Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Dating or Hanging Out While at a University

One of the sad realities of university life is the typical dormitory on the weekend: how many students are languishing in their rooms rather than going out and having fun, meeting members of the opposite sex, or so forth?  Or people of their own sex, if they are so inclined.

Some of this is due to their being socially unskilled, some of it is due to shyness, some of it is due to adherence of old-fashioned rules of dating or acquaintance formation,  and in a few cases it is due to not comporting yourself well.

Writing from only one-half of the equation: the female half, I can say that many guys are positively clueless about women.  And a small percentage may actually handicap themselves.  Using cheesy pick-up lines or trying to steal second too soon are definite no-nos that you should have learned as high school sophomores.  Right?  And no one makes a good impression with slurred speech or projectile vomiting.  So use alcohol in moderation, if at all.

But get out where people are.  Hanging out in coffee shops or group hangouts allows for better circulation.  Going into a place where people are already present as couples results in the feeling of being a spare tire. 

Singles' bars?  Maybe . . . . as long as you don't go with a group.  A guy might be interested in you; but may hesitate to approach if you are at a table with six other girls!  Don't make him feel vulnerable or that he will be evaluated by a critical group when he approaches.

Social clubs are good; church-affiliated social clubs are okay for the previously committed; but you can expect a large ration of Hallelujah! 

I find that athletic events are a good place.  Both guys and girls can go there alone; and there's a ready-made topic for easy conversation.  It gets you past the first hurdle: finding something to talk about.  So, for that matter, classes.  It's so easy to ask if the person of interest would like to continue the chat over a Coke or coffee afterwards.  And ladies, it's really okay to ask him!

Try some participant activity such playing pool, ping-pong, or tennis.  There is sure to be some guy who is willing to help you in developing that skill.  I prefer pool.  They're willing to show you how to break, or deal with carom shots, or so forth.

What about fraternities and sororities?  Membership in those groups can be costly; and you have to swallow a lot of pressure from other members, especially those higher in the hierarchy.  And sometimes put up with certain forms of conduct that you might not approve.  Actually, the Greek system does seem to grease the tracks when it comes to meeting men or women; but in a circumscribed way: they meet mostly other Greeks and some houses may actually penalize members for dating independents!

Don't be fooled by stale stereotypes regarding appearances.  As Ogden Nash once wrote:

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."

Some guys are put off by hair styles: the library lady bun, the buzz cut, cornrows, puppy dog ears, or so forth.  Or hair colors.  For that matter, ladies: don't write off guys with dorky haircuts; fine points of appearance may not be in their radar at that time.

Read my lips:  Because she's blonde does not make her easy.  And gingers are not especially hot-tempered.

Geeks and nerds are okay.  Just stay away from anyone that registers dubious or dangerous to you.  You may not know exactly why you get those feelings, but they might be justified.

And learn to decipher certain possible signs of interest: the hair-flip, the lingering touch, the slightly-longer-than-usual stare, and so forth.  These may be conscious ploys, or they may occur unconsciously.


John Hill said...

Socially awkward around pretty women?
I still am!

Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

Using cheesy pickup lines results in the user being perceived as a buffoon.

Linda Kay said...

Some great advice, Angel. So many struggle with social skills, and the bar is definitely not the place to find a guy. I was introduced to my hubby by a girlfriend I trusted.

Mike said...

Social clues? Way over my head.

Brandi said...

That's pretty much as it is a Jax State.

Grand Crapaud said...

A major truth at state universities: a good percentage of the students go home on weekends if there's no football game.

Cloudia said...

Excellent and well written article that should be submitted to magazines and websites! (WIKI HOW) You construct with sentences that MEAN something. You GO somewhere. You have flow and a Voice [really impossible to teach, learn, or acquire if you have no there, THERE].

Thanks for justifying again the excitement I've had out of meeting you as a new-ish blog pal. You have smarts, talent, NO pretension. . . .
You GO Angel! (Ignore haters, power types, and emotional cripples!)

ALOHA from Honolulu

Deena said...

"church-affiliated social clubs are okay for the previously committed; but you can expect a large ration of Hallelujah!" - wow!

Atomic Dog said...

Good advice, with some archness.

Insane Penguin said...

Interesting advice for wallflowers.

Bilbo said...

Dancing - particularly ballroom dancing - is a great way to meet people. For men, it's what we in the Air Force call a "target-rich environment," because more women than men are likely to take dance lessons on their own, and there are usually more unattached women than men at dance events. And I speak from personal experience when I say that a man who knows how to dance will NEVER lack for feminine attention!