Hipsterdom Comes to Louisiana

With the increased awareness of hipsters and the hipster lifestyle, it soon became likely that some 20's or 30's in unlikely places as the Deep South would flirt with the hipster ethos. Yes, Southerners are known for irony; almost like a reflex. After all, a culture in which women say "Bless his heart" has some capacity for putting on others!

And already post-Katrina New Orleans has made the list of hipster-friendly places, along with Williamsburg in NYC, Cambridge, Portland, Austin, San Francisco, and Seattle. Therefore, it should not be surprising that proto-hipster beliefs and folkways should spill over into Bayou Country. For example, shopping locally and being a locovore:

And adopting hipster music trends, but with the addition of Lynyrd Skynyrd. Carrie Underwood, and Taylor Swift. And you pretend to do so for ironic reasons. Actually, doing that is the supreme exercise in irony, much like watching porn without lust. Jazz, of course, has always been cool. And zydeco is beyond cool.

Urban guy hipsters can follow the lead of the Robertson family of Duck Commando fame and grow full beards. They have released the inner back country essence in many an urban hipster. Even better if the beard is wild and unruly, testifying to the essential untamedness of the wearer. Some women with androgynous syndrome have even taken up this look!

Hipster fashion statements are easy to adapt to a Southern climate. Worn jeans and Daisy Dukes definitely can be seen as the wearer making an ironic statement. Likewise, wearing a scarf or a shocking t-shirt or a guy's long-sleeve shirt will do for a top. However, flannel shirts can be impractical much of the year due to the climate. Bras are, of course, optional. However, if you do wear one, wear one in a color that shows through clothing. Also, some clothing lines already advertise hipster btiefs for these extreme Southern hipsters:

Well, maybe that was a different use of the word hipster.!

But where are these non-urban hipster places? Well, Lafayette and Opelousas can make a good case for cool. And Baton Rouge still manages despite being a source of hot wind. 

Naturally, certain kinds of grooming are no-nos for hipsters. Big hair will cause you to be scorned. It's better to leave your hair straight and somewhat messy, like you just got out of bed and are not too keen with the idea of being awake. Make-up: act like you don't give a damn. Perfume: something from Bath and Body Works, but nothing that may mark you as a hip call girl like some of those French brands. Tattoos can be part of your ensemble, if you are into ink. An obvious point: a nice L.S.U. Tigers tattoo will not be wrong, especially in biker bars.  

Cool tastes are part of the ensemble of Louisiana hipsters. Greek philosophers are cool. Thomas Hobbes or William James are risky. Tom Aquinas is woefully uncool, but William of Ockham is okay. If you can pass off understanding them, Wittgenstein or Nietzsche are gods! (But shy off if Wittgenstein brandishes his poker!)  Modern art of the sort produced by Rothko or Johns marks you as discerning; but some remarkable genre like gay cowboy art* means that you are totally au courant! Photographs should be arty but not of Arty. 

Diet: Louisiana hipsters eat only gluten-free crawfish. And they NEVER call them "cray-fish." Or mudbugs!  Those that do are required to become Catholic so that they can confess this sin to an unsympathetic priest. And the solid hipster always tears his French bread and never slices it. Jambalaya or gumbo for hipsters must have shrimp or andouille. 

Here's an obvious point: never, ever refer to yourself as a hipster. Doing so will cause you to be exposed as a poseur!

*There is such a genre.

Rifle Chic

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

This Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States has been lately an active topic of discussion by thinking Americans and otherwise. We Americans do collectively bear arms a lot; but some of us more so than others. [A disclosure FWIW: I don't have any. I'll let the well-regulated militia do it for me.]

However, it is undeniable that so often gun-toting fellow Americans accompany their right to bear arms while offering deplorable fashion statements. Let's face it: no one looks cool while wearing non-military camouflage or orange. Orange is decidedly NOT the new black; so don't look for that Little Orange Dress for those formal occasions.

However, Belinda Cameron, New York fashion designer, was searching the mean streets of Nashville when she saw a young fashionista wearing black but with the accompaniment of a large accessory:

Her name was Lila. Well, Belinda was discerning enough to overlook her visible bra straps and see that this young fashion-conscious lady was being a possible harbinger of a new style in fashion: Rifle Chic! So she obtained Lila's mobile number, and hurried back to her design board and sketched out a few possible designs. She thought out loud: "Dark tube tops with patriotic motifs . . . . hip-hugging jeans . . . . appliqué navel jewel . . . . assault rifle or perhaps AK-47 . . . . purse with silver studs . . . . Or maybe a red miniskirt, a holster with a .22 caliber pistol . . . . A farm girl look with accessory .22 rifle . . . .Maybe with a matching rhinestone denim jacket . . . . I am so on a roll!"

