"It's time to check into the doins' of Tammy, the Redheaded Schoolteacher. Last we heerd of her was when she moonlighted by stripping on a party bus going over the Tail of the Dragon. I jest wanna say that she works also as a schoolteacher during the week, teachin' the wee ones some lessons in readin', writing', and other stuff that I didn't cotton to when I was in school. Oh well.......
It was time to each some local jog graphy. You know: readin' about places, lookin' at maps, and all such shit.
Anyway, what are some of the high points of the TN/NC area? Tammy, the Redheaded Schoolteacher tended to wing things a mite on Mondays.
Well, she told them 'bout Thunderhead Mountain, splat dab on the line between Tennessee and North Carolina. Tennesseans call part of this feature Rocky Top, and it got sung about right nice by a whole buncha singers, like the bluegrass original by the Osborne Brothers. Give a listen:
Another thing there is the French Broad River. Named for the buxom lass that Delacroix immortalized in his famous painting. [She showed them the painting]....the squirts ooohed and ahhed.
'Her boobies are loose'.....'What's that flag she's toting?'......'Show us more, Miz Tammy!'
Then she told about the wonders of Asheville. It's a pert nice place with Biltmore called because the owner kept on addin' more on it. Anyway, ole Vanderbilt had a truckful a money and all his taste in his mouth. Flatland tourists, when they go to Asheville, figger to make an ashe of themselves.
And Asheville is in Buncombe County; named because they couldn't spell Bunkum at all.
A piece north of here is Blowing Rock, NC. This is a tourist trap and also a great place to make out when you get a bit older and wanna do them things.
The highest point of the Smokies in Clingman's Dome. And they added an observation tower on it. From there, it's strictly downhill into Tennessee into the twin tourist traps, Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge.
A bit northeast of them is Cocke County, Tennessee. Lotsa moonshinin' and meth goin' on there. I won't tell you how it got its name; but the wimmin are plumb happy about it. On the other hand, the natives look like forty miles of bad road.
And if you keep on going, you wind up smack dab in Knoxville. Sin City East. Not really; it's not that wicked at all. The UT dawg has more bark than bite to it. The river there is the Tennessee River; and it goes down into Alabama for a bit and goes up again through Tennessee to Kentucky.
And here's I-40, from Knoxville to Asheville. You can get to feelin' queasy by riding fast on it because it's so damned crooked. As crooked as the Tennessee Legislature and as stupid as ours.
But, if it's too much for you, you can just turn off and skinny-dip in a cool Smokies stream. There's a nice 'uns at the Elkmont and Cosby campgounds if you don't mind the tourists.