Thursday, March 5, 2015

Angel and the Beauty Pageant

I suppose the stage was set for this when I was young.  Daddy took me out to eat at our favorite hamburger joint, Bud's Broiler, where we saw one of the contestants from a children's beauty pageant, all decked out and glamorous.  I thought in my six year old way, wow!

Fast forward to when I was in college.  Like a typical 18 year-old, I joined a few clubs, but did not rush a sorority.  Things were going on well in my freshman year; and it was time for the annual beauty pageant at the University.  True to the pattern, the sponsors requested that various student organizations submit a nominee for the Miss Campus Queen Contest.*  My organization had not been planning to submit an entry; yet the president of a rival academic organization made a crack about our organization having homely girls; and not having anyone worth making an entry, as they knew they were overmatched.

The major league bitch!  My club was so totally pissed; and resolved to enter one of theirs come hell or high water.  However, some of the other girls begged out because of feminism, because of pregnancy, because of being swamped with work or studies, or because "she knew her butt was too big."  Anyway, they were pretty well scraping the bottom of the barrel, and Tee Angel was one of the remaining double-X chromosome certified possibilities, and (most importantly) I could not talk my way out of it.

I must admit that I was secretly pleased; and learned about the scope of the pageant.  Sure enough, it required some display of talent, some  adroitness at answering questions (I was definitely in favor of world peace) while wearing an evening dress, and that dreaded and most expected part: the swimsuit competition. 

Anyway, since I was nominated by an academic nerd organization, I had no one to fill me in on was to expect or how to perform, so I thought I'd wing it.  On further reflection, I asked Mama for some help as I was over my head.  She was a big help by helping me modify my old prom dress for the pageant.  Indeed, she thought it was a total hoot!

So I did a beauty pageant.  And I got a look backstage.  Most of the girls were friendly and doing it for laughs like I was, or because they were talked into it and relatively clueless!  There were, of course, a few professional pageant competers who tended to look down on the unwashed that they had to share a dressing room with.  

 For my talent I performed the dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy from The Nutcracker Suite.   I thought I did well; considering that the competition included a rope twirler, a clogger, someone who could not quite sing on key, a yo-yoer, and someone who sang "Baby One More Time," complete with sexy schoolgirl outfit!  However, I lost to another contestant who twirled the baton!  That's the kind of talent that is recognized.

I'm sorry that when it came to spontaneous answers I was not the one to get the World Peace Question.  Instead, I was asked by a sports-minded judge about what I thought of artificial turf.  I gave a flip answer on a whim thinking that my answer would be remembered for its originality:  I replied that men should go au naturel rather than wear wigs!  He then asked be what I thought of the designated hitter rule.  My response was that a girl should learn to defend herself, and not simply get brothers or boyfriends to do the heavy work!  [Maybe I would have qualified for Miss South Carolina.]  At least I didn't such hard to answer questions as "What if the sun doesn't shine tomorrow?" or "What would you do if your future husband disapproved of you having worn a bikini before he met you?"

My evening gown part of the pageant went well due to Mama having modified it well.  But then there was the dreaded swimwear competition, where we serve as eye candy, more of less, for the yahoos.  Suffice it to say that I did not employ technical enhancements, unlike some of the other participants.  And I did not inspire any "ahh" or "wow!" comments.  Instead, I strutted and fretted my overly long minute on the stage, and was seen no more.  Followed by modest applause.



I was neither the winner or one of the runners-up.  However, this saga ended on a happy note.  When I attended the next meeting of the organization, they gave me a standing ovation, and a tiara, declaring that I was their Queen.  I actually came to tears; and took it with me during my textbook salesperson days and, later, when I went to graduate school.

*There were universities that had Miss Campus Chest contests over 50 years ago.  These supported the Community Chest, but also emphasized certain prominences.
  








18 comments:

Bilbo said...

I've never laid eyes on you, but I think you should have won on the basis of the "artificial turf" answer alone!

Meredith said...

A great adventure, and some cleaver answers to tricky questions.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer said...

Why not post a swimsuit picture so we can judge for ourselves?

John Hill said...

An interesting experience.
Thanks for sharing!

Linda Kay said...

Angel, I've heard some horror stories about those pageant competitions, but I'm glad you could turn your experience into a positive adventure with a standing ovation from your peers. No better reward, right? Congratulations!

Duckbutt said...

Congratulations on your participation and great answers.

Banana Oil said...

It"s nice to try the beauty pageant experience.

The Bastard King of England said...

The whole point of beauty contests is to see how the girls look in swimsuits.

Mike said...

The designated hitter answer should have won you the contest.

TexWisGirl said...

i can't imagine...but good for you!

Deena said...

You were lucky you had a pleasant experience. Mine was yucky!

Cloudia said...

Another worth while read!

I like your answers best



ALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
=^..^=

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Love you bunches! XXXX

RJYH, I did post one so attired a while back.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A great story!

John Hill said...

No link?
I have to go through all of your posts in search of it?

John Hill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dixie@dcrelief said...

Great story and I love tiaras. I would have done it for that alone. :P

Anemone said...

Hiding the swimsuit pic in plain site, yes?