In doing the local Morning Show, the producers thought that they found a topic that would draw surely big ratings for their program; and just in time for sweeps week!
Recently the results of an extensive 15-year study led by professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, affiliated with the University of Besançon in eastern France, made the news in that it apparently contradicted the usual beliefs about bras and back pain as being way off the mark: "bras are a false necessity.”
Missy, ever with her eyes on ratings and the possibility of moving up to a larger television market such as Atlanta or Dallas, enthusiastically went along with the topic. Besides, she needed the money. She quickly got the usual suspects of interesting people and idlers to serve on the panel, knowing that the admixture would give the interactions amount panelists some fireworks that would make for nice sound bits for promos: Al Gautreaux, her fellow newscaster, the Prophetess Madeline, Hilda Walspurgis, leader of Methodists for Purity Resurgence, the Lewd Dude, and Suzette, the Existential Stripper.
Missy started off with a quote by Professor Rouillin: "Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra.” Some members of the panel appared shocked, or at least feigned being so. "However, this respected French scientist used a slide rule and caliper, and carefully measured the orientation of breasts belonging to hundreds of women aged between 18 and 35 in his local area. Those who did not wear a bra actually experienced a 7 mm. lift in their nipples in relation to their shoulders."
Al opened with "I wonders if Professor Jean-Denis was incredibly handsome, to be able to easily gain so many volunteers, or did he give his subjects a little thrill to put them in the mood!" Missy made a moué, but was secretly glad that Good Old Al came across with the hoped-for sound bite.
Immediately, the dam of discussion broke into several speaking at once:
Suzette, the ecdysiast, commented that her filles did not sag because of her chest exercises and the fact that she never wore a bra. She offered a closer proof, but Missy indicated that it was not a good idea, given the F.C.C.
Madeline, the Prophetess, observed that "there was no direct Biblical passage instructing women to wear bras; but that she always wore one when attending church and because she found some cute ones without underwiring that gave her confidence." In making her comments, she opened that possibility that she sometimes went sans a bra, but admitted that she was un peu shy.
Hilda opined that those women who did not wear bras were nothing more than tramps, and that proper-thinking women should not follow the lead of strippers or untrustworthy French researchers. Suzette jumped up, ran over, and gave Hilda's hair a yank, but was quickly restrained by the cameraman. Even the ordinarily serene Prophetess assumed an angry look! It was beginning to get a little Jerry Springerish.
The Lewd Dude, who was placed on the panel to increase the possibility of the discussion being heated and big in sweeps week, made an intelligent contribution: "Wouldn't the size of a woman's breast make it important for some to wear bras? After all, D- and DD-cup ta-tas have some weight to support." Missy made a face at the slang expression.
Al Gautreaux wondered, "Would time of the year be a factor?" This totally confused poor Madeline until she remembered the effects of an unfortunate and atypical cold snap resulted in too much being revealed.
Hilda promised that he organization would have large numbers of buttons stamped, "Proud to wear a bra." The Lewd Dude asked in reply, "Could cross-dressers wear them too?" Hilda, totally missing the irony, said "Yes."
Father Devereaux, back at St. Cletus's Church, cringed to see two members of his congregation engaged in this unseemly topic on local television. Local television could descend into tackiness, sometimes.
The usually tame Morning Show drew numerous e-mails and telephone calls, mostly favorable regarding the topic and the participants. An excerpt of it even got reported in one on the East Coast newspapers, albeit with a snide, superior tone adopted when they reported on the foibles of Louisiana. Yeah, like Today or The View had a lot of real content!
3755 - Friday jokes
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