Sunday, August 11, 2013

Where Muffin Tops Are Acceptable for Cheerleaders

As a consequence of geographical shifts of the population, large numbers of persons have move South or to California.  As a result, the mild to hot temperatures coupled with more relaxed dress standards have opened the possibility of a new fashion look: the baring of midriffs.  Even if the wearer elects not to wear swimwear-like garb, there's more exposure that might be possible.

And, especially after a winter of being indoors and unexercised, there's the dreaded muffin top!

Now it is an undisputed fact that many girls aspire to be cheerleaders or majorettes for their high schools or universities.  But in order to do this, they have to fight the Battle of the Bulge without the assistance of the 82nd Airborne!

So what is the fashion-conscious, cheerleader-aspirant zaftig girl to do?  To re-paraphrase Horace Greeley, "Go North, young woman.  And let it out with pride!"

Well, maybe Horace didn't quite put it that way.  The very thought of cheerleaders would have stripped his gears.  Nevertheless, that's good advice.  Take a cue from universities that cannot seem to pull off a successful football season, drop down to a more easily dominated conference.  [Indeed, the only reason why many D-2 institutions aspire to D-1 sports anyway is for the money.  There's no way in holy hell that UL - Lafayette is going to compete with LSU!]

And that means go to a college or university in the Midwest or North.   There, the cheereader outfits are less revealing; and the local males prefer well-nourished madamoiselles, anyway.  Who knows, being 20 pounds overweight might not harm your chances in being a cheerleader or majorette at some institution in Michigan or Ohio!*


*For God's sake, I'm not being serious.  You Wolverines or Buckeyes, relax and have an extra piece of pie.  Two for you, Dr. Gee of OSU!

9 comments:

John Hill said...

This made me smile.

I would love to hear your story over a cup of coffee (a chicory blend, perhaps) or an adult beverage, Angel.

Anemone said...

There's a lot more emphasis on looking trim, even thin, on the Left Coast here.

It's a real drill to be a cheerleader; being a surfer babe was easier!

Mike said...

Northern guys can work on those muffin tops with lip-o suction.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

They like them full-figured in Michigan. And even more so in Cleveland.

Dr. E. Gordon Gee had some disparaging things to say about Catholics, the SEC, Louisville, and even a group of nuns.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Whatever the institution level, it is a massive amount of work to make a cheerleading squad, especially those that specialize in gymnastic routines.

I enjoyed my days at it though.

Banana Oil said...

Cheerleadersin SD include some porkers.

Hell Hound said...

It looks like about time for football again. Go Dawgs!

How about tnem Dawgs?

Bilbo said...

Many young women nowadays try to be unhealthily thin. My rule of thumb has always been this: when you dance with a woman, it should feel as if you're holding a pillow full of warm milk rather than a paper bag full of coat hangers.

Grand Crapaud said...

I agree with Bilbo.