Perceptions of Locus of Women's Academic Performance

While doing internet-based research, I stumbled on this curious article:
http://www.prweb.com/releases/2006/2/prweb349458.htm

Basically, respondents provided photos and self-reports to WhatsMyImage.com. Then perfect strangers made guesses about certain aspects of their lives, such as academic performance, sexual experience and others.

Women and men were perceived to be about as smart. An interesting finding, however, was a statistically significant correlation between female bra size and perceived GPA. On average, these strangers guessed that "A-cup" students earned GPAs that were about 0.1 points higher than "B-cup" or "C-cup" students, and 0.3 points higher than those with "D-cup" students.  That's almost a third of a letter grade!

Some cautions in interpretation should be exercised here:

1. These data are correlative, and do not necessarily imply a causal linkage.
2. If there happens to be a causal linkage, in what direction does it go? Does being dumb give you bigger breasts in turn, or do bigger breasts make you less smart?

3. Could the phenomenon of many women getting breast augmentation surgery provide "noise" contanimating the results? Specifically, could those who chose to have breast enhancement surgery are also more likely to be poorer students because their interests are elsewhere?

4. Obviously, and very importantly, this result is based on peoples' opinions affected by limited data that they were provided in WhatsMyImage.com. The problem with human perceptions is that they are not always accurate. Indeed, these may reflect inaccurate stereotypes and there may not be any relationship between bra size and Grade Point Average.

5.  However, we may be able to mention an advantage to having small breasts besides wearing a bra being optional and not having to worry about loss of perkiness: people tend to think you're smarter!

Why Some Hoaxes Catch On

In the absence of facts, people are open to some strange beliefs or misinformation.

As odd as it might sound, there are the recurrent stories that predict the eventual extinction of blondes or redheads.  As a matter of fact, one of these was BBC_News, which predicted that blondes would be extinct in 200 years, with the last natural blonde being born in Finland.  Probably, this was due to some people not really understanding the persistence of recessive characters over extended numbers of generations.

Fairly recently, a news item came out that said that the North Dakota legislature recently enacted a ban on string  underwear.  The sources for this did not specify whether it was only thongs that were banned; or were string bikinis also included.  Now, I assume that North Dakotan women (or guys, for that matter) are not often purchasers of such insubstantial lingerie; and that seemed to be a very unlikely place for this to be seen as a problem, much one requiring a legislative remedy.*  It is true that several specific states, even Florida, have ordinances forbidding the wearing of thong swimwear; but nowhere does this apply to undies.  [There was at least one school forbidding said garments by girls, together with an inspection of contraband[!]; and, as usual, the school managed to look petty in doing so.]

Anyway, most people know nothing of North Dakota, other than it's a red state, fairly religious and Republican, underpopulated, and numbingly cold!  In the absence of facts, red herrings can be found on occasion.  This was apparently an April Fool's joke set up early.

There was an old story of a cemetery in Montana where a tombstone had an ATM built in.  Said device had been placed there by the deceased to guarantee that family members would visit his grave to be able to withdraw $300 per visit.  Not true; but a nice story.

In my opinion, in order for a hoax to be successful, it must be on a limited bed of facts; and there must be a willingness on the part of some people to believe outlandish stories that emerge from those places.  Let's face it: states like Montana and Idaho rarely make the national news, which emphasizes the two coasts and Chicago.  And, if you take some esoterica out of context and broadly extend its meaning, you can get the groundwork for a good hoax.

Here's a possible example.  A college in Iowa stages Lysistrata, a play in which sometimes the male chorus may wear leather phalluses.  The story gets extended: Phallic worship and rituals are widely practiced in the Hawkeye State!  Nope, any more than eccentric farmers erect baseball stadia in cornfields.

But if the story is juicy, so much the better for it to take hold in the popular imagination!

Sometimes there are unexplained events, like overlarge footprints found in a swamp.  This can lead to the rumor of the Honey Island Swamp Monster!

Obviously, we can also infer that, in the absence of widespread knowledge of early French and Medieval history, books like Holy Blood, Holy Grail might catch on, and spawn novels as well.

