The Mississippi Territory Seal

Recently Mike posted on his blog some humorous memes about the spelling of Mississippi.  It is a rather longish state name' but it can be useful in approximately timing seconds by counting, "One Mississippi, two Mississippi, . . . . 

But the spelling of Mississippi once took a funny historical twist.

In 1798, when the Territory of Mississippi was established by Congress, the original area consisted of approximately the lower halves of today's Mississippi and Alabama, excluding the Gulf Coast, which was part of Spanish Florida.

This newly-formed territory needed a state seal, so they had one made in Philadelphia.  It looked like this:

Whoa!  The die-maker spelled this "Missisippi."  It was a pretty nice seal, other than that error.  Still, it continued to be used by the Territorial Governor through the inclusion of the northern parts of the two states (1804) and the coastal areas (1812).

However, when Congress granted the western half of Mississippi Territory statehood, it became known as the state of Mississippi and adopted a correctly spelled seal!

In 1948, the Postal Service issued a state to honor the 150th anniversary of the forming of Mississippi Territory.  On the stamp they generated some comments because they used the design of the original seal:

Billy Bob and the Bikini Baristas

Well, Billy Bob decided to go legit: no shady doins' any more; he wuz going to be a strictly Main Street businessman, which was easily achievable in sleepy Possum Trot, MS. The problem was that Billy Bob didn't have no skills, nohow; so he opened a coffee bar that gave some routine business but nothin' special. Well, it was a small town market, Mississippi-style. What made it a problem further is that two fast food places with take-out windows started serving breakfast; and sausage biscuits caught on like a case of poison ivy!  But Billy Bob was looking for a better business model for coffee houses; and he got one on the internet that he saw instead of looking at a little light porn.

He read that some Washington State take-out coffee places featured bikini baristas; and they were doing a quite nifty business in the coffee-thirsty Pacific northwest. Would this also catch on in Mississippi? Billy Bob noticed that cute cheerleaders boosted attendance at the junior college games, not to mention Mississippi State. Well, he was going to give it his best shot.

So he hired two good ole blonde gals, one with tall and one with grande assets, to wear bikinis while selling coffee. Immediately, there was an increase in business. So to boost it a bit further, he hired a brunette gal with venti-sized boobs to appeal to all preferences. Over time, the gals substituted pasties for bikini tops, which added to the spectacle.  He also added some tarted-up flavors to his coffee menu, just in case. Customers came from as far as Meridian and Tuscaloosa.

Now business was really, really growin', and the girls were plumb happy 'cause they got big tips at a rate unheard of in Mississippi. And things were really good. However, the forces of morality in Possum Trot began to rally an opposition, led by two of the local ministers. They took a complaint to the town council; and in true democracy fashion, there was a hearing. Besides, there wasn't a high school football game on that night so entertainment was sparse.

The ministers argued that, while drinking coffee in itself was not sinful, having it sold by underdressed misses was a blot on both the laws of God and of man. Mothers for Morality also made a case to prohibit bikini baristas in Possum Trot. Others came forth, until the local bootlegger said that this sort of business would be bad for the community (his business) and result in a crime wave. Besides, the teeny weeny bikinis the girls wore were as thin as fettuccine!

Then the Methodist minister noted that, since the coffee shop opened, there was a decline in public drunkenness and swearing locally. And people were more alert during church services.

Main Street business interests mentioned the very salient fact: there was always a police or sheriff's deputy or state trooper parked downtown, and crime was down! Furthermore, there was a spillover effect: the bikini coffee house drew in customers who also bought gas and shopped locally, and this meant more sales taxes. Besides, it increased local employment for three more persons.

The holy roller minister did own up that there was a lot less dancing going on in Possum Trot.

Hmmm.....

So the City Council, in an attempt to make peace locally, asked rhetorically if it would be okay to allow the bikini coffee house if the baristas would wear real bikini tops instead of pasties?

Billy Bob and the girls agreed. As Ellie May (the venti brunette) put it, my damn left pasty tended to come unstuck a lot, anyway.

So with the wisdom of Solomon, the bikini barista flap in Possum Trot was over. Who says compromise is a bad thing? Maybe there's a lesson here for Congress.

Bubbette Wrapping

Some of the more rambunctious residents in Beat 5*, Pearl River County, Mississippi were having an outdoor barbecue and beer blast, despite the fact that such doings were illegal in a dry county.  Oh well, the Sheriff's Deputies knew better than to borrow trouble by disrupting this great meeting of the minds.  Truth to tell, three of them were in attendance as partiers.

Yes, quite a few of the good old boys and good old girls had a few too many, and were feeling no pain.  Now these impromptu gatherings were firearm-free and conducted with an easy casualness.  I might add, they were racially mixed, as it is 2014 and there was recognition that all were barbecue and beer lovers at heart.  Besides, politicians could use the occasion to schmooze potential voters.  The only potentially dividing issue: red sauce versus vinegar-based sauce.

Anyway, a few got passed-out drunk and sprawled on the picnic table tops.  This necessitated the inconvenience of eating around the sprawlers, but Mississippians can be resourceful when it comes to beer and barbecue..

Now there is a rural prank played when that happens: It's called Bubba Wrapping.**  What people do is to use duct tape to wrap the sleeping person to the table top, often leaving him until he was released by the deputies, or a stray minister, or some kinfolk sent out to look for him!  

One of the partiers out for the count was Cordie May Wilson.  Now she was a hefty lass, she had an orchard of pecan trees and made pecan candy.  She liked to strip as she increasingly became intoxicated, planning to be a part-time stripper when the next county fair came around.  As a matter of fact, she was down only to be very basics, not overencumbered with clothing.

So, Jim-Bob Varnado said, instead of having a bubba wrapping, why not have a bubbette wrapping?  When he explained the concept three or four times, the others were game.  After all, Cordie May would be the first one so wrapped and would go down in history as the first bubette wrapped.

But they had a problem: Cordie May had done some stripping; and her friends did not want the duct tape stuck to her bare skin; and anyway, they didn't want to see Cordie May wind up in the County Jail in Poplarville for indecent exposure.  That would be antithetical to old-fashioned Beat 5 backwoods loyalty!  So they sort of dressed her, then duct taped her to the table top so that she was fit to be released when sober.  And no one took pictures with their cell phones, either!

So that was how bubbette wrapping came about.  The Magnolia State acquired a new custom, thanks to the good ole boys and girls of Beat 5, Pearl River County.

*A beat is a county subdivision used in Mississippi.
**Done only in the boondocks.