Saturday, May 31, 2014

The Prom Draft

Following the sterling example of the N.F.L. draft, a group of boys at Corona de Mar High School in Newport Beach, California launched their own draft: this one involving which girls would be invited to the Prom!  The idea was, each girl would be scouted and ranked by the participants, who would get to choose which girl to ask without fear of poaching by some other guy.

According to reports, 40 boys wearing sports coats convened, obtained their position in the draft by lot, and each was given two minutes to make his choice.  The criteria used by the boys in their selection was individualistic; but presumably would factor in such elements as the girl assenting to go with him to the prom, her physical attractiveness, and her likelihood of putting out(?).  A sociologist, writing in Huffington_Post, viewed it as an interesting experiment.  This seemed like a calm, rational reaction to me.  Sometimes innovations work; and in the realm of social practices we would do well to be content with partial improvements.

It must have been a slow news day, and a lot of journalists and commentators mounted on their elevated equines about this offense to morals and mores on the part of these misguided teens.  The line was, this Prom Draft objectified the girls!  People, listen up!  Teen boys tend to do just that anyway, if you ever bother to listen to them. 

If there's anything that motivates people, it's a chance to deplore some recent trend.  In fact, no girl had to accept an invitation, unlike the N.F.L. draft.  Teen boys with their artlessness and their overtness make for an easy target for these would-be moralists.  Kind of like hunting cows with a cannon.  The fact that they lived in an affluent beach community, the Sodom of Choice for the Californian moralists, was a bonus.

Apparently, some of the girls who were included in the draft were less than annoyed by the existence of this draft; but I think that their reaction would depend on whether they were a first round pick, or one of the also-rans.

Hmm....Angel as a first round pick?  I could have  lived with that.  When I was in high school, the Prom event was complicated by a lack of information.  Because so many boys and girls attended single-sex schools this resulted in some girls who were available and who would have accepted being unknown entities.  In short, for many guys, several girls were unknown entities.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Political Leanings of Cartoon Characters

One of the hazards of being too, too much into politics is the tendency to find politics in odd places.  Just out of idle curiosity, I did a search on the political leanings of political characters, including popular ones from the Warner Brothers and Disney canons.  There, surprisingly, I find that people have stated their opinions regarding the likely politics of Mickey Mouse (Republican), Donald Duck (Paranoid with ideas about conspiracies), Chip and Dale (Democrats), Bugs Bunny (Democrat), Daffy Duck (Liberterian), Foghorn Leghorn (Republican), Elmer Fudd (Republican), the Smurfs (Communist), Yogi Bear (Republican).


This is despite two limitations: these are imaginary characters, and animals besides.  The only species of animals allowed to vote in the United States are humans and jackasses.

To date, no one has speculated on the politics of Ash Ketchum, or Misty, May, and Dawn.  They are probably not NRA members, as they seek to tame the Pokemon monsters rather than shoot them.

Princess Lum would be ineligible to participate meaningfully in Japanese politics because she's an alien oni and underage.  And her fans, being otakus, are typically nonpolitical.


Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Almost Losing It

There's a time in a girl's life when she finds that she needs to take the ultimate step of being a woman. At 17, I found the status of being a virgin oppressive, and wished to rid myself of it despite my Mama's advice to wait until 19. (Which I did, it turned out.) Anyway, I was 17 and impatient, and found the term as used by my peer group to be oppressive and condescending. Seriously, even putative virgins tended to speak scornfully of those intacta.  Anyway, I was legal, in the sense of Louisiana law, and tired of not Tommy being allowed anything past second base. "Poor Tommy," I thought.

I really liked Tommy. Thought it was love. And so I did the discreet feminine things in preparation: bought a more adult scent, and some lacy lingerie. I was going to look right and smell right for the occasion.

The big night. I was primed. And coyly hinted.

Tommy showed up on my planned evening wearing a baseball hat, and would not remove it. And a grody sweat shirt, which he didn't, thank goodness.

There's no way that I would give up my virginity to a guy who wears a baseball hat indoors. I had my standards.

Sunday, May 25, 2014


For the people who worry about such things as numerology, the number 666 is significant as it supposedly is the Number of the Beast.  Now this is not universally accepted; some say it might be 616.  Anyway, it's supposed to be a particularly inauspicious number.

