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The recurrent circus that passes for Italian politics is beyond understanding, but it must be at least entertaining for the seekers of la dolce vita! Silvio Berlusconi, whatever his merits or otherwise, gives reliable fodder to both the respectable and disreputible journals of said country. And he manages to surround himself with beautiful women that serve to stuff the magazines with photo ops! And so it is with the politics of other countries, save possibly Germany and England.
And it seems to work! After all, Silvio seems to come back, like some character from an Arnie movie! No hasta la vista, Baby for him!
I think that he manages because of entertainment value. After all, didn't a recent French head of state manage to solidify his position by marrying a beautiful Italian actress? Maybe American politicians should take a page from Silvio's playbook.
Consider our recent major players in politics, Presidential and otherwise. They uniformly projected an image of oppressive rectitude, like the Puritan Fathers had some 350 years ago. At least we don't burn witches nowadays; they're even feted in California.
Well, not entirely true. Sometimes playmates of politicians come to surface, but largely at the hands of investigative reporters. But, after the initial excitement of the disclosure, there comes a lingering sense of disappointment. Didn't some people wonder after some disclosures about a former President, "Hey, couldn't he have done better than that?"
Basically, it's because our major politicians don't have much experience in mistress selection. And also because running for political office seems to be a full-time job! However, I have a solution to this problem: a specifically American solution:
Assign the task to a committee!
Obviously, this committee might be staffed by representatives in whatever constitutency might be involved. If we're talking the Presidency, we should make it bipartisan, maybe the House majority and minority members, a Supreme Court justice or two, and toss in a few media pundits. It makes them feel important and it sweetens the media deal. Besides, we can't have our President at a image disadvantage when it comes to functioning on the world stage!
In the case of political candidates, it makes good sense to balance the committee so as tap the maximum impact when the word gets out.
And, who knows, when we eventually elect a woman to the Presidency, she can have a First Dude!
"It is an unavoidable truth that some girls' personal names seem more suggestive of the ecydasist trade than others: the typical stripper is more likely to be named Crystal or Roxie or Candy or Brandy; less often yclept Elizabeth or Wilma or Madison or Clara. I'm Suzette; and like many successful strippers, I have a gimmick. It is a well-established fact that the most successful stripper's gimmicks are those that force the members of the audience to think, and not just simply what I would be like under the sheets.
I'm celibate by choice, by the way. I feel that it gives me a mojo boost to help me in my search for truth and meaning.
You see, I'm really into this 'making people think' thing, and consider my art as the proper vehicle for doing so. Yes, watching someone artfully strip can be an occasion for thought. No, I'm not talking about lustful thoughts, I'm talking about thinking about the very fundamental questions of human existence. Part of my art is subverting expectations.
What you see up front is a large ta-taed honey that you think will take off her clothes until she is altogether in the altogether. But there is an underlying agenda. I show my audience how to discard the everyday humdrumness and to focus on the reality as it is of human existence. After all, existence precedes essence, and nudity is the ultimate truth. A naked person cannot lie. My goal is to deliberately confront them with the transitoriness of everyday life that we choose to ignore and to deliberately question the point of their existence. This is what makes me the 'existential stripper.'"
"Suzette, do you perform in costume or use props?"
"Yes, sometimes I perform while using handcuffs on a member of the audience while I give him a lap dance; but this gimmick has limited possibilties. Lately, I have been dressing as an owl. This is in part in homage of Goya's etching El sueño de la razón produce monstruos, partly from Pauline Réage's The Story of O, and lastly because I stress that the audience should give a hoot! Existential lessons require copious props; but I'm sure that Jean-Paul Sartre would have approved.
Today is my third blogoversary. Thanks for following my blog, or visiting, dear friends! Hopefull, I have been able to entertain or amuse you and brighten your day. Best of everything!! XXXX!!!!
-- Angel
I love the style of dirndl dresses so commonly associated with women in Bavaria and Austria. They seem so feminine, romantic, festive, and charming! Basically, the full dirndl consists of a bodice, white blouse, skirt, and apron. You can, if you wish, wear the skirt in long, medium, or shorter styles (some traditionalists might take exception to this last choice). The blouse can employ a little décollété, if you wish. But don't be tacky!
