How Lord Byron Went to Ecuador

Erecting monuments to honor famous people is often motivated to beautify the urban setting, to express concretely certain civic aspirations, and to provide an edifying model for citizens to emulate. Thus, kings, statesmen, soldiers, and civic benefactors are subjects so honored.

Guayaquil, Ecuador desired to honor the Ecuadorian leader and poet, José Olmedo. After all, he was mayor of Guayaquil twice and was President of Ecuador in 1845. He was also an accomplished poet; having written many patriotic poems.

The only trouble was, having a statue of Olmedo would cost more than the community could afford.

So they thought, "No way, José! What the heck! We'll get a pre-owned one of somebody or other we can afford. Anyway, who remembers what he looked like!"

And so, a statue of George Gordon, Lord Byron was placed in Guayaquil by these thrifty citizens and duly labeled José Olmedo.

Byron subbing for Olmedo

José Olmedo

 

Sleeping in the Nude

During their biweekly gathering over chicory coffee and beignets, one of the ladies brought up an interesting matter. Supposedly, sleeping in the nude gives a person a better night's sleep. Now this appeared in the Times Picyaune, so that word was as good as gospel!

The now-wide awake girls took a minute or two to digest that bit of news; and the floodgate of comments was opened.

Missy Chauvin opened with a little admission: she sometimes did that when she was behind on her washing. Some of the others were surprised by her remark; not by the admission of her sometimes sleeping nude; but by her admitting that she sometimes let the washing slip by. Hilda Walspurgis asked, not censoriously, "What? Do you not like red beans and rice?" She was alluding to the New Orleans custom of preparing red beans and rice on washday; and talk about many things goes down to talking about food. By the way, red beans and rice calls for beer or at least tea.

Marie D'Aquin worried about nekkid sleeping being an occasion for sin of some kind. She then wondered if we should send Madeline Dupré to ask Father Devereaux if it was. Madeline was horrified at the good padre learning that she slept naked; but said, "No, prolly not. If you feel it's sinful, it's because you're probably doing it sinfully." The group had to sort through that moral koan, and went on taking sips of coffee.

Well, Suzette Picou said, "I always slept in the nude; being a little cooler at night helps me sleep a little better. There's just one problem, though."

Madeline asked, "What's that?"

Suzette replied, "Well, you know I like to do my Tai Chi exercises outside when I first wake up. Well, I was doing mine the other day, and I forgot that I slept naked! The poh-lice didn't mind much, though. I support the Policemen's Union!"

So why should people sleep in the nude? Clotilde Badeaux quoted from a Cosmopolitan article that cited, among reasons, it helps you sleep better, it helps release those beneficial hormones as melatonin and growth hormone from being disrupted, it helps you enjoy snuggling better because you release more oxytocin, it results in you having more sex, and it helps air things out down there to keep bacteria and fungi at bay. Because of the absence of ten-foot poles, no one touched that last one.

Now the kitty cat was let out of the bag. Still, Tina Moreau remarked that she normally slept nekkid; but when she wanted to do it, she put on that translucent red and black nightie. Whoa, Nelly; too much information for some! At least they learned a little about her b.f.'s tastes!

Clara Thibodeaux was unusually quiet. But then she said, "When I want to be laid, I wear my Confederate Flag nightie."

"Three questions were asked; but the most important one was "Why?"

Clara said, "Because I want the South to rise again!"

Double entendres still are the lingua franca in New Orleans.

[I got this idea from Bilbo's post a few weeks ago.]

Tearing Down Goal Posts

Fans tearing down goal posts after their team wins a football game is more likely to occur if their team wins a significant game, or they defeat an important rival institution, or snaps a losing streak of some magnitude.

An immediate consequence of Ohio State winning the national football championship in early January, 2015 was that some of its fans set nearly 90 fires in garbage cans, dumpsters, and sofas. They also tore down a goal post in Ohio Stadium. Police used tear gas and pepper spray on the unruly crowd, making several arrests in the process.

The goal post so abused was a temporary one used for high school games played in Ohio Stadium on the OSU campus.

The National Championship game itself was played earlier in Arlington, Texas; but the goal post torn down was in Columbus, Ohio. The goal posts in Texas were unmolested; but Big Ten fans are resourceful; and one goal post is just as good as another!

