Thursday, July 1, 2010

Sumo Wrestling as a Mate Selection Strategy

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
-- Jane Austen

I'll admit vaguely to being of nubile age, and thus in the potential wife category.  Also, I'm mindful that Sigmund Freud once asked, "What do women want?'  To which the general answer must be: more than we're likely to get.   In other words, we tend not to be easily satisfied.  Well, us primates of the feminine categorydo have experience in comparison shopping.

We have a laundry list of what might make a good husband

.  Here's mine: he must be handsome, kind, ambitious, sincere, work hard, have a nice sense of humor, think I'm sexy and beautiful, generous, loves children, loves pets, make a good income, and be of high social status.  He must behave well, and dance well.

Oh, yes, he must be musically or artistically inclined.   And of the same religious belief as me.
 And be equally lukewarm about it.  And I have a few more . . . .

You get the point.

And remember the subplot of Portia from The Merchant of Venice?  Or Atalanta and the golden apples?  These were ladies who played hardball in mate selection.

But, as someone trained in evolutionary psychology, I feel that we should consider what other species do.  Yes.  Consider this one: the gladiator frog.

The female gladiator frog does the mate selection.  She tests potential mates by bumping forcefully into likely ones.  If she dislodges one or, especially if he runs off, he's history as far as she is concerned.  On the other hand, if she bumps into him and he doesn't budge, or at least much, then he is chosen!

There is an advantage to selecting such males: they tend to be stronger, healthier, of better genetic stock, and more able to defend the froggy couple's clutch of eggs.  We're talking primo dad material!

So, this is my idea: anyone that asks to marry me should agree to sumo wrestle me. We go into the ring, and I try to bump him out.  If I can, he's a loser.  If I can't, he gets to marry me.

I weigh 115 pounds, and am slenderly built. If I can dislodge someone, his Wimp Quotient is very high.

By the way, I don't plan to wear a sumo costume, but be more conventionally dressed in exercise clothes.  Choosing a mate is a semi-serious concern; not one to let it all hang out on!  After all, one should look nubile, not skanky.

No comments: