Wednesday, July 1, 2015

A Juggalo for President

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

It seems that Presidential race has gone into a rabbit hole of weirdness, with some late entries having about as much chance as a snowball in Hell!  (That's a sno-cone to some heathens!)  Anyway, what's to be made about The Donald tossing his hat into the ring?  Maybe that he needs a good haircut, for starters.

Actually, I think it's some kind of Republican conspiracy (or a Great Right Wing Conspiracy, as Hillary would say).  It's a fiendish plan to make whoever is the ultimate Republican nominee look good by contrast.  Now the Republicans have several possibilities that it's hard to keep them straight.  There's the Fat Guy from Jersey, there's the personality-free one from Florida, there's Rand Paul, and whatever he's for, Somebody-or-other Rubio, I think, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, and others of this ilk.  Poor Bobby Jindal; the press has it in for him.

Against this the Democrats have the nonawesome and inevitable Hillary Clinton, who will make people pay big time if she doesn't get the nomination, and Bernie Sanders to provide comic relief and pretty cool concession speeches.  

Can things get any stranger?  Well, one of the parties could nominate a Juggalo for President!  Think of this: a candidate dressed like a clown, spraying Faygo all over the place, and shouting "Whoop, whoop!"  And Brian Williams will have a press assignment that he's up to.

Juggalos, for those like me unaware of them before (like me), are serious followers of the Insane Clown Posse, a group of musical idiots that even in my younger years thought was too over the top.  Juggalos dress up like psychopathic clowns* (is that redundant?), do drugs, shout "Whoop, whoop," and spray everyone with Faygo, a cheap beverage from Detroit.  Juggalettes, or their female followers, go in for similar excesses, including seminudity.  Some Juggalos allegedly are in criminal gangs, but others just take fandom to excess not ever conceived of by Deadheads or Swifties!

I must have led a sheltered life.  I never conceived of such horrors lurking in our culture!  But I'm disabused of that, seeing this clown car motley crew* all running for President!  Oh my God!  In less than two years, one of those will actually have the capability of launching a nuclear war!  

*I don't like clowns.  Don't send in the clowns.
**I mean this in a bipartisan way.  A pox on them all!



John A Hill said...

"...that even in my younger years..."
This made me smile, my young friend!

I realize that "younger" is a relative term, but all of your years are younger years, relatively speaking!

Thanks for the humorous post this morning. Have a grand July, Angel!

Bilbo said...

Well, the current crop of GOP candidates has been compared to the traditional circus clown car, so I guess that the Juggalo comparison is not too wide of the mark. Oy.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The number of humans with a clown phobia never ceases to amaze me! I worked with clowns in my circus days and kicked many of them in the seat of the pants. They were as as frightening as beach balls. Now Hilldog is much more scary, which is why I have given her my endorsement (in public).

allenwoodhaven said...

Juggalos are new to me. They do lend an apt comparison to the current crop. I fear your conspiracy theory is all too possible.

Mike said...

Well I found a few more "interesting" pictures of Juggalettes on the internet that I could be persuaded to vote for.

Cloudia said...

Ima hid under my bed!