As to what happens to the goal posts afterward, it's hard to say. Most often they're left behind because of their weight. But one so taken down by jubilant Northwestern fans was thrown out of the stadium and then dumped into Lake Michigan!

Couyons at Large: Uff da!

In Cajun country we refer to real dumbasses as couyons. Looking at those reliable scenes as politics, journalism, and Hollywood, there's a lot of that going on nowadays.

Recently hunters in Norway shot a pair of moose. Kind of sad, isn't it, to see a pair of these regal animals downed so inauspiciously? Well, the story is more complicated and requiring a face palm. These moose were in a zoo! Neither the hunters nor their dogs were aware that they were now in protected territory. Something about the fence being down . . . . 

Uff da! Will these intrepid hunters rest on their laurels; or try for moose with bigger racks? (Like some guys try to trade up on a different kind of rack!)

Well, I'm kind of cool about hunting. Subsistence hunting is still a necessity for a small number of people; but shooting exotic critters for the sake of downing one is a real couyon move! Like that Minnesota dentist that made the news because he shot a lion. Did he eat any lion meat? Did nearby tribes benefit from eating lionburgers?

Now I'm not going to do the ostrich bit, and pretend that I don't know where the hamburgers or andouille comes from. No way! But shooting critters for the pure hell of it is a couyon move!

Well, maybe an exception can be made for members of the genus rattus. (Like the brown (Norwegian) rat, or the black rat. But maybe not. What about the Sprague-Dawley strain of Norwegian rat? They're albino, and have an easy to handle disposition suitable for use in laboratories. New York has a rat problem; not surprising, because rats were unplanned beneficiaries of agriculture and humans staying in cities. They even employ rat-catchers; but a few become turncoats and some have even come back with war brides.

Sheila: The Joy of Bubblegum Music

It's funny how some musical genres are déclassé in retrospect, despite their widespread popularity at the time. I believe that French yéyé music and depression era country music falls in that category; but the best example seems to be bubblegum music from the 1960's and 1970's. That's because they were specifically intended for pre- and early adolescent youth at the time the more strident hard rock and grunge music hit the scene; not to mention jazz rock groups like Chicago.

I heard an example of one on a station from Sweetwater, Tennessee called "Sheila." It had a Buddy Holly sound and I thought he was the performer (Think Peggy Sue). The singer is Tommy Roe, it was his first hit, and it definitely was done in the Lubbock style. Anyway, it's cheerful; and a relief from the somber news or pretentious stuff that some people put out. His sideburns are a hoot!

Changing Parishes to Counties

It's the Era of Bad Feeling; the dawn of the Age of Iconoclasm. First it was the Confederate flags and monuments. Right now four New Orleans monuments are in the process of being moved - where unspecified - due to Hizonner, the Mayor! And, like in many other places, the expedient position is to give the complaintants what they want rather than have some costly litigation that can go any odd way.

Anyway, I figure they will go; and I'll miss Creole General Beauregard [Burreygard], as he's pronounced in New Orleans.

But, flushed with this success, like Thomas Crapper, the crabs and common scolds now sought out to destroy additional targets.

One of the unique traits of Louisiana is that it has parishes, not counties. These came from original divisions corresponding to the river parishes back from the days of French and Spanish rule. Suppose some people favoring extreme separation of Church and State sued to change the names of Louisiana's local government areas from the churchy parishes to the righteous, California- and New York-approved counties? Yes, some of them would! Furthermore, some of those parishes carried saints' names! Yes, there were St. Bernard, St. Helena, St. James, St. Charles, St. Martin, St. Mary, St. John the Baptist, St. Tammany, and Landry Parishes.

The plaintiffs threw in Ascension Parish just to be safe. It sounded vaguely religious, as Louisiana had little need for elevators in that river parish. [The plaintiffs missed Assumption Parish, think it had to do with making assumptions. They made the wrong assumption.]

Well, the locals in those places were, like, really pissed! And they didn't roll over too easy. They pointed out that they changeover would entail prohibitive costs of new signage, new stationary, new paint jobs on deputies' cars, and new decorations the numerous courthouses, 64 in number. But, most of all, they feared that documents with the old name would be null and void. This would negate all marriage licenses and birth certificates before the court-mandated name change! Kind of reaching, but anything is fair when you don't want things done.

