Thursday, February 20, 2014

Music for Seduction

As part of light midday fare in the Crescent City, enterprising newswoman Missy Chauvin did a program on "Music to Play When she Visits Your Apartment."  This was in pursuit of that difficult to appeal to demographic: the twentyish single male.  Following her usual format, she rounded up a motely crew of participants: Al Gautreaux, her fellow newscaster, Crazy Chester, the Lewd Dude, and Suzette, the Existential Stripper.  These served as her panel of experts on music for . . . . well, you know.  She gave the program a relatively innocuous title to serve as a thinly-veiled cloak over what the subject matter really was: Music for Seduction.

Missy:  "Well, panel . . . . She's finally consented to visit you in your digs . . . . What do you play on your CD player for the occasion?"

Crazy Chester:  "Marvin Gaye is the man, my lady.  Some "Sexual Healing" or "Let's Get it On" or other songs from the heart."

Al:  "I favor instrumentals, such as "Lara's Theme: from Doctor Zhivago, "Je T'aime, Non Mon Plus," by Serge Gainsborough and Jane Birkin, or the like.  The important thing is to make your place inviting without being obvious.

The Lewd Dude:  "I say that you should get down to basics:  "Nookie," by Limp Bizkit, "Bolero," by Ravel, or "I Need Some Sugar in My Bowl," by Nina Simone.  "Bolero" sets a nice tempo if you're doing it with her.  After all, if you got her to come to your pad, then it's as good as you closing the deed!  If she's sophisticated, pour a little Pinot Noir; if she's hot to trot, Jagermeister shots are the way to go."

Missy started a frown.  Clearly, this last one was not what she expected.  She started to worry that the discussion would get out of hand and the station would receive a complaint or fine from the FCC.

Suzette:  "Voulez-vous Coucher Avec Moi Ce Soir."  Even though it's in French, it gets the message across.  And I like the Gainsborough-Birkin one too.  R Cool's "Bump N' Grind" for being in bed together,  But, in a way, I agree with the Dude.  Choose your drink selection carefully.  Her losing her cookies isn't sexy."

Al:  Really, choose relaxing music that fits her tastes.  Even some of those early 2000s pop hits such as Britney and Christina did.  Even, God forbid, big band music.  Just don't play Barry White, you know.  You don't want to appear to be trying too hard."

Missy blushed, having remembered what was on the playlist for last Saturday's visit with her boyfriend.


The Bastard King of England said...

This is girly speculation. If she consents to come over and drinks a lot, she's in the sack!

Anemone said...

Having been there, I must say that a woman appreciates when some effort is obvious. I'm afraid that King's attitude will not get him anywhere!

Mike said...

If I were at Suzette's I would want to hear the bugle call 'Revelle'. Rise and shine!

Grand Crapaud said...

Stick with the classics, like Mozart or Beethoven.

Bilbo said...

To set the mood - "Missing You" and "The Lady in Red" by Chris de Burgh and Pachelbel's Canon. For the gold, Ravel's "Bolero."