Must a Performer Assert a Political Stance?

Somewhere, somehow, some of our notions about the secrecy of ballots has been turned on its head. Whether you consider voting to be a right or a privilege, our Founding Fathers have allowed for the secret ballot.  Or, at least, people can cast ballots secretly should they choose to do so.

For popular figures this somehow seems to be different, at least according to 2018 thinking. For example, a recent article took Taylor Swift to task for not revealing her 2016 Presidential election choice, despite her claim to feminism and the presence of an unpopular Presidential candidate, at least in some women's views. Surprisingly, this topic which seemingly stretched it a bit was picked up by others needing something to write about; much like the issue of Taylor Swift's navel a while back. 

However, the consequences of all choices to disclose one's opinion or vote are not equal. For people in some economic circumstances, this can have real-life consequences; sometimes bad. Remember the Dixie Chicks? Well, the lead singer Natalie Maines criticized President George W. Bush on stage, and doing that greatly impacted attendance at their shows or sales of their music. You may wonder why they're no longer heard of. That may be one of the reasons why. Of course, they were also highly overrated, as well; and country music performers naturally come and go.

Haven't boycotts of Chick Fil-A or other companies in response to political position taking meant anything? The fact is, we are strongly divided as a nation; and this is coupled with a lot of intolerance. Therefore, taking any political side is likely to be a poor move, economically. No matter what stance you take, it will piss some people off. Frankly, that also applies to my choice of occupation. 

Also, it could be that a performer might personally decide that getting involved in politics is not an effective use of her or his time and energies.

And -- surprise! Maybe Taylor Swift might simply have enough respect to her fans to treat them as thoughtful persons capable making their individual decisions as to how to vote. Maybe a musical performance need not turn into a bully pulpit. After all, that's not what they paid for!

Here's another thing. Maybe a goal of feminism should be simply to encourage women to do their own thinking and make their own choices; not simply parrot the views of a narrow group of self-appointed opinion-makers!

Democrats, Republicans, and Sex

A survey from Match.com reported that conservative Republicans have less sex than liberal Democrats, but that, when they do, it's more likely to result in females experiencing an orgasm.

A survey relied on 6,000 American singles reported on their political leanings and their sexual activities.

About 53% of Republicans said they had orgasms almost every time they had sex, compared to 40 percent of Democrats. Republicans also engaged in love-making less frequently than Democrats.

Why do these differences occur? I offer several possible hypotheses:

1.  Democrats lie.

2.  Republicans lie.

3.  Both Democrats and Republicans lie, but with different emphases.

4.  Given that more orgasms are clitoral, Republican women are more into DIY.

5.  Republican men, having wide experience with golf (a stereotypical Republican sport), learn better the intricacies of foreplay. 

5.  There is a water-bursting-through-the-dam factor to be weighed.  Those who have sex less often enjoy it more when they do.

6.  Republicans, having less experience, have easier standards to meet.

7.  Democrats are jaded by too much sex.

8.  Republicans try sex, and feel guilty because they enjoy it so much and it isn't golf.

The survey also revealed that the those in the differing political groups seek different traits in a partner.

What do liberal Democrats want? They place more importance on a sense of humor, independence, and someone whom they consider the equal and share a similar lifestyle to their own.

Republicans look for someone with the same background and political party and are more concerned with dating someone who's interested in marriage.

 But neither is 100% absolute in party homogeneity. Only 17% of men and 20% of women said they "must have" someone belonging to their party.

I see further questions about this, though. The information that I found from different sources refers to "conservative Republicans" and "liberal Democrats." These seem like Procrustean categories.  What about Blue Dog Democrats and RINOs? Does either group make love like bunnies and also have high rates of orgasms; or does the other group have sex rarely and also rarely experience it as orgasmic?  

So, for the fans of casual sex: if you want to do it often, find a Democrat; if you want to enjoy it more, find a Republican!

[I hope this doesn't offend sensibilities.  I realize that I am writing about two of the three no-no categories: politics and sex, but hopefully by mentioning dogs I made up for it.]

Obviously, a Southern Democrat.

