Sunday, May 11, 2014

Graduate School as a Place for Getting a Husband

Reductress, apparently a totally frivolous site, recently had a short piece on the six best grad schools for finding a husband.  In this bit of "practical advice,"  they extol the University of Michigan, Cal at Berkeley, Cornell, Vanderbilt, the University of Iowa, and Canada in general as places to attend for those having anxiety over having drawn the Old Maid card.  Several unrelated thoughts come to mind:

1)  Will husband-hungry Ohio girls swallow their pride and consign themselves to a lifetime of "Hail to the Victor"?

2)  The author managed to get a cheap shot at some of the South in general, despite giving Vandy a rave review.

3)  What's with the negativity toward Dartmouth (Neanderthals) and UPenn (disgusting)?  And I thought studying and making good grades was expected anyway for getting into grad school.  Having a good G.P.A. is not a requirement for the Ivy League only; but for most grad schools.

4)  Anyway, the life of most graduate students, whether T.A.s or otherwise, is for the most part solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.  Yes, I ripped that off of Thomas Hobbes.  And the solitariness of it is the result of consistent study, performing grad school-related chores, and having that constant fear that one is late.  (Call that the White Rabbit syndrome.)  I'll spell it out: most guys in a serious grad program don't have time for the ladies.

5)  However, the stubborn fact that the article left out is the one that the husband finishing graduate school may be then in the ranks of the unemployed if he specialized in certain disciplines.  History, English, and Fine Arts (Farts) come immediately to mind.  In others, particularly those in which the primary employer is academic, this might require the two of you to live in some very small, isolated town that is college-centered.  And, there, you have to curb your free spirit.  (Wear underwear, for example; and learn the role of a wife of a junior faculty member.)  Also, there is genteel poverty, as instructors and assistant professors are usually underpaid.  If I had to hazard the three financially best bets for potential husbands, I would say medicine, petroleum engineering, and mining engineering.

6.  A good percentage of graduate students are already married.  However, sometimes there are unexpected sweet moments.

As a matter of fact, a common grad school phenomenon is the infrequent drunken party; in which some of the players wind up in bed together.  The wise woman will stop at two drinks, go home early, and get her beauty rest, or at least go over her notes one more time.  Otherwise, there's the fear of who you might wake up with.  The coyote ugly phenomenon works both ways, gentle readers, and you do not want to be with child.

Anyway, I guess I wrote my peace.  Just beware of advice from strange sources.



Grand Crapaud said...

Graduate or professional school is a full-time job, and then some. There's scarce time for a personal life.

Banana Oil said...

An interesting concept, though. Conventional marriage is becoming less conventional nowadays.

Mike said...

My advice - Always be aware of advice from any source.

Cloudia said...

A wise and informative piece you should submit to Bustle, or such. Really. You are just one delight after another. How fortuitous that you and I so amicably share the treasures of our Life Stages with such pleasure.

Chuck Bear said...

Grad school does not sound like a fun time of life. No fraternity parties.

Bilbo said...

When I went to grad school I was already married and had a full-time job. Sleep is overrated.