Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Establishing a State Religion and Bras

Recently the North Carolina legislature had a measure introduced that would make Christianity the official state religion.  Now I am no Constitutional scholar, so I cannot say for sure that the First Amendment applies only to the Federal government, and the states can do whatever they fancy at any given time.  (I'm opposed to the notion of an established religion, for what it's worth!)

But  it seems that an act of such a type opens a Pandora's box of problems.  Would the state wind up paying ministers' salaries?  Would church attendance become mandatory?  Could churches hold sessions on legal holidays?

And then there's the specificity of Christianity.  Would the State establish as its official theism one that presumes free will, or predestination?  And what about the role of the Virgin Mary?  Or how about the saints?  Would the state necessarily forbid the Carolina Panthers from playing the New Orleans Saints?  And would the legislature delve into the Filioque issue (don't even think of going there!)  Then there's the Rapture!  Now, that has nothing to do with great sex (unfortunately), but rather the exotic belief that the righteous will be transported upward into Heaven before the unspecified poop hits the fan on Earth, resulting in the Tribulation.  But will the lucky ones be raptured clothed or naked?

Making an Christianity an official state religion would even affect choices of bras available.  Let me explain by dragging up an old joke:

Religious Bras

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy 's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk

"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"

"Look around" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."
Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:

"There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple. . .

The Catholic type supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and

The Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

[Unfortunately, this joke seems not have been expanded to lampoon other brands of Christianity.  Maybe readers can think of a few, maybe for Methodists, Mormons, or Holy Rollers.]

If the North Carolina law were to be re-introduced and pass constitutionality (unlikely), would that limit the varieties that could be sold?  Would there be state-line bra boutiques that crop up along the borders of Virginia and South Carolina specializing in the sale of those non-official bras, much like "dry" counties have beverage outlets on the borders of adjacent "wet" counties?

In other bra news, Scottish female hikers are advised to take off their bras before ascending peaks so that their compasses might not be skewed.  Alternatively, avoid those with underwiring or, if feasible, use Band-Aids.


Banana Oil said...

Mormon women wear a special type of underwear called temple garments. Some call it magical underwear.

BipolarBunny said...

Now, I'm not a Constitutional scholar but my husband is. Went to University of Chicago Law School while Obama was teaching Constitutional Law there. My husband took the class with a different Prof. Well, it's not like he wore a "Future POTUS" shirt.
Anyway, no. It is illegal for any government that falls within the Federal government, as well as the Federal government itself to declare a religion. That's one of the things the Founding Fathers were running from. "Because God said" has NEVER been a winning legal argument. In fact, it rarely makes it to court.
And everyone asks, "Did you meet Obama?" Yeah, I don't know. I went to a lot of events. I'm sure I did. I don't know. Just don't know.

MarkD60 said...

I'm not a constitutional scholar, but I commented on a blog right after a lady whose husband is one, so I know all about it.

Do a YouTube search for Christian Panties. There's a preacher lady (a man in drag) comedian doing a "sermon".

TexWisGirl said...

so much for separation of church and state.

The Bastard King of England said...

I don't think an official state religion would pass any Constitutional test. No worries.

Mike said...

As if the branches of Christianity don't fight enough now.

And be careful. Christian jokes might become a felony.

Grand Crapaud said...

I never thought of the New Orleans Saints as being a controversial name. How about New Orleans Pretty Good Guys?

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I hope they don't try that bit of grandstanding in Alabama.

Women going braless is kind of nice.

Bilbo said...

Bras for various religious groups. Hmmm. I think I need to work on this one ... this could be an AWESOME post!

John Hill said...

Religion and bras ... a whole different kind of separation!

Big Sky Heidi said...

I'd like to see a Holy Roller bra! Presumably, it's a sports bra.