A Factor Affecting the Payment of Taxes

The conventional wisdom is that people loathe taxes; and pay them only because of threats from the government to do so. 

However, an experiment done over 20 years ago by the Minnesota Department of Revenue regarding compliance in paying taxes came up with an unexpected result. The experiment worked as follows: Those participating in the experiment got one of four possible letters regarding tax payment.

(1) A letter emphasizing the social goods that are served by compliance: education, police, fire, health, etc.

(2) A letter emphasizing the penalties for non-payment;

(3) A letter emphasizing how they could get help in filling out the form;

(4) A letter emphasizing that more than 90 percent of Minnesotans already complied by paying their taxes.

Which letter seemed to work best?

Interestingly enough, extolling the benefits stemming from being a good citizen, threatening penalties for noncompliance, or offering help had little effect on compliance. Only one thing did: the information that most people have already complied by payment of their taxes in the past . The power of example, and the tendency to do like others do, served as a motivator for people.

Indeed, the I.R.S. (not a particularly popular governmental agency) might be following a counterproductive strategy by emphasizing penalties for noncompliance in payment of taxes. Why not simply send everyone who pays her or his taxes a note thanking them for paying, like most of their fellow citizens, their taxes?

And it would be really nice if the note was written longhand, on nice "thank you note" stationary. A little bit of the personal touch would possibly counter the alienation or the "us versus them" orientation of so many people.

The sale of war bonds during World War II showed that. For many, it was one of the ways they could contribute to the war effort.

Princess Lum, after she paid her taxes,
was left only with a swim suit and boots.
That left her wondering what she would have
been her penalty for nonpayment of taxes!

Channeling too Much "Hamilton"

Texas congressman Blake Farenthold (R - Corpus Christi) has vaulted into prominence lately with the startling announcement that he would like to fight a duel with female Congressperson Susan Collins (R - Maine) over their differences over health care legislation. Apparently, he might have seen or read about the currently popular play on Broadway, "Hamilton," and thought that dueling could be a straightforward South Texas way of reconciling political differences.   

Does he not know that the winner of the famous duel, Aaron Burr, was the villain of the piece; or that dueling is illegal in each of the fifty states? Anyway, the issue behind the health care debate is how best to provide insurance for treatment, not to increase the number of people requiring some form of health care!

Anyway, here is Representative Farenthold and a friend showing what a well-dressed Congressperson should wear for sleep attire. I think, that in the service of full disclosure, each of the other 434 Congresspersons and the100 Senators should also pose in their sleepwear. Except for the ones that sleep in the nude, of course.

Congressman Farentholt and a Friend

For his epic performance in his conduct in public office, and for making the residents of the Lone Star State very proud, he seriously deserves an appropriate award for display on the desk in his office:

Jackass of the Week Award

Paid Sex Leave for Government Workers?

Recently a Swedish politician in northern Sweden, Per-Erik Muskos, proposed that local government employees receive an hour of paid sex leave per week.  This was promptly shot down by other members of the 31-member government council. Per-Erik's proposal was that this paid leave for sex would help counter Sweden's falling birth rate. When you consider that Overtornea, Sweden, the community in question, is located on the Arctic Circle, you would think that they already had reason enough for sex. Anyway, nice try, Per-Erik!

A lot of things come to mind with the practicality of this proposal being adapted by some American cities or counties. 

Obviously, one issue whether this hour of paid sex leave actually be used in copulatory activities; or will some irresponsible government workers actually spend the time drinking coffee, watching television, gardening, hiking, or eating Swedish meatballs? Will the government require some form of documentation: a signed affidavit, swearing under oath that they had sex, physical evidence, or so forth. Seriously, will this require something like testing or some other intrusive indignity? Will they be asked whether they experienced the big O or not?

Then, there is how government might define sex. Don't laugh. Will some Clintonian criterion define sex only in terms of actual intercourse; or would minor benefits* forms of sexual relations also count? If the justification for this fringe benefit is to increase the birth rate, then certainly this could be for this kind of restriction. Also, some diligent governmental statisticians will have to crunch, or at least massage, the data!