Some people try to get this number changed if it is on their badges, addresses, or in other forms.  However, just to be safe, these numerophobics* should consider others:

666             Number of the beast
668             Neighbor of the beast
660             Approximate number of the beast
DCLXVI          Roman numeral of the beast
666.0000        Number of the high-precision beast
0.666           Number of the millibeast
1/666           Common denominator of the beast
1010011010      Binary number of the beast
-666            Negative number of the beast
00666           Zip code of the beast
$665.95         Retail price of the beast
$699.25         Price of the beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95         Price of the beast with all accessories and replacements
$656.66         Wal-Mart price of the beast
$646.66         Next week's Wal-Mart price of the beast
$333.00         After-Christmas sale price of the beast
$222.00         Going-out of business liquidation price of the beast
Phillips 666    Gasoline of the beast
Route 666       Way of the beast
665             Older brother of the beast
667             Younger brother of the beast
666 UP          Soft drink of the beast
666lb cap       Weight limit of the beast
666 F           Oven temperature for cooking roast "beast"
666k            Retirement plan of the beast
666 mg          Recommended minimum daily requirement of the beast
20/666          Vision of the beast
1-800-666-6666  Toll-free number of the beast  
999             Australian number of the beast
6"X 6"X 6"      Lumber of the beast
66.6 GHZ        Computer processor of the beast
666-66-6666     Social security number of the beast
6/6/66          Birth date of the beast      URL of the beast   
IAM 666         License plate number of the beast
Formula 666     All-purpose cleaner of the beast
666 calories    Diet of the beast
969             Dyslexic number of the beast
WD-666          Spray lubricant of the beast 
66.6 MHz        FM radio station of the beast
666 KHz         AM radio station of the beast
Chanel No. 666  The beast's favorite perfume

*People who have a fear of numbers.  The most common form is triskaidekaphobia, fear of the number 13.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Peer Review and the Publishing of Scientific Journal Articles

In getting an article published in scientific journals, the possible author must submit to the process of peer review.  Depending on the seriousness of the reviewers, the quality of the journal, and the theoretical or practical importance of the research finding,  the paper may be subjected to intense scrutiny.  While the process usually yields quality articles to be ultimately published, one article in psychology was negatively reviewed by peer reviewers of several journals before ultimately being accepted by the Journal of Comparative and Physiological Psychology.  This article (by Garcia and Koelling, 1966) was reviewed by one with "the probability of obtaining these results is the same as finding birdshit in a cuckoo clock." 

Ironically, the Garcia and Koelling article ultimately published became one of the most widely-cited ones in the conditioning and learning literature.  It demonstrated that certain forms of conditioning could be situation-specific.  Also, it demonstrated that conditioned taste aversions could be readily acquired to nausea-invoking stimuli.

Not all papers submitted for review get the full treatment; some reviewers, busy with their own research, gloss over papers that they are peer-reviewing and make few critical comments.

With regard to the journal-publishing activity itself, there has been a tendency for multiple authors of scientific journal articles within the past 20 years or so.  The apotheosis (or the final absurdity) of this occurred with an article by E. Topol et al. published in The New England Journal of Medicine (1993).  It listed 976 co-authors from 15 different countries!  Now that journal is perhaps the most prestigious in medicine, but that may be overdoing it a bit.

Somehow, the various strategies for increasing the number of citations on one's vita can be likened to stuffing one's bra.  (Let's be honest, many of  us have done this on occasion.)  The expectation, which often is true, is that the people scanning the vita as part of the academic or research hiring process, or in screening candidates for a research grant will simply look at the quantity of publications cited, not their quality.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Teaching of Evolution Map

Like climate change, evolution is a scientific concept that stirs strong emotions and dubious political activity, such as the venture into asshatery that resulted in the Scopes trial in 1925.  However, curriculum is set by the individual states.  Which states do a good job with evolution?

The answer is that curriculum-based coverage is exemplary in CA, CT, HI, IN, NC, NJ, PA, and SC.  The states that really miss the mark are AL, AK, AR, FL,  GA, IL, KY, ME, MS, ND, OH, OK, TN, VA, VT, WI, WV,  and WY.

Iowa is uncolored.  Apparently, evolution does not happen there.

