Tuesday, March 17, 2015

News From Beat Five

It's about time to take a look into the doings of backwoods Pearl River County, namely the Beat Five. Things have been a little tame lately; but there are a few little odds and ends.

Cordie May has diversified her business activities in selling pecans and arranging sin tours into another sideline: selling fishing supplies. There's crappie fishing in Homochitto River and the Pearl River. She even had a going trade in selling bait. Cordie May put up a sign in front: Cordie May Has Worms! Yes, she deliberately traded in on the double meaning behind the signs. Claims it actually helps business.

By the way, crappie is a type of fish, not a negative evaluation of the fishing there in Homochitto River.

The Sheriff's Office reports that some dumb ol' Federal Agents raided a farmer who they thought was growing a big crop of marijuana. It turns out that those marijuana plants they harvested had one inch pods on them. I guess the farmer and his kin will not be able to make gumbo! Okra may look like pot and some people think of it as a weed, but you can't smoke it.

The holy rollers turned thumbs down on Brother Bill's suggestion to include snakes in their worship service. As Sister Emily put it, "The only snakes we want to see are when we drink homemade likker!

The bridge over Buzzard Creek is not really out. The sign was just put up to discourage revenuers from going into the back area. Revenuers are so credulous!

Squatters have taken to living in the large number of FEMA trailers parked in that lot on MS 43 N toward Columbia. If their numbers get large enough, they may incorporate and petition to move the county seat there.

On Halloween 28 privies were tipped over by pranksters. One minister was using it when his was tipped. Darned delinquents! 

Speaking of outhouses, some of the more effluent residents of the Beat have resorted to making theirs out of brick. This landscaping initiative originated as the result of a misunderstanding of a description of Cordie May. Here are three examples of distinctive Beat Five architecture:

Thomas Jefferson designed the original.

It helps you attain a spiritual outlook
as well as a good tan.


Bilbo said...

Cordie May and brick outhouses. It's going to be an interesting day.

Linda Kay said...

I have to say those are the most incredible outhouses I've seen. I really like the one with the church windows. Cordie May and the gang are very interesting.

TexWisGirl said...

the outhouses are too cute!

Rudolph said...

Amazing outhouses. Makes me want to use one.

Mike said...

My mother and her friends were privy tippers back in her day.

Dixie@dcrelief said...

>>"Cordie May Has Worms!"

I fell out on this one! Ha!
Geez, how funny was this post!!?!!

allenwoodhaven said...

Great to see this news. I enjoy reading your posts. I've never heard of brick outhouses but it makes sense. Is that where the expression "built like a brick s***house comes from?

Grand Crapaud said...

"Some of the more effluent residents.." apt turn of phrase.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thank you all for your encouragement, comments, and participation. You deciphered the term, allenwoodhaven!

Cloudia said...

Brick HOUSE!

Delighted you have elected to ride along in my taxi. Keep your arms INSIDE...

ALOHA from Honolulu

John Hill said...

Some out houses will not be easily tipped!