Given that a significant number of workers are unmarried, then a paid sex leave benefit could be seen by some as encouraging premarital sex! That would offend a number of people because of  moralistic issues! Indeed, some states decided to require that government workers get married before this benefit would be available to them. Or, if pregnancy resulted, can you say governmental-elicited shotgun weddings?

Anyway, the two major political parties had a lot to work out with this idea. Democrats were in favor of paid sex leave; but wanted to extend it to all workers, not just government employees. Capitalists were not keen on this, especially for fast food workers, who had to find other means of their employees getting screwed. Bible-Belt Republicans who officially adopted a moralistic stance were opposed; however, a number of them were won over when it was pointed out that they too were government employees and that there's nothing like a little roll in the hay to ease tensions after a long afternoon of sessions or committee meetings!  Also, a telling argument was that government employees canoodling were causing less mischief then as opposed to doing government work. Now that's a concept that anti-big government people can easily grasp!

But a significant attraction for most Democrats and those Republicans was that more government bureaucrats could be hired to deal with paperwork generated by this new governmental benefit. In triplicate, of course. And have the compensated employees give all the gory details! This is to ensure that no one given the paid leave was doing other things, like texting or reading comic books, instead of what they were paid to do!

Nothing more refreshing than a little sex on the taxpayer's dime!

*From the expression, friends with minor benefits.

The House Un-American Committee on Condiments

Congress, after creeping into rest room stalls, snooping into computers, taking issue with Spring Break, and other seemingly trivial parts of American life, wound up by declaring some things downright Un-American. Now they turned to condiments.

Word got out that the prototypical American sandwiches, the hot dog and the hamburger, have been appearing with alien seasonings that causes a watchdog Congressional committee to formally take action. They noted that the All-American hamburger, instead of being righteously adorned with mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, tomato, pickle, lettuce, a slice of onion, and sometimes cheddar cheese, has been presented with other elements instead: boursin, bacon, barbecue sauce, green peppers, salsa, fried eggs, and even arugula! What next, peanut butter?

One hamburger chain even advertised "have it your way;" utterly at variance with commonly-accepted ways of how a hamburger should be decorated! Some of the midwestern Congresspersons suspected Red Chinese influences at work. Maybe seeing some vendors using soy sauce caused this worry.

As for hot dogs, instead of being rightly presented with mustard and ketchup (chili for the renegade southwestern crowd), sometimes jalapeño peppers and onions appeared, not †o mention the creeping Europeanism of some subversive chefs. Clearly, this called for Congressional action. All the hallmarks of the Avocado Mafia are present.

And you know what that means? Innumerable hearings, bringing a series of cooks, chefs, and vendors in and subjecting them to the shame of a Congressional grilling. The onion rings were identified as a tell-tale sign of creeping hamburger pomposity. And steep penalties were levied. 

A night café cook in Hattiesburg was hauled in for daring to putt chili on a hamburger! What an outrage! And in New Jersey some subversive was taken off the streets for putting marinara sauce on hamburgers and hot dogs. The spray cheese cartel was brought to heel, and what is left was †he God-fearing, wholesome American hamburger and hot dog garnished in the approved ways. 

Having vanquished these alarming trends, the Committee vowed to look into the critical toilet paper matter next: The subversive under-the-roll insurgents seemed to increase in numbers, especially among the hipsters. A lot of our recent decadence can be blamed on hipsters.

Happy July, Dear Friends! Have it your way, whatever that might be. Celebrate your independence from arbitrary culinary or fashion rules.

(For the record, I don't like my-neez (mayonnaise) on mine or anything else.)

Making Our Politicians More Palatable

At long last; after many months of making the least trusted designation on the Gallup Poll, the elected Representatives and Senators started getting their heads together to win hearts and minds of the Electorate again. But in Washington fashion, they hire out a public relations firm to advise them on which path to pursue. And in really true Washington style, they give it to several companies as part of a network of political favors.

Using this approach, how did these hired flacks propose to put some lipstick on a pig? And toenail polish as well? When Congress goes whole hog, it does it Cadillac style!

