Thursday, August 23, 2012

Swimsuit Malfunctions and Other Calamities

Do not take counsel from your fears.

            -- Gen. Thomas J. (Stonewall) Jackson, CSA

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single girl wearing a string bikini must, on some occasion, lose her top; but hopefully, not her bottom, while swimming or pursuing other activities.  This is a mundane fact of life: an event may occur on occasion during a summer.  Unfortunately, the emotional response to it is embarassment and even deep shame.  Shame is not rational; it does not take excuses.

My Mama once counseled me after I had an episode of this type.  In the future, be matter of fact if some guys happen to see your ta-tas*, rather than hysterical!  Just demurely cover yourself, retrieve your missing top, and put things right with as little or no ado as possible.  In other words, act like this is a normal, everyday occurrence.  In a real way, she was stating a implicit psychology: people are programmed to read your reactions as cues for how they should act.  In other words, they will see this as one more semiinteresting event on the beach, but not one to revisit later on to get you in a tizzy.

She had a further bit of advice:  Bring last year's swimsuit along in your beach bag so that you can immediately provide a replacement, should it be needed.  Or a t-shirt made of thick material that could serve as a cover-up in lieu of the top.  In fact, this was a good partial solution to the wearing a wet swimsuit top when you're no longer in the water!  It's a much nicer way to go anywhere off the beach after a swim!

Actually, I think this example could serve as a model of how to handle those small, everyday examples of awkwardness or embarassments.  If you spill your coffee at a café, simply wipe it up, and act like nothing at all happened.  If you stutter or lisp or make a Spoonerism, just act matter of fact.  Chances are, most people will not notice.**

We are not totally the slaves to our emotions. They can be influenced by our actions and thoughts.  And, finally, you can have some impact on the conditions around yourself.

*Strangely enough, this is both a Cajun word and the one used in slang.

**This principle does not apply if you are running for public office.  Every misstep will be re-reported ad naseam.  In the public sector, there is no grace given to those who err.


16 comments:

Big Sky Heidi said...

I wouldn't mind a cultural shift that would allow women to go topfree if they chose.

Anonymous said...

Losing a bikini top is GOD's jusgment for dressing suggestively. You should not make light of it.

Bilbo said...

A gentleman should always offer to help the unlucky victim of a swimwear malfunction.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Nice guys might offer to help, but avert their eyes unless invited.

What planet did Anonymous come from?

Big Sky Heidi said...

I wonder what Stonewall Jackson wouild have thought of girls in bikinis?

Really, showing your boobs is not a nightmare as some think it is!

Mike said...

I think the top loser should just act like that's what she had planned all along and go with the flow and enjoy the breeze.

Anonymous said...

It's in guys' best interests not to make girls whom this happens to feel uncomfortable. The last thing we want is to discourage bikini-wearing.

Svejk said...

The girl in the picture has a cute butt!

Grand Crapaud said...

Actually, Mama gave good advice. By acting calm, you manage to calm yourself somewhat. Kind people would not make a big thing over this, and upset the person with the accident.

John said...

Ah, Mama's words of wisdom!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

This is something I'll never have to worry about..cos in my case I don't want other beach goers poking their eyes out with rusty melon ballers!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Somehow, I don't think God's judgment extends to bikinis.

bakku-shan said...

I wonder how I would react if this unfortunate thing happened to me. I'd probably have major hysterics!

Clarissa said...

It can spoil a day at the beach. Nothing to take lightly.

Meredith said...

Last time I went wore a bikini swimming it came undone. "Mama, your titties are out!" Honestly, I wonder about my daughter's school in Geneseo.

Anonymous said...

It's strange to begin a post on losing your bikini with a quote from Stonewall Jackson.