Sunday, July 4, 2010

Bikini Creep

Finding the right swimsuit is a task of heroic dimensions: there's such a range of styles, colors, patterns, accessories, and the ways that they fit. At first, you are in a serious search for the Platonic Ideal of swimsuits; after a while, reality enters in like a party-crasher at an afternoon tea!

A problem is that the swimsuit that you try on in the store may look so perfect, but in its natural habitat some obvious flaws begin to come out.  For example, there's the consequence of having been in cold water.  And the effects of sand or chlorine can be manifest after a while.  Having your swimsuit go from iridescent blue to a bluish gray tells you something: too much chlorine in the pool!  And sand can have an abrasive effect, as you can experience firsthand.  Please, oh please! Don't get sand down there

 It happened to me! I appeared in a shot from the rear at the beach, but with my head turned to the right so that I was not especially anonymous.  The photograph revealed it all. I was unmistakably showing about an inch or two of crack!  And this was unedited.

I learned then that I could deal with embarassment.
Arrrgh! There is the existential horror that the nicely contained bottom that you have started with being demurely covered by your swimsuit has now gone askew and you're revealing more than you wish!  This, unfortunately, is a consequence of sitting or exercising, but casual strangers may interpret it as a sign of universal carelessness or even moral turpitude.  And what can be worse?  Getting sand in the bottoms! There's no supercool way of easing the problem!  Can you slightly pull your suit away from your body, and rinse the offending residue away but also possibly give observers more of a view than they legitimately warrant?  And what about ride-up?  Suddenly you seem to have joined the plumbers' union, or have turned more of the other cheek than Jesus had suggested.


Big Sky Heidi said...

I know just what you mean! It upsets me to show crack or cheek!

Anonymous said...

Hell, give 'em a view! It's only hiney cheeks.