Well, one company suggested that they do a Congress Swimsuit Issue. Now this idea worked both for Sports Illustrated and for various organizations; why not depict their nations' lawmakers in very human, relaxed poses?  As a matter of fact, nearly 400 of our reprehensives offered to pose. 

But the photographers found this task to be intolerable, even when the Congresspersons posed seductively. Especially then. They remarked that The Annual Roadkill Swimsuit Issue would draw more of an audience.

Another company proposed "Dancing with the Politicians." But the Republicans and Democrats could dance only around issues only; except Ted Cruz, who would not dance with anyone. And then someone proposed Donald Trump dancing the tango with Nancy Pelosi to puncture that bubble.

The old-style politico trick of kissing babies might have worked in a more innocent time; but nowadays this could be twisted into a rumor of pedophile tendencies. Likewise, they must refrain from kissing blonde homecoming queens! Poll makers have not thus far discerned whether it's okay to kiss gothic lolitas; but it might help with the millennial vote. (Think Abby on NCIS.)

But somehow our vaunted election primary process has managed to come up with two presumptive candidates who both have more than half of the people distrust them. Will this result in a Clinton win by default; or the ascendancy of a new, third party? And that's only the "very unfavorable" ratings, folks!  

Some possible candidates develop a strategy of running as an outsider from Washington; but that doesn't play too well when the same candidate runs for reelection. The temptation of recycling candidates does have an intuitive appeal. Let them run for a different office.

Cowgirl Melinda Muses on Politics, 2016 Style

Sometimes on the prairie a gal gets time to think away from the blare of media coverage of election politics up to one's wazoo. Holy cow; don't they make whiskey or at least chill pills do deal with such excesses! Anyway, some lonesome cowboys came to the chuckwagon with notions, both about good chuck and making a play for Melinda. But . . . . they are no showers on the prairie and everyone smells like cows.

So they told lies and talked about politics. Or lied about politics, which is par for 2016.

This got Melinda into some talking.

"Ya know, Shorty, those tame Eastern politicians have some crazy notions."

"How so, Sweet Buns?"

After throwing a biscuit at Shorty, Melinda discoursed. 

"Well, first of all, what's this about building an 1800-mile wall across the desert to keep people out? Why not build a barbed wire fence between South Dakota and Wyoming to keep the eastern varmints out?"

Pecos Larry said, "Now that's a good notion to chew on. And how about those people confused as to where they want to pee?"

"Now that's a strange question. Pee where you want; just don't go behind a bush occupied by someone else."

"Now this Bernie Sanders fella wants to send everyone to college. What you think of that?"

"We gotta think more about that wild notion. After all, these people running for office went to such places as Princeton, Yale, Chicago, and Wharton, wherever the hell that is. How come they keep such strange notions? Next thing, they're thinking like crazy Coloradans after smoking that legal locoweed. Where's all the money coming from?" They're going to tax us more till we squeal! And then tax the squeal!"

Shorty said he couldn't make out those superdelegates, What super powers did they have?

"Shoot . . . . ponder! Their superpower is not having to listen to the common lot like us, never mind what the voters say. Think of them as big mules 'cause they're plumb stubborn."

One of the cowpokes said he could never keep straight why some people get fewer convention votes despite getting more votes at the polls. 

Melinda interpreted it thusly, "Politics is like playing poker with a rigged deck. And I don't play no strip poker; just penny ante hands. People who play politics should always remember it's like playing poker in a crooked house."

Shorty just had an idea he couldn't get out of his craw. "What about all the newspaper and television reporters reporting so much on the candidates, Melinda?"

"Listen up, Bucko. No one can resist being paid to watch a train wreck or a strip show."

North Carolina's Private Parts Inspection Corps

Recently North Carolina passed a law requiring people, when they go (ahem!), they go in the rest room of the sex listed on their birth certificates. Not surprisingly, this has generated a lot of controversy; not a surprise, given the presence of transgender people and our national media's taste for sensational controversy. But this is the American Way. Think of it in the Wonderbra analogy: making mountains out of molehills; and there's nothing that legislators like more than being busybodies!

But there are the little practical issue: how is this law going to be enforced?

