Playing at Being Cajun

One surprise in traveling to farther parts of the United States is encountering the wild stereotypes people there have about Cajuns and the Acadian Parishes, much less New Orleans. This came across in Alaska around a campfire, where I encountered those remarkable rara aves, a multiaged group of people who spontaneously conversed with strangers. It started innocently enough; having to do with the pronunciation of my name.

"What kind of name is that?"

"Acadian French."

"Ohh! A coonass!* Have you ever paddled one of those long, narrow canoes?"

"A pirogue?"

"Yes, if that's what you people call them."

"Do you have alligators back home?" 

"Uh, yes. We do. And pelicans, muskrats, and nutria also."

"Do you wear shoes back home?" 

"Does your family speak real English or just French?" [Actually, I do best with New Orleans English and a Louisiana dialect of French.]

Now here is where the role of imparting real factual information often takes second place to the Cajun trickster or raconteuse that so easily comes out at this time. And the usual spoken English gradually morphs into a pronounced, exaggerated dialect. These and those becomes dese and doses. Dat's rite! That sounds exotic in places where people say "You betcha!" or drink soda.

"Did ya ever eat alligator?"

"Why no. Dat wouldn't be right. We have a pet gator, Albie, and we wouldn't feel right in eating our beloved pet or his kin. Gators got feelins' too."

And somewhere along in the tale I spun managed to go to school by pirogue instead of riding a city bus. And became barefooted instead of wearing shoes to school with the school color-coded Catholic school uniform. (In our case, brown skirts with white blouses.)

"Whooo-eeee! Swamp girl goes get some educatin'" !

And I need to mention that we drink local beers: Abita, Dixie, and whatever the store sells cut rate. And all of us, hommes and filles alike are handy with a knife. And a fork and spoon, too!

And if I'm really expansive (or full of shit!), I tell of loup-garous, lost Acadian maids and their lovers, Yankee soldiers that got lost while invading the bayous,  moonshiners, swamp monsters, and tomfool politicians who promised too much. And stories of wild parties during hurricanes also can also be told! Apocrypha is never out of style!

My rationale is that, if there is to be a choice between the everyday reality and the exotic, people would rather hear the exotic every time. Especially around campfires.

Yes, it helps to be able to keep a straight face while being a Cajun raconteuse! Anyway, the drama queen in me likes †o be seen as some untamed exotic!

*Using that term in Southern Louisiana does not help to win friends and influence people there, my friens.' Fo' true!.

Cowgirl Melinda and the Running of the Bulls

Cowgirl Melinda, normally a lass of even temperament and slow to criticize, could make some exceptions at times. She did have a minimal fashion sense, as she commented on why she would not wear jodhpurs while in Captain Randy's Tame Eastern Show. She was neutral during the 2016 election; considering it a serious mess no matter how se looked at it. 

But there is one thing that totally and reliably stuck in her craw. That is that ostensibly sane individuals would go to torrid northwestern Spain in mid-summer, for gosh sake!  And let themselves be chased by bulls! For God's sake: those damned things have horns and they don't blow 'em!

She was, of course, referring to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona!

Now let's get the flavor of Melinda's thoughts on this:

"Hopping Horehound Cough Drops, buckaroos! You mean there are people so screwed up that they would willingly go to a place where pissed-off bulls get to run down the street and be chased by them? No, these dudes were not sentenced by some barbaric court to be chased and possibly maimed by these raging cattle; they did it on purpose! One even got gored in his gut and another in his scrotum for being on the unlucky end of one of these terrible testy toros!"

"I blame it all on a 1920's hack writer, Hemingway, a Midwesterner who wrote some other Required Reading that we subject high school kids to and tell them it could be worse: It could be Jude the Really Obscure or Great Expectorations!*

And listening to Cowgirl Melinda, this makes a lot of sense. Who in his or her right mind would get in the way of angry bulls? 

*The real deal books were bo-ring! - A.M.B.

Close the -Gate, Already!

Watergate, which happened sometime in the B. A. (before Angélique) era has spawned the ubiquitous -"gate" suffix as a shorthand to render anything attached to it as scandalous, like Nipplegate or Deflategate. 

Gee, in the Pretrumpian Era, was there such a stability and orderliness that the Watergate scandal forever shattered that cognitive stability regarding government? Or has the English language become so ossified that we reflexively fall on a few hackneyed terms (or suffixes, in this case) to encapsulate an idea?

The latest thrill ride to evoke the -gate suffix is beachgate now.  Apparently beaches in Jersey were closed due to inadequate funding; but guess who managed to appear like a beached whale on Jersey Shore? No, it wasn't Snooki. Yes, the Tub Guv* in all his splendor. 

I move that '-gate' be included among the List of Banned Words that Lake Superior State University comes out with for 2018. 

*Not to be mistaken for Alabama's former Luv Guv, Robert Bentley.

