Sunday, April 14, 2013

Questions Guys Dread Being Asked

Whether it's the result of some form of female insecurity that prompts us to ask those kinds of questions, or we just enjoy seeing that 'deer in the headlights' look on guys, I don't know; but there's a genre of questions that guys hate to be asked because they fear that an answer they give might get them in trouble.  And, they're not sure sure of what the safe alternative, if any, is.

As a minister once put it, the first time such a question first occurred was in the Garden of Eden, when Eve asked Adam, "Is my butt too big, or may I eat this apple?"  Adam then existentially confronted The Fall.

Since Adam hadn't gone to Law School, and learned to squirm out of a troublesome question, you know the rest of the story.

Anyway, when it comes to boobs and butts, most guys operate on a simple algorithm: Bigger is better!  We're different: we're sort of programmed to feel our appearance is deficient but improveable in some way.  Blame it on advertisements, I guess.  Just don't ask your guy, "Do you think I need a boob job?"  And, above all, don't ask your priest!

Some things are not on their radar screen:  "Am I wearing too much make-up?"  "Am I showing through this blouse or t-shirt?"  "Do you prefer Hollandaise dressing or Vinegarette dressing on your salad?"  "How do you like this tango lesson?"  "Would you like to see Twilight?"  "Am I too moody?"

Questions of this type are asked sometimes, to ensure that guys are paying full attention.  But most of the time, out of simple insecurity.

Still, sometimes things come up that are the topic of valid curiosity.  For example, there was the item last week regarding men's preferences for women's bikini waxing.  I just wouldn't have the heart to ask my Semi-Platonic guy friend Dee-Doh which he preferred.

But I might ask my Guardian Angel Steve, just to tease him!


Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

I like that new twist on the Adam and Eve story.

And, yes, that bikini bottom looks great!

Grand Crapaud said...

Don't answer the bikini waxing question unless you are sure of the correct answer beforehand.

Who collects that data, anyway?

Deena said...

I admit cheerfully to asking questions of that type just for fun. But the bikini wax one -- that's a new one to try.

The real reason for trimming or waxing down there is to prevent stray hairs from showing on the outside of the bikini. Duh.

Big Sky Heidi said...

What it really comes down to are questions about appearance or emotional states. No guy dreads being asked if he'd like to screw!

TexWisGirl said...

i wish we could take a pill to get us over our own insecurities. :)

Mike said...

Have two apples!

Brandi said...

Ask your guardian angel about the boob job one while you're at it!

Brandi said...

Does that bikini bottom come with a matching bra?

Big Sky Heidi said...

Guys give themselves away by ineptly avoiding answering those questions, or by hesitating.

"Does this dress make my butt look too big?"

........(pause)....Er, no.

Bilbo said...

You missed the grand champion gotcha question women ask their men: "If I die, would you get married again?" There is just no good answer to that.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Mike -- That's a great comeback.

Heidi -- Good point.

Brandi -- Yes. separately

Bilbo -- Yes, that takes the prize!

Elvis -- A service for ministers who need to lighten up sermons.

MarkD60 said...

The number one rule is never answer any question that starts with "What if?". The answer is "I do not answer questions that start with "What if?".

Angelika said...

Yeah, bikini waxing, that's a good one. I guess it's all to do with the culture and, the size of the bikini, of course.

Fran├žoise said...

Shaving will usually suffice.

And, contrary to false belief, we do shave out arm pits.