Mountain Outhouses and Cathouse Decorum

Quentin, traveling reporter from Gotham, was back in western North Carolina to report on hillbilly life especially in terms of the bathroom controversy. You know, the one with the infamous HB 2, where the state decreed that you must use the restroom in accord with the sex designated on your birth certificate.

Anyway, his slant on things was this: Do mountain businesses follow the state mandate with separate outhouses in accord with one's birth sex?

He was fortunate to find his old informants, Billy Bob and Bubba. They were working (much unlike them) to add additional compartments to the outhouse in back of Vance's Diner and Bar to satisfy the requirement of the law while accommodating new categories of people, like 'Female, but Curious" and "Don't Remember, but Too Embarrassed to Ask." Not to make fun of the issues or the people involved. Anyway, Ole Clyde Vance wanted to keep his customers happy. You know....

Actually, Ole Clyde simply told them, "Build numerous outhouses so they won't pee in the parking lot out front and smell it up."

So our guys built a double-decker outhouse for the various possibilities!

But while dialoguing with the good ole boys he discovered something else unexpected: the local cathouses had a dress code. The good ole boys in that neck of the woods, if they wanted some lovin' for hire, they would have to tuck their shirts in, comb their hair, shower, and not wear hats indoors.

Quentin expressed his surprise; but Billy Bob put it this way: "Well, honest workin' gals don't want no more of those rowdy New England Patriot fans to come in and mess up things. When they go slumming, they really let things go."

Billy Bob said it with a deadpan face; and Quentin swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. A New York City readership loves nothing more than a jibe at those pretentious Bostonians.