Having emerged from New Orleans and for a while being in the Great Elsewhere (everything not in Orleans, Jefferson, and St. Bernard Parishes), I have encountered a variety of Southerners of different types that deserve mention. Now the iconic ones, the Good Ole Boy, the Good Ole Girl, the Urban Black, the Blues Singer, the Redneck, the Fin de Race Aristocrat, the Southern Writer, and others. Actually, read Florence King or John Shelton Reed for a more complete sense of the major types.
But here are a few others:
The Helpful Bubba -- This is a subtype that is largely invisible and inarticulate. They occasionally be seen holding the downs markers at football games or mowing the soccer field. If you have a flat, they will stop and help. ("No problem, little lady, we'll get that old tire changed quickly; and I'll follow you to the station.") However, they are really in their glory when snow events occur; they spend the morning riding around helping people get unstuck or out of ditches. Of all the extra Southern types, these really need hugs!
The Frail Old Thing -- She looks like she's 80, at least; and get she manages to keep a spotless garden despite using a cane or walker and set out a pitcher of daiquiris for when the preacher comes to visit.
The Shag Queen -- No, this has nothing to do with sexual promiscuity or carpet fetishes; it has everything to do with her skill in doing the Shag, a dance popular on the South Carolina coast. She typically wears a Confederate flag bikini when participating in Shag contests.
The Yellow Dog Democrat -- Votes the straight Democratic ticket, without inquiring too carefully about the candidates.
The Deer Camp Commando -- Ostensibly, he spends time in season hunting deer. However, this is mostly an occasion for serious drinking without the Forces of Rectitude (the minister, the local community, the wife) censoring his actions. Look at it this way: at least he's not in Atlanta getting lap dances. He leans towards being a Republican; but would not fit in your typical country club.
The Outlet Mall Adept -- Whether Foley or Pigeon Forge or Boaz, she shops till she drops, then does a double espresso to revive herself.
The Zydeco Fan -- African-American Southerners in Louisiana have generated and maintain this magnificent music genre. I'll bet you will want to dance! They manage to go beyond the blues and enjoy. Hey, let the good times roll!
The Highland Gamer -- A Southerner of Scotch-Irish ancestry who regularly participates in highland games. Primarily in North Carolina (Grandfather Mountain), but in other places. No, they're not dressing like Catholic schoolgirls!
The Superfan -- Whether pro- or university-oriented, they wear their sports loyalties on their sleeves. Their true colors come out every Friday and Saturday in the Fall. Furthermore, there are those addicts who require their sports fix during the off-season by listening to and discussing on sports talk radio. Think of it as a kinder and gentler version of the Rush Limbaugh Show, without dittoheads. Occasionally, some will run off the rails, like the clown who poisoned the beautiful trees in Auburn.
The Snowbird -- This is a person from one of the East Coast or Midwestern states or Canada who winters in the South. They may claim residency in a Southern state for tax purposes due to their second home or return to the same RV park. They love plastic pink flamingos and tiki torches.
The Certified Eccentric -- Small Southern towns pride themselves on theirs: unconventional thinkers but especially actors. These unusual people feel a social obligation to do things that puzzle their neighbors. They provide a ready source of interest but manage to be non-threatening as well.
The Bootlegger -- This worthy chap brings liquid solace to unfortunates who live in dry counties. It is considered a social grace for residents of a dry county to introduce newcomers to the local bootlegger.
The Country Singer Wannabee -- This type of Southerner is really turned on by Country music, even to the point of dressing in Western clothes or Nudie suits (named after the legendary clothier, Nudie; these are the rhinestone and bespangled jackets or suits favored by old time country singers.)
Why I'll Never Be President
5 hours ago