The bodice can be brightly colored or patterned, and is often ornate.
The dirndl fashion is most consistently associated with rural, traditional, often conservative dress. Maybe the Republican Party can encourage the style as appealing to the modern outlook. However, it is also commonly adopted by waitresses in bierhauses. This might be a perfect choice of ensemble to wear for a job interview in certain settings.
Unfortunately, urban North Carolina does not provide much of a setting for the wearing of a dirndl dress; and if I were to wear one, people might expect me to serve them a mug of beer or sing Edelweiss.
Fashionistas, disappointed men, and sociologists have long wondered about the persistence of granny panties in these days and times. Somehow, it seems counterintuitive: why would women wear such undergarments unless limited selection or other reason such as belonging to a cult that prescribes particular undergarments for its members to wear?
Well, some feminists had something to say about that. Granny panties, as large, unsexy feminine nether underwear is called nowadays, is often deliberately worn by them as a reproof to the sexy underthing purveyors; in effect, they adopted this garb for its message, "No, we will not be sex objects under our clothes!"
Strangely enough, there was an historical antecedent for these modern-day feminists advocating women wearing granny panties. Amelia Bloomer, a 19th century feminist, advocated clothing reform for women. Now at that time, well-to-do women wore very cumbersome clothing: whalebone corsets, numerous petticoats, crinoline skirts, and so on and so forth. It had two singular effects on the wearer. They were terribly hot to wear. Also, they made it very hard for her to participate in various activities! Amelia Bloomer advocated that women substitute pantaloons for the cumbersome skirts and petticoats, an innovation that was considered shocking at the time. Few women went along with this garment, as it was viewed as immodest. The women's pantaloons were known popularly then as bloomers.
And we must respect the single guys' point of view and their fantasies. Having been exposed to the display window of Victoria's Secret and other undie emporiums for a long time now, they must think that all young, lithe pony-tailed women that they see at the mall or in the workplace go around wearing teeny bikini panties or thongs under their jeans! Married guys know better.
But why do granny panties persist? Because they're comfortable! Thongs, in particular, are not! As a matter of fact, single women with possibly prospects are entirely schizophrenic when it comes to underwear selection: They wear granny panties during the week, and reserve their briefer, more colorful and exotic confections for those weekends when they might go out!
Therefore, if you see a young woman wearing jeans, remember this stark statistic: 70% of the time she is likely to be wearing granny panties underneath! And remember this also, she is in a much sweeter mood for doing so!
Ain't America great? A woman can wear, or not wear, any underwear that she chooses!
However, a demurral comes from that home of the Nanny State, California. Supposedly, several bills would be introduced in the Assembly during the next term placing a substantial granny panties surcharge whenever one is purchased by of for someone who cannot produce sufficent proof that she is a bona-fide, card-carrying grandmother. This was strictly viewed as a revenue-generating initiative. Like, sure.
Thus granny panties will become regulated by the Nanny State.
Recently, some North Carolina legislators sponsored a bill that would establish an official state religion. After a few days of this hanging in the air, Speaker Thom Tillis (R-Charlotte) killed it deader than a mackerel. Now this is Exhibit A of what not to do when legislating official state symbols. It was probably unconstitutional, and it was sure to piss a number of people off plus garner unwanted negative press. Bad doggie!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/04/state-religion-bill-north-carolina_n_3016154.html
You can look at the penchant each of the fifty states have for adopting Official State ___________ (fill in category) as a time-wasting, foolish exercise, or you can benignly look upon it as an occasion for the various factions and political parties to have a love feast now and then. Typically, legislative acts that specify the official state whatevers are non-controversial. Passing one gives all involved a minor feel-good moment, and it counters any criticism of them as do-nothing or being hopelessly deadlocked.