Well, one possible solution that might be adopted by North Carolina is to establish a State Private Parts Inspection Corps. This, of course, would be defined in civil service terms, specifying training, snappy uniforms, requiring long lines in front of the rest rooms, and a lengthy handbook of policies to make sure no one pees in the inappropriate place.

Naturally, these Private Parts Inspectors will need special vehicles to transport them to their workplaces and look efficient while doing so. Clearly, their Private Parts cars will need sirens (si-reens as they're referred to in the sticks) and powerful engines to speed to any Inappropriate bowel or bladder relief that might be taking place and beat the offender into state-approved submission!

Legislation enabling this creepy corps will result in a large swelling of state employees; in addition to the paper-shufflers in the D.M.V. or the Income Tax Department there will be the paperwork to complete afterwards by these inspectors. The job's not over until the paperwork is complete! What scale do they use to grade them?

Obviously, the rigors of monitoring private parts will require these stalwarts periodic rest and relaxation leaves and periodic therapy to deal with job-related post-traumatic stress disorder! After all, the Tarheel State looks after its own, and each other's members! 

Henceforth, there are no private parts in North Carolina exempt from bureaucratic inspection.

Senator Heflin's Press Release

Senator Howell Heflin used to represent Alabama in Washington years ago, in addition to having been a Justice on the Alabama Supreme Court.

This press release was issued by then-Senator Howell Heflin's office on July 19, 1994. That morning, the Senator had been dining in the Capitol with some Alabama reporters, and suddenly felt a sniffle coming on. The reporters were astonished when the Senator reached into his pocket, pulled out a bit of fabric and began to wipe his nose with ... a pair of ladies underwear.

However, the Senator handled it well.

Here's  a press release he issued:


STATEMENT OF SEN. HOWELL HEFLIN

HANDKERCHIEF

JULY 19, 1994

I mistakenly picked up a pair of my wife's white panties and put them in my pocket while I was rushing out the door to go to work.

Rather than take a chance on being embarrassed again, I'm going to start buying colored handkerchiefs.


GOOD SAVE, SENATOR!

Political Overreactions in the News

Somewhat against my better judgment, I'm going political again.

Two things come to mind: the report by psychologists that people are complaining of symptoms of "Trump anxiety." Now anxiety, or angst, refers to feelings about unease about some aspect of life, that might be a perceived threat. For example, I'm not very keen about bungee jumping. Does that merit me a label of "anxiety disorder" from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual? Nope. I think that the same applies to these people. All that the psychologists are implying is that Donald Trump is a source of unease for these patients who cannot predict what the near election and its aftermath will bring. They may well be grasping reality very well.

So chill, you all. There's not a likelihood of Trump anxiety disorder appearing in Diagnostic and Statistical Manual VI. Any more than earlier Diagnostic and Statistical Manuals needed Y2K Anxiety Disorder.

A closely related example is that Google reported a big uptick in web searches for living in Canada or obtaining Canadian citizenship. This supposedly indicates a panic reaction to the post-election political and social climate.

Actually, some people might have emigrated to Canada to avoid the draft in the 10's; but relatively few.

Back in the 1860's and 1870's about 20,000 former Confederates migrated to Brazil, leading to an ethnic group around Sao Paulo referred to as the Confederados. At the time, the South's economy was gone, the infrastructure was in the toilet, and there was widespread starvation. Not to mention armed straggling goons from both sides roaming about the landscape. But I don't see large numbers of people being so disaffected now as to migrate like they did in 1865. After all, they would have to substitute hockey or soccer for football in their passions. That would be a real test for fans, especially if the Buckeyes or Tigers or Crimson Tide were in the bowls!

The Revolt of the Bubbas

I "borrowed" this title from José Ortega y Gasset's book Revolt of the Masses. It seems to me that there is an often-overlooked factor that is becoming increasingly evident in American politics: the mounting disaffection for the usual type of politician favored by the major political parties. Presently, Donald  Trump is leading in polls for the Republican nomination; and Hillary Clinton is challenged by Bernie Sanders for the Democratic one. I don't know what will transpire when the primaries come on, but Jeb Bush is losing ground and other possible establishment candidates were less than inspirational.