The Golden Dog

There's an enigmatic decoration on a large building in Quebec City: a golden dog chewing on a bone. By itself, it would be a charming and eccentric ornament to a building; but the inscription with it evokes a disquieting note:

     "Je suis un chien qui ronge l'os,

      En le rongeant je prends mon repose.

     Un temps viendra qui n'est pas venu

      Que je mordrai qui m'aura mordu."

                   1736.

Or in English:

     "I am a dog that gnaws his bone,

    I rest and gnaw it all alone--

     A time will come, which is not yet,

      When I'll bite him by whom I'm bit."

An unusual, cryptic ornament to a building.

However, there is a story behind it.  In the 18th century, it was a private residence of a wealthy merchant Nicholas Philibert. He had a dispute with Bigot, the representative of the Grand Company which had a monopoly on the territory.  Philibert was very popular because most of the colonists felt exploited by the Grand Company and especially Bigot. M. Philibert was an annoyance to the Grand Company who dealt fairly with the colonists.

If this story was true, then the inscription was nothing less than an implied threat.

Here is a credible, detailed recount about possible stories behind the golden dog.

Still, the golden dog is cute.

Tee Tina's Test for Boyfriend Quality

So Tee Tina had a less-than-satisfying time on her date with Tee Thibodaux. Seriously, that boy was always trying to push the limits. After all, a date was a social occasion; not a hands-on experience for him.  But now that she was old enough to see guys, there was the question as to who to spend time with. No one intimidatingly forward, but someone nice and sincere. In other words, real boyfriend material.

Now in consultation with other girls, she explored the idea of selecting guys on the basis of their willingness to take her to Mass on Sunday. This had an appeal on one level; however being seen together at Mass might be mis-read by older people as the two of them being long-term serious. After all, adults might come to expect an impending reading of their banns of marriage at church!

No, too much of a commitment is implied. And no one wants to be talked about by adults over their Sunday dinner; even if it's taken at the Blue Duck Diner or over the picnic table!

Another criterion suggested by some girls was offered: Would the guy take her to see a rom-com? The more romantic, the better. No, the fact is that a demand of that kind might be seen by guys to serve as a prelude to a hot make-out session afterwards. (Tee Tina knew something about how teen guys' brains worked.)

The fact is, you have to kiss a number of toads before you find a real prince. It ain't easy, you know.

Finally, Tee Tina decided on a field test for possible candidates. This was a early sign that she had a scientific bent that she furthered later on in another area at L.S.U.

Her test was straightforward. When she was one on one with a guy, she just happened to have undone three buttons of her blouse while pretending to be apparently oblivious to that fact. To be sure, she was showing more of herself than was socially acceptable! Her reasoning was that a nice guy would point out her predicament in a nice way; and not simply ogle her boobies.

She decided to test her idea on Tee Boudreaux; seemingly a manageable guy.

Anyway, Tee Boudreaux passed her politeness test, though he was a bit abashed to point out Tina's problem. Tee Boo was an innocent about such things. Somehow, saying "Nice pink bra, Tina" lacked subtlety; but Tina read that as Boudreaux offering an awkward compliment.

Anyway, Tee Tina found herself a boyfriend; one polite, caring, and one she could manage quite effectively. Not a bad deal at all.

The Modern Fashion of Beards

The hirsute look is making a comeback on guys, after a long night since the late 1800's. Actually, the bearded look became really big during the Civil War; and sort of petered out in the early 1900's And definitely by the beginning of World War I.

From whence did this come? Is it a sign of the incipient rise of sectionalist strife; or did the price of razor blades reach critical mass? Or possibly there are a lot of latent hipsters out there that are lurking behind the camouflage of being accountants or attorneys? Or do hillbillies have a lot of secret admirers?

One reason that has not been raised much before is that some guys favor beards as a blatant sign promising virility on the part of the bewhiskered. In other words, "Have sex with me and I'll ring your chimes every time!" Now that can be as obvious as carrying a sign! And that might explain why lumberjacks are so popular. 

And some Freudian might equate a shave of the whiskers as the guy equivalent to bikini waxing. Do the bearded also prefer the au naturel look for women too? Someone should look into this, because bikini waxing is darn painful! Now that's a 2017 quid pro quo for you!

In the meantime sports figures tend to grow whiskers in profusion. Even the Mariners and other also-ran teams.

Do you think that William Thomson, Lord Kelvin was sexy? You might be susceptible to the lure of the beard! Or perhaps the First and Second Laws of Thermodynamics! Entropy, anyone?

Music - "Jolie Blonde"

"Jolie Blonde" is the most loved and most played Cajun Song. It's also known as "Jole Blon." Here's Waylon Thibodeaux's rendition:

For the song lyrics in Acadian French and English, go to Jo-El Sonnier's version.

Regretfully, I found no "Jolie Blonde" instrumental involving the accordion. Or maybe, it's just as well, given the reception that accordion music may get.