In general, those are the states which leave science curriculum matters to science educators and actual scientists. It's not only amazing that curriculum might be impacted by legislative action, but it's sheer egotism on their part!

It's just as well that the Laws of Thermodynamics are not in question, usually.  But I have heard of a group in Kansas that doubts the Second Law of Thermodynamics. 

Monday, May 19, 2014

Why Do Women Put on Guys' Shirts?

In a conversation that several of us ladies had, after a few fun drinks, the talk (naturally enough) went around to sex.  Now after the usual matters were disposed of, one of the group broached a question, "After you spent the night with a guy, did you put on one of his dress shirts the next morning?"  Interestingly, several admitted that they did.

So reflexively, I went into my behavioral science mode and begin to wonder why.

As a matter of fact, this seems to be a common post-coital motif if the couple spends the night at his place.

One possibility is that the woman, after having mated, does this to mark the guy's clothes subtly with her lingering scent.

Here's another view:  When a girl has finally sex with a guy, having done so generates a little conflict.   So after she had engaged in sex, she unconsciously wants to tell herself that he is a good guy who can take care of her and has the potential of loving her.  By putting his shirt on, she is in a way affirming to herself that she is comfortable with him. She reassures herself that he has the necessary qualities, habits and personality which will allow her to feel at ease with him and somehow justifies having sex with him.

Still a third possibility is that she thinks she will look cute and sexy; and possibly inspire an encore.  

Finally, she dons her lover's dress shirt as a type of victory trophy.  Have you any opinions on this?

Anyway, I have not found any research that specifically addressed this topic.  I wonder how the NSF would react to a grant application?

Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Statue of the Ideal Teenager

Piney Woods, Mississippi was fortunate in having an anonymous donor contribute a sizeable amount of money with the provision that it be spent on sculpture for the town square.  The City Council, glad to have this largesse, even if the donor specified how the money was to be spent, actively took up the topic of what the statue should represent.

Unfortunately, Piney Woods was a rather dull, lackluster place.  The local politicians were the usual venal and obtuse ones: not history-makers like Lucius Quintius Cincinnatus Lamar, the local authors had to self-publish (no one like William Faulkner came from there), and the Confederate company spent the Civil War actively marching away to avoid any encounters with the invading Yankees, who weren't too energetic in finding the Rebs, either. 

Finally, a Councilman suggested that they should commission an allegorical statue instead.  But other communities had allegorical statues representing Justice, Democracy, Truth, and even The Naked Truth.  The Piney Woods Statue Committee wanted a new allegorical statue not seen in other places.

Finally, the token schoolteacher suggested that they consider a statue to the Ideal Teenager.  Now that entirely threw a new way of thinking into the situation.  The committee members argued how this figure should be represented. 

Should the Ideal Teenager be a she; and would she have a Goth look, or wear Daisy Dukes?  Should she be depicted with her hair in a Hattiesburg perm?  If a guy, should he be wearing a hoodie, or holey jeans, or possibly low-rise pants?  And should he have a mullet?

Fortunately, some closet comic book fan Councilman suggested that none of the local teens even approximated ideal, and that the best choice would be that old-fashioned comic teen, Archie.  Even better, one with Archie and Betty.

What a great idea!  Piney Woods could become famous by explicitly signaling what an ideal teen would be like.  And, though a unicorn statue would be more believable, a statue of the Ideal Teens was placed in  the Square.  There were two ideas: the Heroic Archie, and Archie and Betty in love.  Both had their adherents.

And the tourists came and wondered.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

How to Be a Drama King

The term "drama queen" is occasionally encountered.  The fact is, some people do find it very reinforcing to occupy center stage, and over time learn certain ploys to help things along.  And in these nondiscriminatory times, guys can do it too.  But maybe they should be properly styled "drama kings."

The first thing is to accept that there is no such thing as one's fair share of attention.  The game is not to seek parity, but to play to win!  And, in doing so, sometimes you have to play dirty.

1.  The first thing is to stir things up: gossip about others, hint that you have certain expectations that must be met, and soon!

2.  Overplay the significance of events that would be seen by most as inconsequential.

3.  Be overtly emotional.  It helps is you cry easily or go into hysterics.

4.  Do little things to call attention to yourself.  Seemingly offhand remarks such as:
"I'm wearing my sister's panties." 
"I think I am going to heave RIGHT NOW!!!" 
"I lost my virginity last night."
"My sister hates me."
"I'm thinking of running for public office."
"5.  Be consistently unsatisfied or hard to satisfy.

