Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Where the Baseball Rules of Intimacy Came From

Do you ever wonder where those baseball dating intimacy rules came from?  You know, no deep kissing on the first date, no access to second base before the fifth one, etc.?  These are the rules of engagement that the genteel crowd are expacted to play by.  If you transgress, you are to be tarnished with the label of "slut" or "dangerous baaaad guy."  Shame on you!

Of course you do; but you want to appear high-minded and above such thoughts to the world, don't you?  I thought so.  You're not that devious.

A conventional Google search offers no satisfaction.  [Was that what the Rolling Stones were singing about?  Or was it the frustrations from their Sharona?]  No, you got to be crafty in your search.  In the true spirit of the times, you must channel the backdoor search engine technique.

It turns out that the basis of the rules, now interpreted very loosely, were drawn up at a gathering of the New England Sorority Pledge Trainers for Purity and Social Improvement (NESPTFPSI) back in 1955.  Since people were less often reading newspapers, and this was in the pre-CNN Eocene, this meeting was under-reported.

Actually, the ladies (Don't call them girls; they would open a serious can of W.A. on you even now!) saw this as a logical step in streamlining the courtship ritual.  The idea was, to speed the process of getting those errant boys and girls married as early as possible so that they would have a head start in reconstructing the boy-man that they would eventually marry before he got too set in his bad habits.  Furthermore, these rules of intimacy were to continue after marriage, but with some flourishes that were not found beforehand.  [These backdoor internet sources alluded to the rule that husbands could finally see their wives naked on their tenth anniversary; a rule that was passed despite strenuous opposition from the Connecticut delegates.]

The NESPTFPSI even adopted the simple first base, second base, third base, home plate analogy that is still current today.  It turns out that they had their meeting in a hotel that was also used by a visiting major league baseball team.  Since they happened to meet for drinks in the lounge, the severe ladies drew upon a metaphor of baseball, a game that had been played and followed by troglodytes in the large cities that they were familiar with. 

So remember, no second base before the fifth date!  And remember also to support breast cancer research to save second base!

Finally, unless you're a European princess, keep second base covered!









14 comments:

Kristen Lavransdrittsekkdatter said...

I've never understood which base is which, in that context. Maybe I should watch a Twins game sometime,

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

We don't practice those Victorian rules in North Alabama any more.

Anemone said...

The second date for second base is a good rule. The inhibited can be given a walk.

/Padres fan.

Grand Crapaud said...

Are they that formalized?

Mike said...

Those rules seem a little antiquated for 1955. Are you sure that wasn't 1855?

Big Sky Heidi said...

There really aren't any hard-and-fast rules. Just go with the flow, based on feeling.

Nothing wrong with this.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's humor, not serious!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I was being ironical here. Maybe it did sound a little weird or even stuffy in parts.

Bilbo said...

Thank you for getting back to ... basics.

The Bastard King of England said...

Okay, when is it okay to get to third base?

Meredith said...

The only rule I'm familiar with is not to go to bed with him the first time we go out. But it's been a while and I'm not currently dating yet after the divorce.

Hell Hound said...

IMO, the only rule should be is how comfortable she is with the possible intimacy. If she feels secure and willing, then he and she should go!

Deena said...

You know, these are rules that we can fall back on when we're uncertain, that's all.

Randomly Rachel said...

Generally, you can signal to guys when it's okay to go to second base by not wearing a bra......