Thursday, February 5, 2015

What About Wingnuts?

 Wingnut is a relatively new slur that recently entered the lexicon of political discourse; basically applied to someone equally of extreme left- or right-oriented views, as seen by the perceiver. Now this is nothing more than the extention of an ad hominem argument in political dialogue; it really generates some possible heat, a warm and squishy feeling of self-superiority on the part of the user, and nothing else. Sorry, folks; that's the way it is.

But one wonders how real wingnuts feel about this usage. Are they offended? And what are their political leanings, anyway?

Fearless, no-nonsense, big city reporter from New York Wilma Hastings did the ultimate preparation for interviewing on the street: she took a few tokes of that heathen killer weed before encountering the Great Unwashed. Hey, if you write for a newspaper catering to the uptown clientele, you have to make some sacrifices. So, after getting a good buzz on, the donned her urban sombrero to pass as an ordinary citizen and sallied forth!

Only there were no wingnuts in evidence. Wilma said, "My bad."

So she went into a hardware store, and found more likely candidates there. Big ones, little ones, wingnuts of color, wingnuts with rounded wings, those with squared wings, and so forth. You might say that she found a random sample of wingnuts; or at least a sample good enough for reporter work. Anyway, she saw no tinfoil hats in evidence. Curious.


Wilma Hastings: "Mr. Wingnut, what do you think of political extremists being referred to as 'wingnuts'?"

Big Wingnut: "I don't approve of that term. First of all, it's disrespectful to Wingnut-Americans. Secondly, very few metallic, hardware wingnuts hold to political extremes." 

Wilma: "Oh, and where do their political loyalties lie?"

Ms. Wingnut: "Well, 2% of wingnuts are Democrats, 1% are Republican, 22% are middle-of-the-road, and 75% are apolitical."

Wilma: "Well, what do you wingnuts do?

Tom Wingnut: "Oh, mostly we screw around and follow the Wichita Wingnuts minor league baseball team."





Wilma Hastings was a little disappointed at this. Her first thought was no story!

However, she re-thought things and came up with a new angle:

[Headline] WINGNUT-AMERICANS NEGLECT CIVIC DUTIES FOR SEX AND BASEBALL


10 comments:

John Hill said...

Sex and baseball?
You can count me in!
I am declaring myself to be a Wingnut-American!

Juliette said...

I could never fathom how name-calling could so easily substitute for reasoned arguments. Maybe television and memorable quips take its place.

Cloudia said...

"ad hominem argument in political dialogue; it really generates some possible heat, a warm and squishy feeling of self-superiority on the part of the user, and nothing else. Sorry, folks; that's the way it is."
All the idiots feel empowered by our idiot politics today

You are right on!


ALOHA from Honolulu
ComfortSpiral
<3




Mike said...

I had no idea there was a baseball team called the Wichita Wingnuts. Maybe the Washington Redskins could go to the hardware store and try and find a new mascot and team name. The Washington Washers?

Linda Kay said...

Angel, you find the funniest things to write about. Like Mike I had no idea there was a Washington Wingnuts team. Our reporter managed to put together a story with as much accuracy as some other articles I've read lately. Good job!

TexWisGirl said...

wingnuts, the mickey mouse ears of hardware.

Clarissa said...

An awesome piece! And TexWisGirl came up with a zinger too.

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Montgomery must be a hardware store. It has a lot of wingnuts.

Duckbutt said...

The Wichita Wingnuts were the AA baseball champions for 2014!

Bilbo said...

With all the hoopla over the Washington Redskins' team name being racist and insensitive, I think that we have surely found a great name to replace it. It's short, alliterative, meaningful, and I'm sure the Wichita team won't mind sharing.