6.  Dress flamboyantly --  let Lady Gaga be your role model.

7.  Have an exotic pet.  A mongoose, perhaps.

8.   In general, send the message, "Look at me!"

Really, to simplify everything, just remember the traits summarized as "PRAISE ME" to be a successful drama king:

*   Provocative (or seductive) behavior
*   Relationships are considered more intimate than they actually are
*   Attention-seeking
*   Influenced easily
*   Speech (style) wants to impress; lacks detail
*   Emotional lability; shallowness
*   Make-up; physical appearance is used to draw attention to self
*   Exaggerated emotions; theatrical

These are the traits that would warrant a diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder.  HPD is not just for chicks, guys!  You just need to study and fine-tune the process a bit.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Freedom Fries, Freedom Toast, and Other Nomenclature Changes

Years ago (around 2003 or so), when the U.S. wasn't getting along very well with France, a dutiful congressperson proposed that French fries be henceforth referred to as "Freedom Fries."  Presumably, this would apply to French toast as well.

There's a little bit of irony here: Both French fries and French toast originated in BELGIUM!

At least we got the Belgian waffle right!

But what about another alleged entity from the hexagone: the French tickler?  Did this get overlooked during this period of jingoism, bad taste, and questionable nomenclature change?

No.  "The Bedroom Bunker," an adult pleasure store in Colorado Springs, found that sales of French ticklers dropped due to anti-French sentiment.  In response to this, they renamed their latex-studded vibrators "Freedom ticklers."  This product was already colored red, white, and blue.

Which also happen to be the colors on the French flag!
The Freedom Tickler


Curiously enough, I don't think anyone saw fit to refer to "Freedom kissing" instead of "French kissing."  Perhaps the practice of French kissing is still viewed as morally questionable by a number of people that they are still very willing to impute Gallic origins to that mutually delicious activity.

I wonder what "English kissing" would be like.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Graduate School as a Place for Getting a Husband

Reductress, apparently a totally frivolous site, recently had a short piece on the six best grad schools for finding a husband.  In this bit of "practical advice,"  they extol the University of Michigan, Cal at Berkeley, Cornell, Vanderbilt, the University of Iowa, and Canada in general as places to attend for those having anxiety over having drawn the Old Maid card.  Several unrelated thoughts come to mind:

1)  Will husband-hungry Ohio girls swallow their pride and consign themselves to a lifetime of "Hail to the Victor"?

2)  The author managed to get a cheap shot at some of the South in general, despite giving Vandy a rave review.

3)  What's with the negativity toward Dartmouth (Neanderthals) and UPenn (disgusting)?  And I thought studying and making good grades was expected anyway for getting into grad school.  Having a good G.P.A. is not a requirement for the Ivy League only; but for most grad schools.

4)  Anyway, the life of most graduate students, whether T.A.s or otherwise, is for the most part solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.  Yes, I ripped that off of Thomas Hobbes.  And the solitariness of it is the result of consistent study, performing grad school-related chores, and having that constant fear that one is late.  (Call that the White Rabbit syndrome.)  I'll spell it out: most guys in a serious grad program don't have time for the ladies.

5)  However, the stubborn fact that the article left out is the one that the husband finishing graduate school may be then in the ranks of the unemployed if he specialized in certain disciplines.  History, English, and Fine Arts (Farts) come immediately to mind.  In others, particularly those in which the primary employer is academic, this might require the two of you to live in some very small, isolated town that is college-centered.  And, there, you have to curb your free spirit.  (Wear underwear, for example; and learn the role of a wife of a junior faculty member.)  Also, there is genteel poverty, as instructors and assistant professors are usually underpaid.  If I had to hazard the three financially best bets for potential husbands, I would say medicine, petroleum engineering, and mining engineering.

6.  A good percentage of graduate students are already married.  However, sometimes there are unexpected sweet moments.

As a matter of fact, a common grad school phenomenon is the infrequent drunken party; in which some of the players wind up in bed together.  The wise woman will stop at two drinks, go home early, and get her beauty rest, or at least go over her notes one more time.  Otherwise, there's the fear of who you might wake up with.  The coyote ugly phenomenon works both ways, gentle readers, and you do not want to be with child.

