Wednesday, April 13, 2016

North Carolina's Private Parts Inspection Corps

Recently North Carolina passed a law requiring people, when they go (ahem!), they go in the rest room of the sex listed on their birth certificates. Not surprisingly, this has generated a lot of controversy; not a surprise, given the presence of transgender people and our national media's taste for sensational controversy. But this is the American Way. Think of it in the Wonderbra analogy: making mountains out of molehills; and there's nothing that legislators like more than being busybodies!

But there are the little practical issue: how is this law going to be enforced?

Well, one possible solution that might be adopted by North Carolina is to establish a State Private Parts Inspection Corps. This, of course, would be defined in civil service terms, specifying training, snappy uniforms, requiring long lines in front of the rest rooms, and a lengthy handbook of policies to make sure no one pees in the inappropriate place.

Naturally, these Private Parts Inspectors will need special vehicles to transport them to their workplaces and look efficient while doing so. Clearly, their Private Parts cars will need sirens (si-reens as they're referred to in the sticks) and powerful engines to speed to any Inappropriate bowel or bladder relief that might be taking place and beat the offender into state-approved submission!

Legislation enabling this creepy corps will result in a large swelling of state employees; in addition to the paper-shufflers in the D.M.V. or the Income Tax Department there will be the paperwork to complete afterwards by these inspectors. The job's not over until the paperwork is complete! What scale do they use to grade them?

Obviously, the rigors of monitoring private parts will require these stalwarts periodic rest and relaxation leaves and periodic therapy to deal with job-related post-traumatic stress disorder! After all, the Tarheel State looks after its own, and each other's members! 

Henceforth, there are no private parts in North Carolina exempt from bureaucratic inspection.

9 comments:

Hell Hound said...

Could women flash their books so the inspectors could be doubly sure? Better safe than sorry.

Linda Kay said...

Oh, my...this is so funny, but unfortunately right on about all the results of this special squad. And just think, they might even have to get a court order to obtain the birth certificate for the individual they are inspecting, causing delays and long lines at the courthouse.

Mike said...

Recently saw a story online about a gay gal that looked to much like a guy. She was at a McDonalds and used the girls facilities. McDonalds tossed her out. I saw some pictures of her and depending on her hairstyle she could look like a guy.

Maybe it's time to do what they do in Asia and just pee on the side of the road.

John Hill said...

Gonna have to carry a copy of your birth certificate to go pee!

Grand Crapaud said...

I like Mike's idea. Maybe people should just pee on the side of the building. I was not traumatized when I used a unisex toilet in France, at the Louvre, yet!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

That law was just buying trouble.

allenwoodhaven said...

Nice post; very amusing! They should use toilet paper for the paperwork. That way it'd be worth something as it could be recycled right then and there.

Cloudia said...

You may inspect my privates - but hands off my guns!

Bilbo said...

Well done, Angel! I guess John is right ... we need to carry a birth certificate in order to pee in North Carolina. Just goes to show that legislators can pass stupid and useless laws.