Thursday, June 17, 2010

Strategies for Coping with the Kissing Deficit

CNN, in an instance of hard-hitting journalism a few years ago, submitted a report that made the following points:

1.  A Study found that bad kissing can doom a relationship.
2.  Research indicates that men kiss to get sexual access.
3.  Women kiss as mate-assessment technique
4.  From the kisser's point of view, an accidental kiss better than a planned kiss for achieving his or her objectives.

Now we've all had those awkward moments: the moment of truth at the end of a first date.  Will he or won't he try; with accompanied anticipation or dread of the moment.  Sometimes this is followed by the requisite disappointment.  The writer of the CNN article went into further detail, providing a typology of bad kissers that would include the Lizard, the Washing Machine, the Cannibal, and the Spelunker.  It doesn't take much effort to understand how these kissers are unsatisfactory.

But, hey!  We're  Americans (or Canadians)!  And we tend to take names, kick butt, or at least DEAL with the problem on hand.  And the universities, quick on the mark to fund full professors and deans in the opulent lifestyle to which they are accustomed, have developed a mechanism for riding the surf of public interest and the momentary Zeitgeist.

America cries out for better kissing.  Obviously, loser guys are motivated to improve because doing so their potential mating value.  And, as a possible kissee, I would like to encounter more finesse in this mate assessment activity.  So here's my proposal:  enterprising universities could teach Improving Your Kisses or Elementary Kissing as Continuing Education offering.  Or, even better, as a full-fledged course.

Hey, we're on a roll now.  Charge a substantial lab fee in the process. 

There's a bonus.  The professors teaching this class should not have to worry about class attendance.

Exams?  I think you can figure out who would do the grading.  Yes, graduate students!  I figure that if a callow freshman can warm up a tired, overworked, stressed 25-year-old graduate student with a kiss, that was an A-level performance!


Anonymous said...

Can I be an instructor?

Big Sky Heidi said...

I think that the early stages of a relationship provides teachable moment opportunities. I don't think that bad kissers should be just written off, but maybe helped to do it better. I recommend doing so; after all, how do they get better at it afterwards?

I'm pleased to say that most Western guys don't have this problem!

Big Sky Heidi said...

Consider a poorly-kissing guy to e one in need of a teachable moment. He's in his rookie season, and just needs to learn technique.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

I agree with you -- some guys just need a little coaching in technique. Just so they don't go immediately into the hands-on stage without preliminaries,

Anemone said...

I think that this should be a required P.E. course!