Yes, the number of parishes crept up to 64 by the 20th century. Actually, for a while the state had both parishes and counties until the Constitution of 1845 made them all parishes.

Actually, some parishes being called that did not preclude them being havens for wickedness: East Baton Rouge, Jefferson, and Orleans being the most known for dishonesty and vice. And one of the "saint" parishes was not named about anyone cited in hagiography: There is no Saint Tammany! St. Tammany was named after the Delaware Chief Tamanend, who was not Catholic or Episcopalian. He made peace with William Penn and was known for his goodness.* As a matter of fact, Tammany Hall in NYC was named after him.

Well, you likely know how this was going to turn out. The court mandated that parishes would henceforth be changed to counties, and that eight of the nine "saint" parishes would have a court nominated name change. St. Tammany Parish became plain old Tammany County. The other eight became Alpha through Hotel Counties, in all.

The court declared the older documents still valid. After all, an attorney can be a son of a bitch; but don't call him a bastard!

Seeing this nomenclature change befalling the Pelican State, some extreme Tea Party types threatened a suit to change the four Commonwealths**  to mere States, feeling that Communism is implied in that term. Thomas Hobbes rolled over in his grave!

*Even though, during his life, he did not meet General Philip Sheridan's criterion for a good Indian.
**Massachuetts, Virginia, Pennsylvania, anf Kentucky

The Red-Headed Schoolteacher Tries Out Politics

The task of filling out a political slate in small counties can be problematic, especially if some of the offices do not have obvious sources of graft to go with them. This was the problem of the up-and-coming Solid American Party (SAP) in Averill County: they did not have a bench of aspirants who might be content to get into the game for mere exposure, unlike the local Republicans and Democrats. In truth, the Solid American Party was regarded as nothing more than a cabal of kooks, tinfoil helmet wearers, and renegades from the acceptable and God-given plan of the two party system.

Some would even label these upstarts as dangerously antithetical to the American Way of Life!

So the Solid American Party faithful scoured for possibilities who had not firmly committed one way or another. They were canny; and wanted to get the women vote. Hopefully, by finding women who represented hard-core family values. And what could be more hard-core than having a commitment to education? Thus, the SAP leadership approached Anne, the Red-Headed Schoolteacher to be their candidate for County Sheriff!

The incumbent Democrat was rumored to be as crooked as a ram's horn; and the Republican candidate was caught in a raid on a brothel. Thus, the possibility of a third party candidate winning was within the realm of reality!  

The Red-Headed Schoolteacher had Billy Bob and Bubba on her team; and they persuaded the low-life of the county to register to vote. After all, they recognized having pull with the govamint was a big deal, sho nuff! They met with Long Tall Sally and a local beer distributor to work on the campaign literature (he was the major source of funding for the SAP candidates).

Anyway, what should our perky ginger stand for in County politics and policing? Her brain trust (to use this term loosely) came up with a few ideas:

1.  More random license checks on back roads.

2.  Morning prayers for both jailers and prisoners to reduce in-jail conflicts.

3.  Dressing the chain gang in Virginia Tech sportswear.

4.  Conjugal visits for prisoners and jailers.

And there was the elephant in the room: underfunding and underpaying of the sheriff's department.

But, true to form, the primary issue perennially confronting law enforcement in a dry county was enforcement of the local prohibition law. The Democratic candidate reliably got support from some libertines because he ran on a platform of repealing the prohibition law. The Republican ran on a platform of strict enforcement; with support from some local churches (so much for separation of church and state).

So how was Anne, the Red-Headed Schoolteacher, going to handle this issue?  If she came out one way or another, she would split the support of one of the other two parties, and the other party would win!

Well, Anne read a Moron's Guide to Politics, and hatched a cunning plan: Because the department was underfunded, she said that she would deploy deputies in enforcing the prohibition law on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday since those were statistically the days in which DUIs and bootlegging were at their peak! This gave the Republicans a dilemma: they could put up for full funding at the price of raising taxes! Of course, the "wets" could learn to operate and misbehave on a different schedule.

Politics is still the art of the possible! And learning to juggle partisan issues with bipartisan solutions.