And, sometimes, the unexpected surprise comes true, as in the case of the coelacanth.

*Just to be safe, I might purchase several pairs of granny panties if I ever visit North Dakota, not wishing to be apprehended by the Underwear Squad and having a rap sheet that includes wearing bikini underwear!
 

Not a thong; but a lovely pattern and trim.

The Heart of Darkness

The Heart of Darkness was a famous novella by Joseph Conrad.  It raises some disturbing questions about human nature and relationships.  In it, Kurtz, originally intending to do good in the Congo, becomes cruel and monsterous in his treatment of the natives.  He ultimately dies; and his final words are "The horror!  The horror!"  Years later, they made it into a movie entitled "Apocalypse Now," starring Marlon Brando and Martin Sheen.

 

Neither the book nor the movie are exactly light-hearted, if you know what I mean.  And I suspect that the location of this heart of darkness in Conrad's book was internal in Kurtz, rather than geographical.

 

John Kennedy Toole wrote his outrageous comic novel A Confederacy of Dunces in the 1960's.  In this work, the protagonist Ignatius O'Reilly described his going to Baton Rouge as going into the Heart of Darkness.  Someone stole his hat with the ear flaps on that trip, which convinced him of the perils of travel to dangerous places.  Actually, Baton Rouge is a pretty nice city with more to offer than Alexandria or Shreveport or Monroe.  
 

But I think that The Heart of Darkness is potentially different for everyone.  I see it as Washington or L.A.  Where do you place yours? 

 

Buttocks Décolletage

Buttocks décolletage refers to a fashion in which the person deliberately wears her jeans or other clothing short or low enough to expose the upper part of the nether cheeks and crack.  This can occasionally be done either by males or females; and usually the person provides this exposure deliberately.  However, some plumbers may not be so aware.  The general consensus of buttocks décolletage is to tolerate it if done by plumbers, as this is should be considered an occupational perequisite.

Usage example: "The dress Wendy tried on allowed too much buttocks décolletage, even for the Gulf Coast beach hangouts."

On the other hand, there is a Biblical argument in favor of buttocks décolletage:  "Turn the other cheek."  I'm sure that this would be persuasive to preachers in the western part of North Carolina where such sights are not unheard of.

However, a few communities have passed ordinances against young men wearing their pants so low as to display their undies.  The thrust of these ordinances seems to be more esthetically- rather than modesty-driven, as the undershorts cover the nether parts in question.  I wonder if this is a peculiar form of sex discrimination directed towards males.

The Science of One-Night Stands

I think that it's no surprise that beginning a budding relationship with going to bed on the first occasion is not an effective strategy for long-term mating (i.e., one that is marked by a marriage ceremony eventually), although some may regard this as a short-term mating strategy to be selectively used.

Years ago, a group of researchers from Florida found, to nobody's surprise, that men were less selective than women.  Young men and women were asked to approach people that they considered attractive enough to mate with and ask them (a) for a date; (b) to visit the asker's apartment; or (c) to mate with.  Only 3% of women agreed to the apartment visit; and none agreed to have sex.  The men respondents, on  the other hand, agreed to have sex with 75% of the women invitees, no matter their perceived attractiveness.

Reading further into what's available about one-night stands, two different reports indicated that Australian women or Norwegian women were most likely to have one-night stands. 

Researcher Anne Campbell of Durham University found that among 3,300 respondents between the ages of 17 and 40, more than half reported a one-night stand, about evenly split between men and women. Overall women's morning-after feelings were more negative than men's. While 80 percent of men had overall positive feelings, just 54 percent of women had positive feelings.
 
Women predominantly reported "regret at being used," with additional comments including: "I felt cheap," "horrified afterward," and "I felt degraded. Made myself look cheap and easy."  Apparently, they did not take into account the fact that guys' standards drop dramatically when it comes to an opportunity for easy sex.

In general, women are not well-adapted to a short-term mating strategy.  However, they might be more disposed to this during the peak of their menstrual cycles.  In general, they have too much more to lose.

[Pro tip: if you're unmarried and don't want a bambino, better stay home than go out looking to meet guys with this approach.  Or, even better, follow the old-fashioned Baseball Rule: second base only after the fifth occasion, etc.]