Her minions gathered around the board and were astounded by Belinda Cameron's latest coup! This was a new launchable fashion trend that would be quickly adopted in flyover country as well!

Belinda contacted Lila, who was persuaded to learn the craft of being a model; no, a supermodel! Well, she had to manage 5-inch heels, learn to like a strapless bra, and refrain from barbecue, onion rings, and barbecue. Yes, Lila liked to flaunt her navel despite having a muffin top!

There was a fly in the ointment: New York City was one of those places that didn't allow for open carrying of firearms, so she had to make do with dummy rifles during New York Fashion Week. Still, the hip crowd did recognize this fashion statement for what it was. It was the new sensation of the season; and In Style, Elle, and Vogue featured Lila and other Cameron models on the cover wearing the new look.

It made an exceptional hit in other fashion-conscious places: Boston, Indianapolis, Dallas, Little Rock, Los Angeles, and East St. Louis. 

Surprisingly, the N.R.A. and the routine gun nuts, now renamed gun aficionados, were unhappy. They did not like the prissy and self-congratulatory Noo Yawk fashion crowd moving into their territory. And, somehow, your rifle looks quite a bit less badass if models also accessorize with one!

Still, Belinda and Lila was on a roll: What next, the sacred swimsuit issue? Wait for after the Super Bowl to see!

Tchoupitoulas Street

One of the more curious names of New Orleans streets is Tchoupitoulas Street, located in the Central Business District. It was named after a Native American tribe, and it is hard to pronounce.

It was back in the horse and buggy days, and one of New Orleans' finest was walking his beat in the Business Section (the old American section) when he saw a dead horse curbside on Tchoupitoulas Street. Immediately he pulled out his notepad and tried to write that fact on it. Unfortunately, the task was hard because some kids stole the nearby street signs.

He started: 'C-H-A-P-A-T-W-O'....but sensed that it was wrong. 

So he tried again: 'C-H-O-P-I-T-O-O-L-I-T-Z.' But that didn't look right, either.

So, one more time: "C-H-A-P-I-T-O-O-L-E-T'S.' But that didn't look right also.

Finally, he just thought, "To hell with it." And dragged the dead horse up a block to Camp Street.

[Tchoupitoulas is pronounced roughly "Chop-a-too-lus."]

An old street sign:

A newer version:

Some Jokes

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied with this number, he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:

"It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."
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It was near the end of the school year. The teacher turned in the grades and there was really nothing more to do. All the children were restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."

Little Johnny said to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny was mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny got even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny was boiling mad that he has not been first to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turned her back Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turned around angrily: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

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A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She was taken into an examining room and waited for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examined the baby, and found him not gaining much weight and so he asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," ordered the doctor.

She took off her top and bra and sat on the examining  table. The doc started pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.

The doc motioned to her to get dressed, then the doctor said: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"

The woman with a wry grin on her face responded: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"

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The Shelf Life of Slang

Pardon me, folks, for bringing up a delicate matter of sorts: slang. Obviously, new slang expressions get added to the common lexicon. Some continue to have currency, while others drop off soonish. Will selfie be cut from the slang roster soon; or will our great-grandchildren continue to take selfies? Likewise, gnarly and cool seem to have legs; but lounge lizard, and ring-a-ding either mark the user as hopelessly outdated or suggest the user is superannuated. Slanguage usage is further complicated by the fact that some old slang is revived, like a cardiac arrest patient responding to CPR. (We could call that retro slang.)  However, the main problem is that some passé terms just don't go away easily, much like a case of bronchitis in February!

Anyway, here's some examples of popular slang expressions dating from various decades of the last century: 1920's 1930's 1940's 1950's 1960's 1970's 1980's 1990's 
Here's an extended list of 1970's slang. Wikipedia gives a nice set of examples from the 2000's. Looking over these lists, it seems that those from the more distant times are less likely to be heard, much less used. Obviously, the slang of any decade is likely to be more plentiful than these. Obviously, some terms last longer than others, but that's why I'm writing on this topic.

