Friday, February 28, 2014

Suzette Advises on the Use of Condoms

Suzette, the Existential Stripper, gives some points on why you should wear your rubbers, guys:

"Let's review: the two most often cited reasons for guys to wear their rubbers is:
a)  For prevention of sexually-transmitted diseases;
b)  For birth control.  So that you won't have any unplanned bambinos that you have to pay child support on for the next 18+ years.

But lemme tell ya one more reason that no one cites, but which you will instantly understand:

c)  No one has to sleep in the wet spot afterwards.  This will make your lady friend much happier.  Or you, if you're a nice guy and man up to take your turn.

Actually, she should have a few available in her bedroom if any opportunities for coupling happen to occur.  You guys are undependable or you don't expect to get lucky occasionally.  Guys in their 20's are not into long-range planning, and probably won't have a condom or two against the eventuality of a hook-up.

I know some of you had been Boy Scouts; but it seems that this form of preparedness was not covered in their conception of the motto: "Be Prepared."  Or is that a U.S. Marine Corps motto?

Anyway, some condoms are deliberately made for 'pleasing her,' ribbed ones, French ticklers, German ticklers.   For goodness' sake, look into these.  Some actually deliver. 

And, ladies, I have some advice for you.  Buy some rubbers beforehand if you're into clubbing and recreation afterwards -- latex works fine -- and have a few in assorted colors.  Guys like wearing colors on their thingies.   Even better: try to get rubbers in school spirit colors that they will get a rise out of wearing.  There are some purple and gold ones for the LSU fans, and those UT fans won't do with less than orange-and-white ones on their little soldiers!

Who knows, to be the last word in preparedness, consider this condom dress.  This may actually come in handy, provided to remove one from a unnoticeable place.  And, over time, you can gradually shorten the skirt and render the top into a separate garment."


TexWisGirl said...

the dress is too cute.

Bilbo said...

Despite the fact that I'm a major fan of anything sleeveless for ladies, the dress is more than a little strange. I think it might be viewed as the lady very overtly advertising her availablity.

Anemone said...

I agree with both TexWis Girl and Bilbo: it's cute, but it sends a message, whether intended or not.

Mike said...

At a dollar apiece that's an expensive dress. So if you buy it for a date I hope the guy takes you somewhere fancy.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I think that the dress is more of an expensive novelty.

Banana Oil said...

Good advice on always using condoms.