Recently North Carolina passed a law requiring people, when they go (ahem!), they go in the rest room of the sex listed on their birth certificates. Not surprisingly, this has generated a lot of controversy; not a surprise, given the presence of transgender people and our national media's taste for sensational controversy. But this is the American Way. Think of it in the Wonderbra analogy: making mountains out of molehills; and there's nothing that legislators like more than being busybodies!
But there are the little practical issue: how is this law going to be enforced?
Well, one possible solution that might be adopted by North Carolina is to establish a State Private Parts Inspection Corps. This, of course, would be defined in civil service terms, specifying training, snappy uniforms, requiring long lines in front of the rest rooms, and a lengthy handbook of policies to make sure no one pees in the inappropriate place.
Naturally, these Private Parts Inspectors will need special vehicles to transport them to their workplaces and look efficient while doing so. Clearly, their Private Parts cars will need sirens (si-reens as they're referred to in the sticks) and powerful engines to speed to any Inappropriate bowel or bladder relief that might be taking place and beat the offender into state-approved submission!
Legislation enabling this creepy corps will result in a large swelling of state employees; in addition to the paper-shufflers in the D.M.V. or the Income Tax Department there will be the paperwork to complete afterwards by these inspectors. The job's not over until the paperwork is complete! What scale do they use to grade them?
Obviously, the rigors of monitoring private parts will require these stalwarts periodic rest and relaxation leaves and periodic therapy to deal with job-related post-traumatic stress disorder! After all, the Tarheel State looks after its own, and each other's members!
Henceforth, there are no private parts in North Carolina exempt from bureaucratic inspection.
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