Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Rifle Chic

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

This Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States has been lately an active topic of discussion by thinking Americans and otherwise. We Americans do collectively bear arms a lot; but some of us more so than others. [A disclosure FWIW: I don't have any. I'll let the well-regulated militia do it for me.]

However, it is undeniable that so often gun-toting fellow Americans accompany their right to bear arms while offering deplorable fashion statements. Let's face it: no one looks cool while wearing non-military camouflage or orange. Orange is decidedly NOT the new black; so don't look for that Little Orange Dress for those formal occasions.

However, Belinda Cameron, New York fashion designer, was searching the mean streets of Nashville when she saw a young fashionista wearing black but with the accompaniment of a large accessory:

Her name was Lila. Well, Belinda was discerning enough to overlook her visible bra straps and see that this young fashion-conscious lady was being a possible harbinger of a new style in fashion: Rifle Chic! So she obtained Lila's mobile number, and hurried back to her design board and sketched out a few possible designs. She thought out loud: "Dark tube tops with patriotic motifs . . . . hip-hugging jeans . . . . appliqué navel jewel . . . . assault rifle or perhaps AK-47 . . . . purse with silver studs . . . . Or maybe a red miniskirt, a holster with a .22 caliber pistol . . . . A farm girl look with accessory .22 rifle . . . .Maybe with a matching rhinestone denim jacket . . . . I am so on a roll!"

Her minions gathered around the board and were astounded by Belinda Cameron's latest coup! This was a new launchable fashion trend that would be quickly adopted in flyover country as well!

Belinda contacted Lila, who was persuaded to learn the craft of being a model; no, a supermodel! Well, she had to manage 5-inch heels, learn to like a strapless bra, and refrain from barbecue, onion rings, and barbecue. Yes, Lila liked to flaunt her navel despite having a muffin top!

There was a fly in the ointment: New York City was one of those places that didn't allow for open carrying of firearms, so she had to make do with dummy rifles during New York Fashion Week. Still, the hip crowd did recognize this fashion statement for what it was. It was the new sensation of the season; and In Style, Elle, and Vogue featured Lila and other Cameron models on the cover wearing the new look.

It made an exceptional hit in other fashion-conscious places: Boston, Indianapolis, Dallas, Little Rock, Los Angeles, and East St. Louis. 

Surprisingly, the N.R.A. and the routine gun nuts, now renamed gun aficionados, were unhappy. They did not like the prissy and self-congratulatory Noo Yawk fashion crowd moving into their territory. And, somehow, your rifle looks quite a bit less badass if models also accessorize with one!

Still, Belinda and Lila was on a roll: What next, the sacred swimsuit issue? Wait for after the Super Bowl to see!


Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

Women who carry guns in public are generally slobs without fashion sense.

John Hill said...

If you are a fashion wreck but carrying a large gun, who is going to say anything?

Mike said...

Maybe the dummy rifles with the orange plug on the end could be accessorised a little more with a 6" orange male anatomy item sticking out the barrel. After all, that's what they're a substitute for anyway.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Mike has a point. Still, the rifle hides her nice ass.

TexWisGirl said...

the photo actually made me think of being on the beach in acapulco. the military with their assault rifles and all just strolling among the vacationers.

allenwoodhaven said...

I hadn't thought of the juxtaposition between fashion and firearms. I know a little about concealed carry though and can see the potential controversial profit. Belinda and Lila were in the right place at the right time to cash in on the ground floor of the business! I'm surprised that the NRA wouldn't welcome the attention. But then again, it's something they don't control. Zealots of any type don't give up control. Interesting post.

Linda Kay said...

Well, in Texas fire arms out in the open are allowed for licensed gun owners. Hmmmmmm. Goin back to cowboy times with fights in the frat houses instead of the saloons?

Cloudia said...

Happiness is a warm gun

( '>

ALOHA from Honolulu,

Cherdo said...

I'm not "anti-gun" but carrying it as a fashion statement (ha ha)...that might be a little weird.

Bilbo said...

At the risk of being accused of shameless self-promotion (who, me?), I ran this post back in March in honor of the lady who shot herself by trying to draw a gun hidden in a bra holster: I still prefer bare arms on ladies rather than ladies bearing arms.