Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Cowgirl Melinda Joins a Tame Eastern Show!

After the Fall herding and cow-tending was over, Cowgirl Melinda found herself with some time on her hands; so she decided to temporarily work in a Wild West Show to entertain the little buckaroos and buckarettes back East with a passel of cowhand tricks and sharp shootin'.

Dang if she didn't get the idea late, and the various cowboy shows already had their hard-ridin', sharp-shootin' cowgirl and as she had no wish to be a stable jockey, she pouted.

But then in the local county weekly, she saw a tiny ad that went like this:


To Appear in

Captain Randy's Tame Eastern Spectacle!

*Ride with the horsey set!
*Exhibit your equestrian skills!
*Astound people with your skill at chukker!
*Demonstrate your acumen with a polo mallet!
*Perform intricate games, such as canasta, twister, and the cornhole game.
*Special: Jousting exhibition from Maryland!

Awesome Opportunity!
Western Tour: Winter of 2012.

Now Cowgirl Melinda was entranced.  What are those equestrian skills talked about in the ad?  She always thought of herself as the complete cowgirl; and there was no situation in Wyoming or Montana or Colorado that she wasn't up to.  Still, a buck is a buck; and they don't give beans or whiskey away and this sounds better than shoveling  horse doody in Wyoming.  Even on the Big Rock Candy Mountain on the Lone Prairie. 

So she inquired, and was hired. 

However, when she went for a costume fitting, she found out that they expected her to wear jodhpurs and a funny hat! 

"Thunderation, "Cowgirl Melinda said.  "Those fancy pants make my butt look big."

She was informed that this was normal equestrian wear in the horsey set.  And she should even carry a little whip, instead of wearing righteous spurs.  And the beverage of choice for the horsey crowd was either Martinis or Cosmopolitans.  She wasn't having anything to do with a drink named after a magazine that had content in it that made her blush.

She wasn't good at canasta; she learned poker and that was it.  Croquet?  Can you play it while mounted?  No.

Still, Melinda wasn't having anything of it.  So they put her in the stables as a horse valet, tending to the basic needs of creatures with too much respect to wear pants that make their butts look big!  Horses and real cowgirls have their standards; but it is said that even cowgirls get the blues.  Working in a Tame Eastern Show can do that to you. 


Big Sky Heidi said...

I wouldn't wear jodhpurs either. Great story.

Banana Oil said...


Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Melinda sounds like a great role model for buckarettes, and a hot gal for the buckaroos! I like your Cowgirl Melinda stories' wryness.

Clarissa said...

Totally weird. I like it!

Mike said...

'..carry a little whip..'

It's a start.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Baltimore and Birmingham is in the East. Not very tame.

Grand Crapaud said...

Far more interesting than wild west shows.

Bilbo said...

If Cowgirl Melinda ever makes it to DC, have her call me ... I can point her to about 435 horse's asses that need wrangling. Have her bring the BIG whip.

The Bastard King of England said...

Not a cute ass among the 435.

Grenouille Fille said...

I have never heard of a tame Eastern show. But it has possibilities.