My point is that there are some bona fide reasons for the courtship rituals, whatever form they might take from culture to culture.  They allow for a couple to sort out whether or not they want a long-term relationship, or whether they're just responding to hormones.  It may be useful, too, for a graduated increase in the type and tempo of affections to serve to the man that his attempts are well-received, and that he is not just simply spinning his wheels.

Now after my pontificating, a little joke:

 John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. 

"I want to get weighed," said the girl.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple  went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, John again asked  Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.

The  couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.

 "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

Melinda Learns to Tell the Real from the Fake

While Cowgirl Melinda was having coffee with some other girls (women, if you prefer), one of the group made a comment regarding someone at another table:  "Will you look at her; surely she has fake [breasts].*

Immediately, some others in the group joined in with their appraisals; pretty well in agreement with the first comment.  This confused our girl, who was totally clueless as to how they derived their conclusions.

So, in total naiveity, she asked.  And got several plausible reasons.

1.  The other girl had outsized breasts that seemed larger in proportion to her slim body;

2.  She was wearing form-fitting clothes;

3.  Her breasts were "too perfect:" they were cantaloupe-shaped rather than pear-shaped.

4.  They were positioned relatively high on her chest.

Melinda then queried, "Why don't you ask her if they're real or store-bought?"  And immediately became aware of the fallacy of that approach.

Later on, while back in the bunkhouse, Cowgirl Melinda decided to test that hypothesis.  Taking off her denim jacket and Western shirt, she donned a baby tee.  And checked herself over.

"Those bitches don't know what they're talking about," Melinda exclaimed!"

Smitty, who happened in at that moment, asked, "What bitches?"

"Oh, just the usual loudmouthed variety."

"You must have been in Ten Sleep today, Melinda."

*My substitution for the dysphemism that was actually used, which Cowgirl Melinda would never use.

Stuff in the Newspapers

When the Times-Picyaune was full strength years ago, some of the devout would post an ad in the personal section of the paper that would thank some saint for a supposed blessing:

"Thanks to St. Jude for favor granted."

"Thanks to St. Rose of Lima, St. Anthony, and the Infant of Prague for curing Mama from her illness.

"Thanks for answering my prayers, St. Thomas."

"Thanks to St. Joseph for helping sell my house."

"To St. Anthony, St. Expedite and St. Jude, I ask for forgiveness and Thank you for answering my request. I pray that you will always be with me. Your Humble Servant. G.T."

And others.  These were interspersed with the usual ones:

"I am applying for clemency."

"I am no longer responsible for any debts other than my own."

"I am applying for a license as a public notary."

"I am applying for divorce from that unfaithful hussy Mary Beth ______.  Second notice."  Apparently, this is a sad counterpart to the banns of marriage listed in church bulletins.

Anyway, thanking the saints still occurs; but less often.  Apparently, the Heavenly Throng has moved on to the Baton Rouge Advocate or even the Washington Post.

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Also, I have read that some changes have occurred in obituaries.  At one time, those generated by funeral parlors baldly stated that the deceased "died."  Apparently, in more recent times, the softer side of obits has crept in: 

"So-and-so has departed this life."

"She has gone to be with her LORD."

"He passed away after an untimely illness."

"He is among the Blessed in Heaven."

[Note: in funeral parlor usage, when in doubt, capitalize!]

I suppose it was better than sometimes in the 19th century when reporting accuracy trumped sentiment:

"Jack Slade was hung for being a general road agent and pain in the ass."

But some obituaries make reference to the individual's place in an afterlife, despite an absence of documented evidence.  Or, maybe the Times-Picyaune and the undertakers have sources that we are unaware of.

But, after all, Cher recently did the same with regard to Sonny Bono's status!

Who knows, maybe the millenials will reverse things, and come up with obituaries containing something like the following:

"Richard L________ bought the farm yesterday."

"Heather M________ went tits up on Oct. 7, 2032."

"Megan S_______ bit the dust on Nov. 1, 2056.

"Bradley ________ kicked the bucket yesterday."