As for Hillary, a common sentiment is, "In order for me to vote Democratic, must I vote for her?"

It seems to me that there has always been a strong Populist sentiment in our collective American DNA. While this is less evident at some times, on other occasions it might rear its scary head, at least as perceived by the Eastern elitists. Andrew Jackson rode into the White House on a strong populist platform; and this movement returned in the 1890's and early 1900's. While the Populists did not elect a President, they managed to influence laws reining in trusts, having pure food and drugs, ending the more severe abuses in child labor, controlling sexual exploitation, and eventually the forty-hour week. 

Populism in those earlier manifestations stood for the little guy, for local government by consent rather than from above, and for resisting pressure from outside powerful others. Nowadays these outside sources of pressure are reified in the form of big business, the Eastern Establishment, the liberal academic elite, the mainstream media, and the preening popinjays of Hollywood. Not to mention Main Street!

I'll have to admit that they annoy me sometimes too.

But the people that are most disaffected are the working stiffs, particularly the ones who are just getting by. These are the same ones that feel threatened or put upon by this cabal of busybodies. They see the major parties as the tools of these elites and special interest groups when many of them see themselves as unrepresented. Because of this, they are open to the allure of the outsider with simplistic solutions.

Despite what political parties say, both are open to seeking blocs of votes that they can reliably count on. In some ways, this makes their job of pleasing the electorate easier: please a part of them. Make them a special interest group that they service! On the other hand, these groups have to be given some reasons for their continued support. In that way, both parties must cater to the groups they already have in the fold.

The Bubbas are often scorned by people considering themselves to be elite. Despite the Trumpees, they're not necessarily reactionary or racist; but they seemed to feel shut out of the American Dream and into the American Just Getting By. The fact is, their job security is very thin.

In short, there are a lot of people out there that felt that their concerns and problems were not taken into account, and some of them are scared. Rightly so. They might be prone to accept nostrums or pat solutions.

Nobody for President!

As odd as it might be, there is a substantial number of people who are not too keen on any of the Presidential candidates.

Or maybe it's not so odd, given the quality of discourse and the apparent lack of truthiness of some of the major players. There's the Democratic front runner (for now), getting under a cloud. And the Republican front runner who conducts his campaign like a true rabble-rouser. And the others: ordinary scolds, loonies, proto-fascists, and so forth. One East Coast Governor who is running literally lives large. 

The disgruntled even are getting organized, like in years gone by:

Or supporting minority candidates, like Deez Nuts:

I worry that the little stickums people wear on election day will go from:

to this one:

Anyway, I'd like to join Fat Freddy's parade right now (sorry Bobby).  There's too much demagogery, too much playing on peoples' worst instincts, so much skirting of the issues. These are not running for some no-count Student Government President!

Sorry about my squawk . . . .

Congressional Sex Scandals as a Necessity for News

"The horror!  The horror!"
         -- Mister Kurtz, The Heart of Darkness

As the 114th Congress takes office, the news reporters from both the mainstream and tabloid press (the distinction is often blurred) have been increasingly aware that hard-hitting exposés of official turpitude have less than a stimulating effect on readership indignation and newspaper sales.  Likewise, Congressional or Executive gridlock has occurred so often that they're kind of like repeated revolutions in banana republics!  And, of course, if sales are down, then ad revenue is likely to follow much like the genteel ladies' unmentionables in an Art Frahm painting! 

So a Trilateral Commission of journalists truly gathered, silently prayed that some major newsworthy event would occur, and discussed the problem.   They talked about a Newsworthy Gap, realizing that what was considered newsworthy in 1920 or 1960 would not fly very well now.  For one thing, news was dumbed down; and certain subjects intruded into the moral framework of the news.  Ugh!  News became something to entertain with, not to elevate or enlighten.

Finally, one brash columnist from the West Virginian Mountain Eagle proposed a panacea for their news woes:  What the news really needs is a good old-fashioned sex scandal.  However, the objection had it, that the reading or viewing public has become relatively desensitized regarding a lot of this, so that journalists tended to get little mileage from garden variety indiscretions.  [And, who were they to judge?  Hard-charging journalists were desperately in need of a story that just writes itself.]

