Monday, February 10, 2014

Too Many Amens

Unlike the solemnity and conviviality of most Sunday meetings at church, one in western North Carolina had an event that marred the occasion.

In turned out that two preachers, an older one and a younger one from the Sacred Ground Church With Signs Following, were sharing a convivial bottle of whiskey privately before the evening service, since one aspect of their religion was to disapprove of drinking in any form.  Still, the flesh was weak, and the whiskey was particularly blessed one night.

As a sure sign that they were looped, they started talking -- well, arguing -- about the remarkable opportunities for extramarital sexual activity their ministries allowed themselves access to.  So they made a bet, and each swore on his honor to tell the truth.  After church that Sunday evening, they were to stand in the door and shout "Amen!" when each woman they had sex with passed them on the way out.

That Sunday, each preached a short (a mere 40 minute) sermon, and the service ended after the usual suspect hymns.

As some of the women passed, the younger or the older preacher would say "Amen."  After a few passed, both said "Amen!"

The younger preacher's wife exited; and both of them exclaimed Amen!  The younger preacher got a dark expression on his face.

Just then, the older preacher's wife and daughter left.  The older preacher naturally said "Amen!"  He was, after all, married to her and was diligent in performing his husbandly duties.

The younger preacher shouted, "Amen!  Amen!"

The old preacher glared at the young one, turned bright red, and threw a punch.  The young one hit back, and the two of them went at it on the church floor in front of the entire congregation.  It was so sudden and so bad that they had to call in the sheriff's deputies to arrest them!

That evening the deacons held an emergency meeting, and they voted unanimously to withdraw fellowship from both preachers due to their setting a bad example and not following the Lord like they should.  But they never found out why the two of them started fighting!


14 comments:

Duckbutt said...

A great howl! Too funny for Monday morning!

MarkD60 said...

Sounds about right.

John Hill said...

Were this a true story, it could be certain that two men that admittedly cheat also lie. I would suspect that there would've been plenty of extra amens! (after all, they're still just men)

TexWisGirl said...

*sigh*

Banana Oil said...

I enjoyed that one!

Grand Crapaud said...

Amen!

Bilbo said...

A great story. Lemme hear you say AMEN!!

Mike said...

I'm with John. The BS was flying at the exit.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I think that both preachers were a little fast and loose with the truth, perhaps. John Hill correctly pointed out that the two often go together.

Big Sky Heidi said...

This brought a smile after a shitty day.

Chuck Bear said...

A territorial dispute, no doubt!

Anemone said...

Tee hee hee! Loved it!

Brandi said...

Boys like catfights. But everyone loves to see two preachers fighting!

Juliette said...

A great story!