Saturday, February 7, 2015

Signs of the Impending Apocalypse

According to the Mayans, the world was to come to an end on December 21, 2013.  It didn't.  But will this cataclysm be preceded by distinctive signs?  A random selection of New Orleans people offered some possibilities of these portents.

Al Gautreaux -- The President and the Republicans will manage to work out an effective budget agreement.

Officer O'Shaughnessy -- The streets in my neighborhood will suddenly get repaired.

Missy Chauvin -- CNN or Fox News will hire me to be one of their anchors, and I'll get a boob job.

Bat Guano Tom -- The Saints will win another Super Bowl!

The Prophetess Madeline -- Street corner preaching will be legal again.

Hizzonor, the Mayor -- We'll come under budget one year.

Prospective Tourist -- Hotel prices won't get jacked up for Mardi Gras.

N.O.P.D. Sergeant -- The fad of breast-flashing for Mardi Gras beads will finally come to an end.

Fish Seller at the French Market -- I'll catch a three pound crawfish.

Preacher Bob -- My ministry commission will finally come through.

Clotilde Badeaux -- Models, like nuns and nurses, get to ride the streetcar free.

Crazy Chester -- The Four Horsemen will ride horses from a claiming race; each went off at 20-1 or greater.

Tommy Tulane -- The Tulane Green Wave will finally defeat the L.S.U. Tigers in football.

West Bank Commuter -- The bridge will not have any traffic.

Suzette the Existential Stripper -- I'll headline the show at the Tipsy Tiger Lounge.

The "I Where You Got Your Shoes" Scam Artist -- I'll know the world will end when the I.R.S. starts sending out "thank you" letters to taxpayers for paying their taxes.

Hilda Walspurgis -- There will be a category 5 hurricane, or maybe OSU coming back again.

Apparently, there's some bad weed being sold in New Orleans, with Al and the Scam Artist being the primary suspected users.

The Avenging Angel moons the world.


Hell Hound said...

That's cheeky of the avenging angel to do that.

Linda Kay said...

Always fun, Angel....Maybe it will be when we can all sit down together as countries to settle our differences with a smile and no fighting.

The Bastard King of England said...

When those apocalypse signs comes we should bend over and kiss our butts goodbye. :)

Bill Buchanan said...

But will the Rapture and the Tribulation come?

TexWisGirl said...

i like the 'irs thank you letters' idea but i'd tell 'em to save the postage.

Mike said...

I'm heading to the Tipsy Tiger Lounge. When the end comes I want to go out with a smile on my face.

Anonymous said...

New Orleans must have an absence of theologians.

Anemone said...

It will be surely the Apocalypse if the Archangel Gabriel moons the world instead of blowing his horn.

bakku-shan said...

Getting a thank you note from the I.R.S. would be sort of sweet.

Bilbo said...

I like Anemone's idea.

Brian Miller said...

a three pound crawfish...not that would def stuff a gator tail...ha...good luck on that budget

Cloudia said...

when I was an existential stripper, I made lots of dollars with AC DC's Highway to Hell. Just wanted to keep the vibe going from the Grammy's :-)