And the sponsoring legislators can go back to their home district and brag that they got legislation passed that made the New York Finger to be the official state bird of the Empire State!*
There is a little problem, though. Many categories of Official State Whatevers have been filled; in a few cases. overabundantly. Tennessee, for example, has seven State Songs, so they pretty well saturated this category. And a number of states have the same State Bird, betokening a dismal lack of imagination. Multiple states have adopted Cardinals (7) and Mockingbirds (6) as state birds, though Kentucky makes their's the Kentucky Cardinal. What is the species difference? Perhaps a predeliction for mint juleps.
http://www.statesymbolsusa.org/index.html
Clearly, new categories of state symbols may provide fertile ground for this type of feel-good legislation. Certainly New Mexico pioneered this by coming up with an Official State Necktie (Bolo), though I have never seen anyone actually wear one. Perhaps this would be novel wear for a prom or a Mardi Gras ball. Honorable mention should be given to Maryland's Official State Sport: Jousting. Well, they're ready for Agincourt re-enactments; but the Orioles and the Ravens need more encouragement.
Part of the attraction for passing these outlandish legislations is that it generates a lot of publicity for the state and the sponsoring legislators. For this reason, an unimaginative state like Ohio might make a Official State Invasive Plant with nary a notice in USA Today, or a miscellany comment on a television news program or PBS which people almost never watch anyway. No, the way to do these Official State Things nowadays is to go over the top. Here's a few possible ideas:
Official State Bikini Top Color: UNC Powder Blue
Official State Weed: Marijuana
Official State Junk Food: Cheetos
Official State Footwear: Fuck-Me Shoes
Official State Hot Air Source: Politicians
Official State Plus-Size Dress Color: Manatee Gray from Target
Official State Dog: Meth Lab
Official State Worm: Nematode
Official State Pork Barrel Project: The Bridge to God Knows Where
Official State Curmudgeon: Oscar the Grouch
Official State Recreational Activity: Strip Poker
Official State Musical Instrument: The Kazoo.
Official State Protective Gear: The Jock Strap
Official State Wrapping Material: UNC Duct Tape
Official State Health Food: The Corndog
Official State Obsession: Basketball
Anyway, I hope you get the idea. You can imagine the impact:
1. People in other states will ask, "Is this real?" or "WTF?"
2. They will immediately envy your state for having such a cool state whatever.
3. The folks back home will be proud and re-elect you and invite you to speak at high school graduations if you sponsored the bill.
4. Tourists will flock, hoping to see some examples of your state's whatever. Well, maybe not the jock strap.
Is this a cunning idea whose time has come? A linguist I consulted said so.
*Here's an idea for New York legislators.
"A tie is like kissing your sister." - Eddie Erdelatz, Head Football Coach, U.S. Naval Academy, 1953. This same coach also coined the expression, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
Anyway, this statement has been variously attributed to Bear Bryant, Duffy Daughtery, Woody Hayes, Darryl Royal, and other old timey football coaches from olden days when they still wore leather helmets. Nowadays, football, basketball, and baseball are all played until someone wins. However, it has been most definitely attributed to Erdelatz.
As a sister to two brothers, I'm somewhat confused about this concept. Is sister-kissing a common practice among football players? What about those who don't have sisters? Should they be content to kiss their cousins?
[Here is a little example of possible superiority of French: it distinguishes cousin (M) from cousine (F), just like it distinguishes "copain" (male pal) from "copine" (female pal).]
There's a further permutation of the "sister-kissing simile" -- "If a tie is like kissing your sister, then losing is like kissing your brother." -- Lou Holtz
And, to the point, has this concept ever been tested experimentally?
I can imagine a hypothetical experiment, in which participants each kiss two persons: one of their sisters, and an approximately age-similar unrelated female. After each osculation, they are to rate it as to its hedonic value (how pleasurable it is). In the interests of good experimental design, half of the participants should kiss their sisters first; the other half kiss the unrelated female first. This would tease out any possible order effect as a confounding factor.
But let's look at this from the feminine perspective, shall we? With Title IX, numerous girls participate in sports, including soccer. A feature of soccer is that matches sometimes do end in a tie. Even a scoreless tie, to the acute disappointment to the score-addicted Americans. Has any girl ever described that possible outcome as: "A tie is like kissing your brother?" I think it is very apropos.
