Dealing with the Meth Lab Guys

Little tell-tale signs of corruption have even crept into the boondocks of Tennessee and North Carolina.  Whereas before the local miscreants were content to indulge in moonshining or occasionally shooting up highway signs, some riff-raff from the corrupt big cities of the Southeast made inroads into the peaceful mountain setting once more predictable in a gentler time.  Yes, some other illicit businesses got established: meth labs and prescription medicine suppliers, the new blight of the South.  About as welcome as a revival in a hard-drinking community like Tuscaloosa.*

So Bubba and Billy Bob looked with jaundiced eyes on the parvenu criminals.  However, being men of action, they decided to sashay over to the front porch and do some serious thinking in company with serious drinking.  Soon the Red-headed Schoolteacher got out of one of their beds, and joined them on the porch.  It was summer, and she liked her time off.  Hellfire, the kids and parents were plumb tiring!

On the subject itself that was bothering the boys, Billy Bob said that they oughta call the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation on the meth boys.  But The Schoolteacher demurred, saying that they were in North Carolina and those Tennesseeans don't know Jack somebody or other.**  Likewise, tipping the Fed narcs might result in too much nosiness into the doins' of the Appalachian region and hurt their own business.

So, why not a little subterfuge.  If there's no nothing to worry about, make something up!

So they happened to go into a tavern where the local hoods tended to favor, and talked about their new jobs.  Yes, they said that business was bad, so they got jobs with the State Board of Disease Control to help control a new brand of mosquito, the Fililou mosquito, which carried a virus that caused a lot of itching and those bitten to develop moobs!

One meth manufacturer asked, "What's that?"  And Bubba gestured with his hands around his chest.  He also said, "Ask that purty l'il lady over theah," pointing to the Redheaded Schoolteacher.  

She said, "Yeah, that dratted sickness gave me these (accentuating her ample chest); and it causes some people to play banjo music!"

The big city pill-pushers and meth-makers shuddered, knowing what might happen when you hear banjo music!***  And they left the county, back to dreadful places like Atlanta where they got to be the skerry ones! 

*Said to be a drinking city with a football problem.
**Supposedly, he's a good man to know.
***Does the movie Deliverance ring a bell?