Thursday, March 21, 2013

Cowgirl Melinda Takes Yoga Classes

In an initiative to obtain fitness among ranch employees, the rancher included a health plan which also included three weekly sessions at the local health club.  Now Melinda, our cowgirl hero, considered herself to be reasonably fit; still, sometimes there are those aches and pains that come as part of outdoor work in Wyoming during the winter.  And seeking alcoholic solace with her friends did not help, either.

Frankly, Melinda was about as sensible about exercise as most Americans: she liked not doing it.  But she was practical; and wanted to keep fit against the unknown future.  After all, there are few desk jobs for cowboys or cowgirls!

So she signed up for Beginning Yoga.  She thought that the yoga costume was okay, if a little conspicuous.  (She would wear panties underneath (many costumes are somewhat see-through) and a windbreaker coming and going from classes.)  And she learned much of the lingo and some of the poses.

First there was the corpse pose.  That was easy.  And downward-facing dog.  And the triangle pose.

One pose that really got her was the plow pose.  Now this pose requires that the person start off, supine, and slowly move her legs upward while still extended.  Next, while the upper part of the body remains on the floor, the lower part and the extended legs are straight up.  Then, the legs are bent back over the chest and head.

Cowgirl Melinda thought, "Oh me; my ass is sticking straight up in the air! What if the guys see me looking like a pretzel?"

It was a critical moment, poor Melinda felt some pressure in her tummy, and she thought, "Maybe I can break wind unobtrusively, and maybe no one will notice . . . ."

Just then, three of the cowboys burst in the room, saw the class with their butts up in the air en masse, and one said, "Wow!  I never saw so many asses since Congress was in session!"

Melinda couldn't help herself; she got the giggles.  And let fly the most amazing and literary fart since Geoffrey Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales!




The Plow Pose

13 comments:

Big Sky Heidi said...

The plow position can result in women with gracious plenty getting their boobs in their faces. It's impossible to do it if you have a tum.

Brandi said...

This is a real cool short tale. I enjoyed it.

Brandi

TexWisGirl said...

oh, dear.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

That's my thoughts too. I'd never be able to get out of that position!

MarkD60 said...

Picture Homer Simpson saying "Bacon, yummmm" Now picture me saying "Yoga pants, yummmmm!"

Mike said...

I just recently learned about see through yoga outfits. I might have taken up yoga earlier in life had I known.

BipolarBunny said...

Oh, my!

Bilbo said...

I used to take a class called "Body Flow" at our local Gold's Gym. It included a lot of yoga and tai chi, and was quite fun. However, I agree with Melinda that some poses are conducive to the ventilation of waste gases...which is not a good thing when you're an old guy who is usually the only man in the class.

Deena said...

I enjoyed the story, having done yoga for a number of years and having occasional olfactory mishaps.

Big Sky Heidi said...

"You can't take the truth"!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

An attractive woman in yoga pants is easy on the eyes. Especially if she's commando.

Leroy said...

I must say that the pose does look fart facilitating!

Anemone said...

I'll stick to surfing, thank you!