Lord Ko-Ko Has a Politically Correct Little List

Ko-ko, the Lord High Executioner in The Mikado, had a little song: "I've Got a Little List." I've given it a politically correct updating. Unfortunately, Ko-ko was moved laterally to the position of Lord High Scold, with the same salary and perks.  Ko-ko said, "Having a government job is nice."  He had to change his song to accomodate his governmental bosses.  Being a governmental functionary sometimes requires sacrifices. As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list — I've got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed — who never would be missed! There's the pestilential nuisances who sell fileed chickens — All people who eat paté and who don't quickly sicken — All children who read The Hunger Games, and stun you really flat — Wishing that they were illiterate, and other things like that — And all Kardashians who are spoiling cable tee vee — They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

Chorus:

He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed. There's the MSNBC morning commentator, and the others of his stripe, And the Fox News People — I've got them on the list! And the people who drink big gulps and fart in your face, They never would be missed — they never would be missed! Then the idiot who praises, and enthusiastic sings, Not of maternal breast feeding, but only Hooters' wings; And the right wing money man, who sometimes dresses like a guy, And who "doesn't approve of politics, but would rather like to try"; And that singular anomaly, the sci-fi novelist — I don't think he'd be missed — I'm sure he'd not he missed! Chorus. He's got him on the list — he's got him on the list; And I don't think he'll be missed — I'm sure he'll not be missed! And that damned nuisance, who just now is rather rife, The right-wing commentator — I've got him on the list! All late night funny fellows, and clowns of private life — They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed. And apologetic corporate flacks of a weasel wording kind, Such as — promotes good digestion and bowel regularity -- oh, never mind, And the NRA and the Tea Party and other groups I'd rather leave to you. But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list, For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed! Chorus. You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!