Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Congressional Sex Scandals as a Necessity for News

"The horror!  The horror!"
         -- Mister Kurtz, The Heart of Darkness

As the 114th Congress takes office, the news reporters from both the mainstream and tabloid press (the distinction is often blurred) have been increasingly aware that hard-hitting exposés of official turpitude have less than a stimulating effect on readership indignation and newspaper sales.  Likewise, Congressional or Executive gridlock has occurred so often that they're kind of like repeated revolutions in banana republics!  And, of course, if sales are down, then ad revenue is likely to follow much like the genteel ladies' unmentionables in an Art Frahm painting! 

So a Trilateral Commission of journalists truly gathered, silently prayed that some major newsworthy event would occur, and discussed the problem.   They talked about a Newsworthy Gap, realizing that what was considered newsworthy in 1920 or 1960 would not fly very well now.  For one thing, news was dumbed down; and certain subjects intruded into the moral framework of the news.  Ugh!  News became something to entertain with, not to elevate or enlighten.

Finally, one brash columnist from the West Virginian Mountain Eagle proposed a panacea for their news woes:  What the news really needs is a good old-fashioned sex scandal.  However, the objection had it, that the reading or viewing public has become relatively desensitized regarding a lot of this, so that journalists tended to get little mileage from garden variety indiscretions.  [And, who were they to judge?  Hard-charging journalists were desperately in need of a story that just writes itself.]

As the columnist pointed out, noteworthy exceptions to the readerships' blasé reactions came with two New York politicians: one who sexted naughty pictures of himself to various women; and another who was outed as having congress with a high-end tart!  Something a little more was needed!  The columnists pointed out that people in the field of entertainment got a lot of news from the strategic releases of sex tapes!  Now what could be simpler?  Catch some randy Republican or daring Democrat in flagrante delicto on film.

Holy ABSCAM, Batman!

Now all they needed was a pigeon or two.  However, they discovered in reading through news archives that a Congressperson once did indeed make the news by enjoying co-ed swimming with a stripper in a Washington fountain.  And he was re-elected!  Therefore, they proposed a scenario:

a.  Some politician make a sex tape or release a sex tape of the heterosexual persuasion, with someone who is clearly old enough and willing but especially HOT!
b.  His or her tape gets discovered; and censored scenes from it are released on the news.
c.  The errant politician holds a press conference, it which he pleads contriteness while his or her wronged spouse stands by her/his man.
d.  His paramour is able to convert her exposure into a sitcom career.
e.  The politician gets re-elected.
f.  Newspapers sales skyrocket!

However, there were flaws to this scenario:  Both the Democrats and Republicans tend to be risk-aversive.  They might not buy this idea!  Also, how many people would want to see a Congressional sex tape?  Even the novelty factor might not be enough to make this work.

Finally, some big muckety-muck proposed that they make a sex tape using journalists.  They got lots of volunteers!  After all, they were a tribe immune to any sense of shame!


Anemone said...

Spare me from a Pelosi tape.

Linda Kay said...

Ugh...I can't think of one politician that I would find worth my while to follow his/her indiscretion. What a picture that creates. I think the royals didn't even get the attention the news media thought they would. Whatever shall we do... Myself, I would just like to hear the news and be able to believe it as fact!

TexWisGirl said...

this line says it all: News became something to entertain with, not to elevate or enlighten.

Cloudia said...

Abscam! LOL! I never know what delights you will share!

ALOHA from Honolulu

Mike said...

How about Mitch McConnell and his mothers best friend.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Linda Kay, I would like the news objective and not tacky too.

Anemone, Mr. Kurtz's quote covers that.

TexWisGirl, so true.

Mike, I missed that one.

Cloudia, that was only a bribery deal. Not as juicy.

Bilbo said...

You don't need a real scandal to generate news sales and viewership ... Faux News has been doing just fine for years with screaming exaggeration and outright falsehoods.