Friday, August 17, 2012

A Thoroughly Modern Soccer Mom

The image of the soccer mom typically entails a thirtyish, slightly overweight maternal figure who is overstressed with child care, work, and family issues, and seems to be constantly in the process of conveying her brood from one extracurricular activity to another.  When this is coupled with a full-time or even a part-time job or career, this makes for a busy day, indeed!

When you consider that she is also supposed to go to the gym for exercise classes, the time load on her is intolerable.  Married soccer moms may enlist their spouses to do some ferrying and coaching (some actually follow through), but single soccer moms have to do it all.  In effect, they are painted into a corner of daily demands and have no time for possible social life with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex, if that's how she leans).  Therefore, by default, she collapses in front of the television for Leno and chocolate.

How can such moms serve the needs of their children, get sufficient exercise, and still meet guys?  This was a problem that the soccer moms discussed during one of those slow times in a soccer game in which their children were playing.  Or bench-warming.  How could they liven things up in staid North Carolina?  They wanted to have a little fun, and not just chauffeur their kids.

And, they had to admit, watching soccer is dull!  Even some of the parents easily found excuses not to come to the games.  Bad mommies and daddies!  They're just not up for P.T.A. or church choir membership.

Finally, one of the ladies had an idea: why don't they establish a bikini soccer mom club, one in which the members were active coaches of the great game!  They would serve as admirable, active role models for little Madison and Little Billy, get to be more active, and be noticed by guys who happened to see what was going on.  And who knows, maybe this would increase the attendance at practices and matches.

As little Joey said to her bikini soccer mom coach, "You're the bestest mommy in the world, mommy coach!"

9 comments:

John said...

That is definitely different from the soccer moms that I know.

Atomic Dog said...

I think that I might start following soccer if there were those kinds of soccer moms!

Big Sky Heidi said...

I would like that!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to play more than soccer with her!

The Bastard King of England said...

Ladies in bikinis getting physical is good enoughg for me.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I like THAT kind of soccer!

Bilbo said...

Not to rain on everyone's parade, but I don't recall ever seeing any soccer coaches that looked like that. Although if I had, I might have kept up with the game after leaving high school.

Mike said...

I'm afraid the bikini soccer mom club is just a dream. Maybe someday....

Grand Crapaud said...

Thanks for the fantastic fantasy, Angel.