Monday, May 9, 2016

Nicknaming the Administrators

Doctor Dawson Winters was a Vice-President for Student Affairs at Western New York State University, a progressive university in the Empire State. In recent times, students at the University appeared restive; and he wanted to head off any possible friction or disorder on campus by minimizing the various since divisive elements. Unfortunately, since campuses were as heterogeneous as the larger society that they draw students from, this was not an easy task. 

Still, thank God there was no large numbers of protest songs played on the contemporary FM station; those from the 1970's were largely buried on the golden oldie station that played a lot of bubblegum music also.

But Dawson, bless his heart, fancied himself to be a proactive guy; despite being in his 50's, he saw himself as hip and cool and with it to the core! Now it was incumbent of him to persuade the students that he was to better relate to him. He conferred with his assistant, Dean of Students Chauncey Harfield, on how this should be accomplished. Actually, he more or less told poor Harfield what to do, and Harfield slavishly took notes and tried to accomplish this great Meeting of the Minds with the typical undergraduates of New York.

One idea they had was to host a Meet the Veep session; but only SGA types showed up and in small numbers.

Then Dean Harfield proposed that they advertise the next one as a pizza and cold soda session with the Veep; and had the cheerleaders serve as hostesses! Now attendance was better; it was just a matter of finding the right motivation. Damn, as a sociologist specializing in Community Organization, he should have realized that.

While the students were interacting with them and mostly eating pizza and swilling soda (as they call it in upstate NY), they held a free-wheeling rap session. Yes, they referred to it that way.

("Oh," VP Dawson thought, "This is going to work. Now let's see what kind of rapport we can make to better deal with student body problems.")

A student complained that the food service in the Student Union offered very bland choices. VP Dawson saw this as a concrete entry into the realm of student problems. If he could just earn good will by taking action promptly.

"Mister....your name, please? What sort of specific changes would you wish to see?"

"Hey Veep, my name's Bart. How about some tacos and Taylor ham as choices?"

"Okay, sounds good. Any other ideas? And please give your name so I can properly address you."

"My name is Tyler; and I think that we're too formal around WNYSU. We get addressed as 'Mister' or 'Miz' by profs; and we call them 'Doctor' or 'Professor.' Us Millennials are more informal than that. We need to get with the times around here.

"Okay, Tyler. That sounds good. Why don't you call me Dawson from now on. And everyone else is invited to call me Dawson. And you can also call the Dean 'Chauncey,' if you'd like."

Another student, definitely in the spirit of things, asked, "Why not give ole Chauncey the nickname 'Izzle?' 'Cause he is definitely the man!" 

The Veep was, 'My God! Somehow Chauncey made a larger hit with them than I did. Did I come on too strong, somehow?"

But then the student added, "And you can have the nickname 'Pizzle,' because you're definitely the one!" The other students applauded wildly!

So Vice-President Winters acquired the nickname Pizzle. He thought, "Won't my colleagues be envious of my newly-acquired rapport with students as signaled by my being granted a nickname through acclamation!"


Bilbo said...

I think I'll stick with "Bilbo."

Stephen T. McCarthy said...

I think women should just leave their breasts alone. The size you got is the size you keep. Deal with it. I know I will.

Yes, yes, it's true that for the vast majority of men, big is better and huge is best. But some of the women I've been most attracted to had small ones. ...OK, that's a lie. ...ALL of the women I've been most attracted to have had small ones. So there's THAT!

~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'

Brandi said...

Beware of students giving nicknames.

Cloudia said...

Acute slice of life, Angel!

Mike said...

...the next one as a pizza and cold... BEER! It should have been beer!

Linda Kay said...

Oh, do you come up with these dilemmas? Not sure I'd be happy with Pizzle as a nickname.

Duckbutt said...

That's a great story!

Hell Hound said...

Being nicknamed a bull's penis should have squelched him!

Gorilla Bananas said...

This is what happens when you try to hard to please students. I bet they ended up call him 'Shithead'.

Cherdo said...

Nicknames are a bit of a crapshoot. For most of my life, I've been known by nicknames rather than my real name. All my high school friends call me Mac and I answered to that till someone stuck Cherdo on me.

Pizzle...hmmmm...I guess it could have been worse.