However, some people continue to use slang from the era that they grew up in, plus that of their parents. This can result in their being embarrassed and possibly shamed by their outré language! Besides, a people is known by the quality of the language they use. This is why the French Academy is so fussy about French slang. [Mais non! Pas le drugstore!] Maybe this calls for the President to develop a cabinet-level position to screen, advise, and lower the boom on outdated slang. Otherwise, we might still have clueless people continuing to use expressions as "dollymop," "gag me with a spoon," "bitchin," and "chick." The head of this post can be easily referred to in the media as the "Slang Czar."

But who should be this Slang Czar? A President of a name-brand university, someone who aspires to be an ambassador, Joe Biden? Or maybe the guy that compiles the Banned Words List from Lake Superior State University. Any way, this wowser would make you peeps get with the program, or the Slang Czar will raise more do-do than King Kong with the runs!

Boston Pills

Madame Hébert was totally beyond herself. She was proud of her new white board fence, thinking it would complement her well-manicured garden and lawn; but some sign painter painted an advertisement on it. He didn't pin a handbill; no, he wrote in 6 inch tall green letters, one to a board, the sign 'B O S T O N   P I L L S.' Some less genteel but more direct people would say that she was pissed!

What was worse is that Boston Pills were a locally sold brand of laxative. 

She was so put out that she told the Prophetess Madeline and Crazy Chester about it. As members of the community, they offered to help.

Crazy Chester went, "Well, I can get a gallon of flat white paint and cover those letters. No problem; can do it in a jif!"

But Madeline had a different idea: just re-arrange the 1 X 6 boards. And all agreed on this unorthodox plan. So she and Chester took turns with a claw hammer and pried off the boards with the letters on them. First the 'P'; they put that where the 'B' had gone. They removed the second 'O' and substituted a blank board for it, and so on.

The end product: The fence read 'P O S T   N O   B I L L S.'  The green letters no longer advertised a laxative.  And as a bonus, no handbills!

Tacky Entertainments Like Bear Wrestling

The recent fights and shootings in Waco, Texas took place largely in an establishment entitled Twin Peaks, which seem to be named after the Grand Tetons not found in Wyoming and having nothing to do with David Lynch. It struck me that tackiness, while in the eyes of the beholder, does have its drawing power.

I have commented on Renaissance Faires which provide opportunities for cosplay for older adults, excuses to eat junk food, and hang around parks outlandishly dressed without being seen as creepy. Knights, mixed with fortune tellers, belly dancers, and wizard wannabees make the scene, and the local power structure looks on this benignly even though historians might see it as a mish-mash. 

But county and regional fairs in the fall provide some other opportunities: strip shows, the remnants of vaudeville, dog-and-pony shows (not the one on Capitol Hill in Washington), and even questionable entertainments like tobacco spitting and bear wrestling.

Yes, bear wrestling. This is when a member of the audience climbs into the ring and attempts to wrestle a bear!  Some viewers encourage one of their number to wrestle the black bear, a youngish one that might weigh in at 400 pounds and be muzzled, of course! Sometimes a lucky participant knocks the bear down but pinning one, never!

Apparently the times and mores have changed; and these forms of entertainment have fallen from favor, possibly due to more sensitivity regarding animal cruelty and the rise of certain other forms of tacky entertainment more in tune with today's modern tastes. Boxing has been eclipsed, thank goodness! And so is midget bowling. (No kidding: this had been done!)

So maybe the tastes and energies of yobs have been channeled into frequenting restaurants and sports bars staffed by well-endowed waitstaff, serving pedestrian beer, and providing mediocre food. Don't look for foodies and gourmets there, except if they're slumming.

Therefore, I think that this provides further proof for the Law of Conservation of Tackiness: "There is a constant amount of tackiness in the world. Tackiness cannot be either created or destroyed; but it can only occur in a different form."

This seems to be related to the Second Law of Thermodynamics.

Anyway, Louisiana law prohibits the wrestling of bears:

Louisiana Revised Statute Title 14 Section 102.10 states that:

A.  Any person who intentionally commits any of the following shall be guilty of bear wrestling:

(1)  Promotes, engages in, or is employed by anyone who conducts a bear wrestling match.

(2)  Receives money for the admission of another person to a place kept for bear wrestling matches.

(3)  Sells, purchases, possesses, or trains a bear for a bear wrestling match.

B.  For the purposes of this Section, a “bear wrestling match” means a match or contest between one or more persons and a bear for the purpose of fighting or engaging in a physical altercation.

C.  Whoever commits the crime of bear wrestling shall be fined not more than five hundred dollars or imprisoned for not more than six months, or both.*