As the columnist pointed out, noteworthy exceptions to the readerships' blasé reactions came with two New York politicians: one who sexted naughty pictures of himself to various women; and another who was outed as having congress with a high-end tart!  Something a little more was needed!  The columnists pointed out that people in the field of entertainment got a lot of news from the strategic releases of sex tapes!  Now what could be simpler?  Catch some randy Republican or daring Democrat in flagrante delicto on film.

Holy ABSCAM, Batman!

Now all they needed was a pigeon or two.  However, they discovered in reading through news archives that a Congressperson once did indeed make the news by enjoying co-ed swimming with a stripper in a Washington fountain.  And he was re-elected!  Therefore, they proposed a scenario:

a.  Some politician make a sex tape or release a sex tape of the heterosexual persuasion, with someone who is clearly old enough and willing but especially HOT!
b.  His or her tape gets discovered; and censored scenes from it are released on the news.
c.  The errant politician holds a press conference, it which he pleads contriteness while his or her wronged spouse stands by her/his man.
d.  His paramour is able to convert her exposure into a sitcom career.
e.  The politician gets re-elected.
f.  Newspapers sales skyrocket!

However, there were flaws to this scenario:  Both the Democrats and Republicans tend to be risk-aversive.  They might not buy this idea!  Also, how many people would want to see a Congressional sex tape?  Even the novelty factor might not be enough to make this work.

Finally, some big muckety-muck proposed that they make a sex tape using journalists.  They got lots of volunteers!  After all, they were a tribe immune to any sense of shame!

Nationalizing Bikinis

Recently Salon on-line magazine had a provocative article in which the writer proposed nationalizing such corporations such as Google, Amazon, and Facebook.  I have no idea if this was just to give Jeff Bezos an upset stomach, to make Republicans' heads explode, or simply to engage in a little bit of "look at me; I'm provocative" writing.  I don't know.  This isn't going to happen, any more than a President less than two years' away from the end of his second term is likely to be impeached. 

http://www.salon.com/2014/07/08/lets_nationalize_amazon_and_google_publicly_funded_technology_built_big_tech/

Oh well, politics is

". . . . a tale told by an idiot; full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

[With apologies to Bill Shakespeare.]

But suppose our sicko Federal government decided to nationalize the bikini industry?  Given their track record of successes with the VA, FEMA, GM, the IRS, and the Post Office, this would be another cock up to crow about!

Well, the first thing they would do is write national standards for swimsuits and set up government overseers of the swimsuit industry.

Next they would appoint some Bikini Top Administrator* from some dismal cold, Eastern M state to run the whole thing.  This could serve as an opportunity for political patronage.

Since they would have a lot of free time, the overseers would quickly standardize models and colors of bikinis.  For example they would phase out the string bikini and the micro bikini, arguing that its style origins are foreign; and that the minimalist fabric requirements is detrimental to the remaining part of the nationalized garment industry.  As far as color is concerned, basic black, light gray, and dark gray color schemes would be allowed as per government regulations.  But, even better, the simple purchase of a bikini would require that extensive forms be filled out so that the bureaucratic machinery could properly regulate things.

It goes without saying that wearing Daisy Dukes and a top was now illegal.  Jessica Simpson cried.

The sale of swimwear would be only in government stores and purchase subject to review by a screening committee.  These stores would be located only in metropolises in which bureaucrats would deign to dwell.

And an additional enforcement agency could become required.  Actually, this could provide an additional raison d' être for the Revenuers still dealing with moonshine, since moonshining is only practiced in backward places such as North Carolina and Tennessee.  These New Revenuers could patrol beaches along the reluctant Gulf Coast and Californian coasts where violations of the new regulations could likely occur.  Oh well, harassing girls is a magnitude less dangerous than breaking up some mountaineer's still.

Furthermore, revenuers who got into trouble could be assigned beaches in Alaska or Maine.

Obviously, older swimsuits would still be permitted provided they were obviously dated or the wearer could produce a bill of sale for said swimwear.  Of course, these fake or backdated bills of sale could be provided by bikini bootleggers.  And snowbird visitors to the United States could help underwrite their time off in Florida sunshine by bring a few extra suits along for sale!  

