Friday, March 29, 2013

The Alabama Solution for Unsuccessful Politicians

There's a legend that unsuccessful Alabama politicians go to Buck's Pocket after they lose an election.  Whether this is a local custom, or a rural legend, or required by law in that strange state, I do not know.

Nor do I know whether they console themselves with mojitos or martinis or margaritas there -- surely it's not in one of those depressing dry counties?  Maybe they use that place as a springboard for gainful employment.

But this is not about Alabama.  They seem to be doing quite well in football, so they have the important fundamentals down.  I'm concerned with this apparent glut in politicians.

We need to consider using the Alabama solution to help recycle politicians on the national level and in other states:  Send them away to a remote state park!  An apt modern use of ostracism.

One legendary loser on the national level once proclaimed, "Well, you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around any more."  He later became President.  And, like Frankenstein's monster, John Kerry is BAAAACK!  And Hilary never went away.  Will Rick Santorum and Donald Trump come out of their burrows in three years, not see their shadows, and decide to run again?  Or, look at our living Vice-Presidents.  Do Dan Quayle and Joe Biden give you scary thoughts?  Throw in Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney, and John Edwards!

Can you see the problem?  Now if they're safely deposited in some isolated state park and given some nice drinks, they might not keep coming back.  And it's a lot kinder and gentler than treating them like vampires.

On the other hand, Alabama has another landmark nearby: Scottsboro.  This is the home of the Unclaimed Baggage Center and First Monday, the monthly flea market.  And you can imagine how this would work if we treated unelected or deposed politicians as unclaimed baggage:

"Here's a slightly used Blagojevitch.  Maybe we could take him back home to Ol' Virginny, refurbish him, and he would do as a serviceable Governor!"

Buck's Pocket


Leroy said...

Unsuccessful politicians in most places just mope around and say "I told you so."

TexWisGirl said...

i'd like to recycle our tx governor. :)

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Buck's Pocket State Park is an easy drive from Huntsville. It's relatively unvisited, so beer and topless sunning goes by.

It is in a dry county, so come prepared.

Bilbo said...

Putting retired, defeated, and unsuccessful politicians in Buck's Pocket is not a bad idea, because they're already used to being in somebody's pocket.

MarkD60 said...

I get angry when somebody mentions that place the airlines sell the baggage they stole. They stole $3000 worth of scuba gear and gave me $600.

Sinner Bob said...

We need a place like that in NC. Maybe at Mars Hill or Murphy.

Insane Penguin said...

Retired and unsuccessful politicians simply go on the speakers' circuit and make big bucks

Mike said...

We have been pushing Bilbo for President for years. We can now add Angel for VP!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

Leroy -- Sometimes they're right.

Mark -- That is such a shame. Airlines have such low, unrealistic lost baggage adjustments.

TexWisGirl -- Yes

Elvis -- Bummer.

Bilbo -- It's nicely out of the way, at least.

Penguin -- The smart ones do, at least

Mike -- Thank you.