Anyway, I guess I wrote my peace.  Just beware of advice from strange sources.


Friday, May 9, 2014

Cowgirl Melinda Tries a Cosmopolitan

Cowgirl Melinda needed to get away from the job for a spell, so she took an unpaid vacation down to Denver.  It's a fact of life, but cowhands tend to get few fringe benefits other than the fresh air, cheap alcohol, and all the beef they can eat.

Anyway, she went down into the belly of the beast:  Greenie Country.  She shied away from the People's Republic of Boulder, and the City of Bland Beer, and went to the metropolis itself.  Actually, it was enlightening: she thoroughly enjoyed the Denver Art Museum and the Museum of Natural History.  And she had a quiche for lunch while at the Museum.  The waiter rolled is eyes when she asked for the "quichy"; but Melinda took that to be a nervous tic causes from too much urban dwelling.

And when she got back to her truck, she found it was ticketed.  Now the ticket-issuers take particular delight in writing citations for vehicles bearing bucking bronco tags.*  Melinda swore; but wasn't doing to let a little ole parking ticket rain on her parade; she's just skedaddle back to Wyoming with it unpaid.  Or maybe she would.  Who knows.  Does Denver hire bounty hunters to catch people who don't pay parking tickets?

Anyway, she went for a drink in the hotel, and asked for the bartender's recommendation.  Now Melinda was wearing a sophisticated dress for this urban visit, not jeans and a work shirt like back on the ranch.

The bartender said, "You really should like a Cosmopolitan."

And Melinda said, "Okay, I'm game!"

A few minutes later, Melinda is given this red drink, with what looks like a thin slice of orange peel in the glass.  Melinda said, "This is odd.  I wonder what's in it?"  She soon found out.

It was the sweetest and sourest damned drink she ever tasted.

""Is this Cosmopolitan based on a sweet and sour pork sauce?"

So the bartender told her what was in it: vodka, cranberry juice, lime juice, triple sec, and ice.  It's a popular drink on Sex and the City.

Well, Melinda first thought that it was a little rough; but it began to grow on her.  She thought, "Now this is something to take back for my bunkmates."  Unlike the rough image television fostered, they have over time come to appreciate some of the little pleasures, like coffee latte and cloth table napkins.

So one evening, a group of Wyoming ranch hands sat around drinking Cosmopolitans.  Another form of Eastern decadence came to Ten Sleep and Buffalo.

Cosmopolitan Recipe

2 ounces of vodka

1/2 ounce triple sec

1 ounce  cranberry juice

1/4 to 1/2 ounce fresh lime juice

1 2-inch orange peel/twist

*A little esoterica: the bronco on Wyoming tags is that of Steamboat, the horse that no one could successfully ride in a rodeo.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Amazing Post Titles That Went Nowhere

Sometimes, I must admit that I come up with promising titles for a post, but nothing more than that.  Maybe Clarissa, the Muse of Internet Blogging, would give me a little inspiration.

Or she might say, "Sugah, you jus' need a man now and then."

Anyway, for your wonderment, and possible grist for any psychiatric profile, here are a few:

Abusing Snow Days As an Academic Function

Skinny-Dipping with Democrats

What Is the Most Boring State?

Why Does Your Dog Embarrass You Sometimes?

People Who Have No Sense of Humor

Republicans Wearing Fanny Packs

Alternative Uses for Old Port-a-Pottys

The Sex Life of Young Midwestern Women:  How "Farmers' Daughters Make You Feel Alright"*

How to Amuse Yourself During an Academic Meeting

The eViL pOp TaRt Encounters the Military Recruiter

It Beats Me: Why Mississippi Counties Are Subdivided into Beats

Why Do You Embarrass Your Dog?

The Easy Morals of Southern States' Coastal Areas

The Honey Island Swamp Monster Runs for Police Juror of St. Tammany Parish

Does AOL Provide Hell's Internet Service?

*A riff on an old Beach Boys Song

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


Sometimes textbook authors operate under a handicap.  The subject matter can be experienced as dry, especially by introductory students.  This author, Edwin G. Boring, operated under a different handicap: his name.

Somehow, I see this also as a handicap in getting students to enroll in his courses.

