Thursday, May 14, 2020

The Prophetess and Crazy Chester Meet the Fifth Horseman

Well, peeps, you've heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: they are commonly reckoned as War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death. Now it happened that Madeline the Prophetess and Crazy Chester ran into a fifth one: Rude Mannered Turistas.

Running into strange sorts is commonplace if you're down in New Orleans's French Quarter in the wee hours of the morning, especially away from the Tourists. New Orleans has always been tolerant of weirdness. Drunks, mischievous youths, and Turistas sporting berets for the duration we can deal with. However, Madeline and Chester ran into a new twist.

It happened innocently enough. Chester and Madeline were talking; just commenting on trivia (both were good at wasting-time talk. And they were talking in the language of Descartes and Pascal.

Oops! Maybe Justin Wilson and Dave Robichaux. Yes, they were using a dialect of French and Louisiana Creole mixture. To be candid, the French as spoken in New Orleans's French Quarter would cause the hoity-toity Parisian to shudder! (They're linguistic purists there.)

And, without any preamble, this loud and brassy middle-aged women approached them and bawled them out:

"This is the United States. Talk English!"

So Crazy Chester goes to Madeline, "The United States? When did this happen?"

"And Madeline replies, "I dunno. Missed that item now that the Picyaune is no longer around." She was alluding to the fact that the T-P was bought out by a Baton Rouge paper (Good Lord!). And everyone knows that there be monsters upriver, on the other side of the Bonnet Carre Spillway, and no one should risk his immortal soul by venturing there.

The rude-mannered visitor decided that those two were psycho.


Mike said...

I probably would have thought the same thing but not said anything.
Where did you buy your bikini?

John A Hill said...

It has been decades since I wandered the French Quarter far from the tourist traps. Perhaps I should consider a return visit.

allenwoodhaven said...

"The United States? When did this happen?" is a perfect! What a great line! Great story.

Nice to see you back.