Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Definitive Guide to Asshole Detection

Among the vagaries of casual dating, especially while matriculating at a university, one sometimes encounters those gaping orifices called assholes. Now why is this the case?

Well, they are legion. And homo assholeous frequently has an array of talents that makes one superficially interesting. Your first response may be due to his unexpected abruptness or talents that stimulate curiosity. Also, warranted genuine assholes often are socially skilled and glib and have a suite of behaviors that call attention to themselves. They are never dull and uninteresting. All the better to play you!

Of course, asshole behavior is not simply to remove your panties. They go in for rudeness, abrupt manners, risk taking, and other jarring behaviors. Hey, some people are making careers out of being the character in Risky Business, including dancing in tighty whities! Be mindful, though, is that this aspect of assholeness is not simply immaturity; but a concerted effort to defy conventions and manners.

It's not an absence of or incomplete socialization; but the candidate going out of way to be rude and ill-mannered.

It is tempting to view these miscreants as engaging in self-defeating behavior; however, when coupled with daring and glibness, they can sometimes dramatically achieve. Even to winning major elective offices (I'm naming no names; you furnish 'em).

And here's a point: there are some fields where being a bit of an asshole can confer an advantage: politics, business, acting or comedy, and so forth. And they take advantage of the implicit willingness to accept by others their antics. For some, it's just a phase; for others, it's an ingrained trait!

So what are features of these non-rara aves? They are flamboyant, narcissistic, insensitive to others, and sometimes abusive. Without the burden of a diagnosis, I'm referring to behaviors that might be similar to certain personality disorders; specifically the narcissistic personality disorder, the histrionic personality disorderpassive-aggressive behavior, and even possibly the antisocial personality disorder.  They basically get a lot of mileage from being difficult. 

If you become enamored with one, you are in for a lot of embarrassment and disappointment. Don't overestimate your talent at reforming one; it's probably a lost cause. Acting like an asshole is very reinforcing for him or her. And it's ingrained.


John Hill said...

A very comprehensive description, Angel.
I do hope that your knowledge on the subject comes from astute observation rather than personal experience!

Mike said...

Do you get the merit badge for being one or putting up with one.

Birgit said...

You nailed it on the head! My best friend is in the midst of a separation after 23 years of being married to one who fits Narcissist to the tee! They usually have combo disorders of psychopathic or sociopathic disorders along with the ones you have mentioned. Ick!

eViL pOp TaRt said...

John Hill, a little bit of both.
Mike: The merit badge (?) should be earned by interested parties.
Birgit, those kind can wreak a lot of havoc.

Hell Hound said...

Some assholes make their assholedom very obvious!

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's a problem that has bedevilled women for centuries. "Methought I was enamoured of an asshole" is a famous Shakespeare quote.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

It's good to know where assholes come from.

Mich said...

Praise the Lord my inner asshole-detector has never steered me wrong. I can spot an asshole before they even speak.

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

Being self-absorbed (or narcissistic) seems to be the single overriding trait of assholes. Whatever other characteristics or personality traits (or disorders) they may possess, a complete or nearly complete self-interest in all things seems to be universal amongst them.

Not meaning to paint with too wide a brush, but I have often wondered at the inability of many women to be able to recognize a male asshole. I can talk to a guy at a party for 5 or 10 minutes and know whether or not he's an asshole. And most of my buddies could do the same.

So many times a couple would walk out the door at a party or some other gathering and the first words out of my mouth, or out of the mouth of one of my buddies, would be: What in the hell is she doing dating THAT asshole?!

Nope. Sorry, but things I've seen over the decades have led me to be more than a bit skeptical of that whole "women's intuition" thang.

~ D-FensDogG
Check out my new blog @
(Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

Chuck Bear said...

The knowledge that someone is an asshole just creeps up later.

Arlee Bird said...

I've certainly encountered some assholes in my life. I don't think of myself as an asshole and no one has ever called me that to my face. Well, except for my sister--I mean, we're like best of friends and all, but there are times when I know how to push her buttons and a few of those times she's called me an asshole. But then she'll get over it pretty quickly and we're fine.

Arlee Bird
Tossing It Out

allenwoodhaven said...

A great read!

An excellent list of potential non-rata aves diagnoses but don't forget Borderline Personality Disorder as a potential source.

allenwoodhaven said...

I saw a great meme once:

If you run into an asshole first thing in the morning, you ran into an asshole.
If you run into assholes all day, YOU are the asshole.