By the way, he wrote A History of Experimental Psychology, which was published back in 1950.  It's a challenging textbook, and Professor Boring very liberally threw German expressions around. 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

The Russian Ship Lyubov Orlova

As incredible as it sounds, the abandoned Russian cruise ship Lyubov Orlova may have been drifting in the North Atlantic Ocean for over two years.  Supposedly, it's filled with cannibal rats, and is said to drift to the coast of Ireland or Scotland eventually.

It had a reinforced hull suitable for cruising in the Arctic and Antarctic waters.  The cabins sounded Spartan, but it was for voyagers who wished to see the  polar regions and feel like an intrepid explorer.

The owners had a number of financial troubles, and it was  ultimately sold for scrap.  It had been in St. John's, Newfoundland when it was sold.  The ship was in the process of being towed to the Dominican Republic where it was to be taken apart; however, the tow line broke and it started to drift, endangering nearby oil rigs and fishing areas in Canadian territory.  A towing company reconnected a line to the Lyuova Orlova, and it towed it away from Canadian waters so that it would not be a problem to be oil and fishing activities there.  There they turned it loose irresponsibly, and it started to drift in the direction of Europe.

Where is this nearly 300 foot, 4200 gross tons of flotsam right now?  Some claim it sank; but others say it might have an Irish or Scottish future.

Anyway, if it just happens to be around, hasn't anyone thought about claiming this vessel as their own; and using it for their own purposes?  Can it be made seaworthy?  And used for some purpose or another?

Piracy, perhaps?  Presently, the Somali and Pacific pirates operate with small, vulnerable vessels.  But suppose some of them got this vessel  fitted out with some credible naval gun?

Or, maybe some company could convert it into a party boat.  If they would do this, there are several possible places it could operate from: Ibiza, Miami, Trenton, or even Pensacola!

Finally, it could simply be towed to a port, advertised as a haunted ship, and be a popular place for couples to go for Halloween.  After all, in the U.S. and Europe, old houses serve in that role each year already.

All is takes is a little imagination; plus someone skilled in engine repair.,0,1255548.story#axzz2zqzoV9jB

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Hello or Heaveno

As bizarre as it might seem, a few years ago in 1997 a Kingsville, Texas resident named Leonso Canales. Jr. offered "Heaveno" as a substitute greeting for "Hello."  The rationale is so that the Devil would not be given his due with free advertisement for his rather warm place.  In short, the continued use of "Hello" might result in damnation and/or Oklahoma Sooner fandom.

This substitute greeting was adopted by Kleberg County as its official greeting.  It made a little bit of a stir for a while, and locals practiced the substitute greeting for the theologically risky one.  After all, they passed a binding resolution:


WHEREAS, Since the time of man's dawn, we have created traditions to lead us through life, and

WHEREAS, Leonso Canales Jr. has received national acclaim for coining the greeting "HeavenO," which could become a positive tradition, and

WHEREAS, We live in a time referred by historians as the Age of Anxiety in  cycles of change, and

WHEREAS, The Age of Anxiety in the Millennial Cycle includes the baby
boomers, the Hippie turned Yuppie, and the New Youth, and

WHEREAS, The New Youth need hope for their millennial kingdom of opportunity  which includes a promise of good health care, of employment for the future, and the positive greeting epitomized by Mr. Canales' "HeavenO" as a symbol of good things to come, and

WHEREAS, We cannot wait for the millennial norm to be spontaneous behavior, but instead, we need to take the rod in hand and proclaim peace and "HeavenO" to our neighbors throughout the world,

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that Kleberg County adopts Mr. Leonso Canales Jr.'s universal greeting of "HeavenO" as the official greeting of Kleberg County and as a symbol of peace, friendship, and welcome.

LET IT BE FURTHER RESOLVED that Kleberg County commends Mr. Leonso Canales Jr. for his positive approach to greeting people, the national attention he has brought to our county, and his dedication to community.  



Anyway, poor Mandy does not seem to have gotten the memo.  And a small number of the local Buddhists started saying, "Nirvana-O."  The state ACLU subjected this to scrutiny; but decided that no one who got involved in this affair could avoid looking ridiculous.

I suggest, strictly in the spirit of conciliation, the suggestion that the substitution of "Howdy" might work with no dire long-term consequences as to afterlife status.