And adventuresome entrepreneurs would smuggle bikinis across our Canadian and Mexican borders, much like there was a smuggling market for toilets that used sufficient water to adequately flush wastes.  Americans will go to great lengths to be flushed with success.

A complication of regulation came from the lively Caribbean cruising industry.  Suddenly another reason to go to Aruba or Saint Martin is to purchase bikinis to sneak back into the U.S.  In response to this, more customs agents were required to screen the disembarkation of passengers, and the searching of suitcases made this process more complicated.

However, one bright form of resistance came from American striptease artists.  They would wear on stage the brightest and most outrageously patterns of bikinis for the edification of Americans!  Strangely enough, government regulators either failed to take this form of resistance into account, or did not want their agents to enter those dens of iniquity.

They had more success when they prescribed weight and waistline standards for speedo wearers later on.


*Instead of being referred to as the Bikini Czar, she or he could be referred to as the Big ****.

Visiting Canadian or wearer of contraband swimsuit

Political Leanings of Cartoon Characters

One of the hazards of being too, too much into politics is the tendency to find politics in odd places.  Just out of idle curiosity, I did a search on the political leanings of political characters, including popular ones from the Warner Brothers and Disney canons.  There, surprisingly, I find that people have stated their opinions regarding the likely politics of Mickey Mouse (Republican), Donald Duck (Paranoid with ideas about conspiracies), Chip and Dale (Democrats), Bugs Bunny (Democrat), Daffy Duck (Liberterian), Foghorn Leghorn (Republican), Elmer Fudd (Republican), the Smurfs (Communist), Yogi Bear (Republican).

Democrat?

This is despite two limitations: these are imaginary characters, and animals besides.  The only species of animals allowed to vote in the United States are humans and jackasses.

To date, no one has speculated on the politics of Ash Ketchum, or Misty, May, and Dawn.  They are probably not NRA members, as they seek to tame the Pokemon monsters rather than shoot them.

Princess Lum would be ineligible to participate meaningfully in Japanese politics because she's an alien oni and underage.  And her fans, being otakus, are typically nonpolitical.


http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018176739

http://www.unknown.nu/cartoon/

http://www.toonzone.net/forums/toonzone-general-animation-discussion/227399-cartoon-characters-political-beliefs-serious-thread.html




Apolitical



The Louisiana Senate Refuses to Allow 'Chicken Boxing'

As incredible as it may seem, a Louisiana State Senator actually brought up a bill that would make "chicken boxing" legal.  This "sport," very similar to cockfighting but with the birds wearing rubber gloves over their talons, was offered as a harmless, bloodless sport by Sen Elbert Guillory (R- Eunice).

Louisiana outlawed cockfighting in 2008 -- the last state in the country to do so.  Cockfighting is a disgusting enterprise; cruel to the birds, debasing to the humans who want to watch such a spectacle, and a blot on the state.  Outlawing cockfighting was long overdue. 

I could not help but see this bill as a deliberate attempt to circumvent the anti-cockfight legislation by creating some exceptions.  And, of course, when sheriff is not around, the protective gloves might be removed from the birds and they can fight by using their own talons.

Fortunately, the Louisiana Senate saw it this way too: it turned down the bill by a vote of 29-8.  For once, more level-headed members of the Legislature prevailed.

I did a cursory on-line search.  No state allows bullfighting.  (Thank heaven for small favors.)  In all states, dog fighting is a felony offense.  One state, Alabama, even specifically has outlawed bear wrestling.  I wondered whether this was a misspelling, as in forbidding unclothed individuals from wrestling, whether in a ring or in a pool of Jello.  No, it forbade ursine participants from doing so. 

While people tend to associate cockfighting and dog fighting with the backwoods South, it does occur in other areas as well.  It is important to ensure that the anti-animal fighting laws are not modified so as to provide loopholes in which those disgusting practices can continue.






http://www.nola.com/politics/index.ssf/2014/04/louisiana_senate_rejects_chick.html

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/la-senate-refuses-protect-chicken-boxing-23231566