Saturday, January 21, 2012

The Stolen Hipness Act

It's a recurrent phenomenon: it seems that more people claim to have been in attendance at some significant really, really cool cultural event than possibly could have been there.  I suppose the prototypical example is that of the number of persons who claim to be at Woodstock: certainly several times more than 400,000 claim to have been there.  Some might have, theoretically, in the form of sperm or ova as yet to make their acquaintance.

Well, Senator Fooze is not happy with this phenomenon, and he is taking stern action to make it stop, yessiree!  Like no bull, here!  The Senator had a cow on this stolen hipness phenomenon up to here, and drafted legislation to correct this growing cultural problem!

Accordingly, if his legislation is passed, it would be unlawful to claim that one had been present at some seminal cultural, historical event unless they could produce bona fide proof of their attendance, or to claim their early adoption of some cool trend unless they can prove without a doubt that they were in the vanguard.

As Senator Fooze observed, "This legislation is intended to restore America to its level of hipness lost since the glorious days of the hair bands in the 1980's.  Think of it as the All Non-Hip Adults Left Behind Act!"

A part of the act would include a National Registry of Cool Events, People, or Sites.  Now let the partisan politics begin!  And they won't be genteel.  Will Twisted Sister make the list?  How about Enya?  Does attending Burning Man constitute hipness, or is a parvenu activity like Mooning Amtrak?  Never fewar: Congress will spell it out.


Anonymous said...

.presumably from the Stolen Valor Act?

Bilbo said...

Well, at least Congress will be doing SOMETHING.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Getting Congress to rescue hipness is like expecting good barbecue out of Connecticut.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Elvis, that will be the day.

Bilbo, that's all Congress is good for.