Hopefully, any brotherly kiss will be with little or no passion or body contact, like air-kissing is done in the uptown set.
A rather Machiavellian yet effective means of increasing revenue by government entities is to discover what people desire or like to do, and tax it.
Michael Faraday was once asked by William Gladstone about the practical value of electricity. His response was, "One day, sir, you may tax it."
Since our Federal and state governments seem to have perennial cash flow problems coupled with increased desires to spend money, maybe they can offset it by creative taxes. And some of these should be especially easy to pass in legislatures if it affects only a small set of the population.
Sort of divide and conquer. Not a bad approach.
Anyway, here's some ideas:
1. A tax on do-rags. Now I don't know what possesses otherwise grown men to affect the appearance of pirates, but they might adopt tricornered hats instead if this tax went through.
2. A tax on oversized beverages. Michael Bloomfield got it wrong: the best way to regulate it is to tax it.
3. A tax on giving babies unusual names. They actually do that in Sweden already.
4. A tax on excessive copulation. Okay, I know: how's the government going to know? Well, do copulation tax reporting on the honor system; and have full public disclosure of taxes paid. Hmmm . . . . some guys (and gals) might go for bragging rights.
5. Some states should consider levying a tax on unconventional plant containers, such as old automobile tires, toilets, and garbage pails.
6. How about a tax on bikini waxes? [No! They're expensive enough as it is.]
7. Lengthy graduation speeches and sermons should be subject to taxation. Now that would be a popular levy!
8. New ground could be broken by taxation of Christmas decorations: those that persist into February, those that are musical, those with lewd elfs, and so forth.
Okay, how about some real ones?
1. Chicago taxes soda bought in a bottle at a rate of 3%, but taxes soda from fountains at a rate of 9%.
2. In Tennessee, there is a tax on all litigation. The amount varies case-by-case but it can be as low as $1 for a parking violation case. The tax tends to discourage frivolous lawsuits.
3. Minnesota has a special tax on fur.
4. In Kansas, tethered hot air balloon rides, on the other hand, are considered to be an amusement ride and therefore are subject to sales tax.
5. Japan imposed a tax on whiskey which is based on the percentage of alcohol by volume, so Japanese whiskey manufacturers began diluting their product with water to avoid the tax. European whiskey manufacturers were prohibited from doing so; therefore, Japanese whiskey had an advantage in Japan.
6. Texas lawmakers imposed a $5 tax on establishments that host live nude shows and also allow alcohol consumption on their premises. Since strip clubs are the businesses that are affected by it, the tax was nicknamed the "pole tax".
7. Many cities and states levy a "jock tax" on any income earned by entertainers and athletes while working in that city. Therefore, athletes have to pay taxes on a portion of their income in any place they play. Would they still be taxed if they went commando?
8. Pennsylvania, and New Jersey exempts pumpkins from a sales tax but only if they will be eaten and not carved.
9. Tennessee requires drug dealers to anonymously pay taxes on any illegal substances they sold.
10. Although marijuana is illegal on a federal level and in most states, many states impose taxes on the sale of marijuana.
11. Arkansas imposes a 6% sales tax on body piercings and pet grooming.
12. In Chicago, candy that is prepared with flour is taxed as food at 1%, while candy that is prepared without flour is taxed as candy at 6.25%.
13. In Florida, a sales tax holiday was created that included items like fanny packs, bowling shoes, school supplies, vests, and seemingly randomly assembled list of other items.
14. Diapers may get taxed in Connecticut, but it Depends. Diapers for infants are; but adult diapers aren't.
15. Alabama levies a 10 cents tax on playing cards.
16. In Colorado, you pay a tax on paper cup lids, but not the cups themselves. Lids are considered "nonessential food packaging."
17. At one time, England taxed houses according to the number of windows they had. This was an indirect way of soaking the rich, who presumably could afford more windows.
18. Durham, NC has a $10 tax on neutered or spayed pets. If they're not, it bumps up to $75. Sorry, Rover.
