shrimp and oyster business in Plaquemines Parish.  Still later came the Cubans and the Filipinos.

New Orleans is a tapestry of racial and ethnic groups. And interesting restaurant choices when you move away from the old, traditional, (expensive) ones.

There's several really good neighborhood restaurants. You don't have to go to the costly ones! And, there's always the Cafe du Monde for beignets and coffee. And a stroll in Jackson Square or on the Moonwalk afterward.

Wednesday, December 4, 2019

The Inappropriate Gift

While the relationship between Officer Pete and Madeline the Prophetess was just moving past the early stages, it was evident that both were quite taken with each other. Talk about an unlikely combination!

This was noted by both the New Orleans Eccentric Union and the NOPD; and they wondered where this was going. And, to be frank, Madeline was not holding up her end in eccentricity so expected in New Orleans. OMG! Was she turning out to be the usual Lakeview* or Irish Channel* charmer?

Well, Pete wanted to gift Madeline a little token of his interest, so he asked Sgt. Angelo for some advice. The good Sergeant, in a spell of whimsy, said, "Why don't you give her a red bra"?

Now, in many circles, this might be seen as an inappropriate gift; something to cause someone to be offended. But Pete was, despite his occupation, somewhat innocent of some ways of the world. (And unlikely to advance in the NOPD scheme of things.) He found the right one at a dance clothing supply store, of all places!

Anyway, the occasion came, and the grand moment occurred. Madeline was totally surprised. Awed!

And smiled! Broadly. He got her size right. Some good detective work there.

She promptly partially undressed, removed her plain bra, and replaced it with the new bra which was lacy and a bit sparkly! She was clearly pleased at his thoughtfulness and wore it for the rest of the evening even though her sweater was a trifle thin and she revealed herself somewhat.

Sometimes a girl just needs encouragement!

*Neighborhoods in New Orleans

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Keep It Classy, Dude!

I actually saw someone wearing this shirt at a Yankees game!

Bad Kitty!