Saturday, March 23, 2013

Al Gautreaux Discusses Different Types of Women

Missy Chauvin's recent program in which she had Madeline discuss the major types of guys was an audience favorite, so her producers assigned her to follow suit on different types of women.  Madeline felt that she could not do the topic justice, so Missy called on her fellow Action News reporter Al Gautreaux to fill in the spot.

In fact, when he isn't diligently pursuing the news, Al is notorious for being an appreciator of women in all of their forms.  A bit of a roué in training.  Besides, he was already in the studio, having his second cup of coffee gratis from the newsroom pot.  (With chicory, absolutely).

So.......... the program begins:

Missy Chauvin:  "Al Gautreaux, we're always delighted to have you as a guest on The Morning Program in addition to being with you on Action News.  The topic for this morning is types of women.  Our avid viewing audience would like to know your take on this, so tell it all as it may be!"

Al Gautreaux:  "Thank you, Missy; but you give me far more credit for knowledge.  I'm still in the learning stage, and lessons sometimes go hard.  But let me start off by mentioning a few types:

There's the highly motivated career woman.  You an always see her on the street wearing a business suit, and carrying the Wall Street Journal.  Business is her forté, and any love life comes incidentally.  As women go, she is the Alpha Woman, and if you go with her you had better know it!

Then there's the ex-sorority girl.  She does work after a fashion; but her style is more to socializing and good times.  She would be easily led astray with sojourns to the Florabama on the Gulf Coast or maybe a dirty weekend at St. Martin's, where she cheerfully goes topless.

I cannot avoid mentioning the sincerely religious girl.  Her focus is on matters spiritual, and if you see her, you had better expect a lot of church time.  Also, she is saving herself for marriage.  And not very often then.

Then there's the skank.  She can easily be found in bars; and her signature skill is being about to tie a cherry stem in a knot while using her tongue.  She's easy, what more do I need to say?

Missy:  "Al, aren't these a little overblown?  Aren't there other women that are out there?"

Al:  "Yes, Missy, there's the standard Yat.  Whatever her age, she lives and dies according to the fate of the Saints.  In guess that in that way she is religious.  She's fun to be with, she has a heavy accent, and can be soothed by a Dixie longneck or two.  Standard Yats make for nice girlfriends; they won't object if you watch the game on television and will even have a beer or two with you.

No so with the Uptown charmer.  She spends the period before Mardi Gras going to balls; when young she attended a finishing school and her mother groomed her to marry a bank executive or a corporate lawyer.  She's out of most guys' league!  You're most likely to encounter her at a debutante cotillion.

There's also the Scholar.  This rarely-seen shy species is usually in the library stacks, or immersed in some laboratory.  Little is known about her mating habits. 

Finally, there's the Artiste.  She is usually engrossed in her art, or her music, or her writing.  She can be seen occasionally at the Napoleon House, but is typically a loner."  She's heavy into theory, not much on practicality.

Missy:  "Well, Al, you seem to have described a range of possible women.  But what about that lady you had that brief encounter with; how does she fall in the scheme of things?

Al:  "Which one?"  [Visibly winces]

Missy:  "Oh, you know, Mistress  Wanda!

Al:  "Missy, she's sui generis!"


Brandi said...

Poor Al is clueless like most guys.

Which type is the lady in the hat?

Kristen Drittsekkdatter said...

There are a number of artistes at UM!
I see his types as about right, but unfamiliar with the Standard Yat, are they like Viking Jockettes?

John Hill said...

And just which type is Ms. Angel?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

I'm most likely the Scholar

Mike said...

Mistress Wanda is definitely unique.

Françoise said...

The temptation is to try to classify myself. Am i a combination of the artiste, the religious type, and the scholar? It depends on the mood.

Big Sky Heidi said...

Yes, I am an ex-sorority girl.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

John, I'm a hybrid standard Yat, scholar, and religious girl.

Like a mix of my characters Prophetess Madeline and Cowgirl Melinda.

Bilbo said...

Let's hear it for artistes and scholars!