The Louisiana Museum

There is a Louisiana Museum, featuring modern art.  Several moderns, including Picasso and Calder are on display there.  It's supposed to be in a very visually compelling setting, and makes a trip 22 miles north of Copenhagen worthwhile.

Yes, I said Copenhagen.  Of the Denmark variety.

Did the founder have any links with Louisiana?  Was he a native Louisianan, or admired the small state so?    Perhaps he was an LSU graduate?  Or maybe it was in honor of a grand time had at a Mardi Gras?

No, it's for an odd reason:  It turned out that the founder had been married successively to three women, all named Louise, and the museum was named in honor of his three wives!

Alexander Calder sculpture at Louisiana Museum

Candy Thong and Bra

I must admit that I'm totally amazed that such a product as a candy g-string or thong exists.  Presumably it is to be nibbled on as part of foreplay.  It must require the wearer to have a great sense of humor, a lack of ticklishness, and few inhibitions.  Not to mention a superlative Brazilian waxing!  And they're reasonably priced at only $11.50!

 

I fear that I am skirting the margins of taste with this topic.  Still, what a thought to have one under my skirt at work . . . .  Would it get sticky in warm weather or from body heat?

 

I wonder what the Nutrition Facts label says regarding this product.  How many calories does it have?  What is its sodium content?  And, very importantly, how many servings goes with each?

 

Suppose the candy thong or g-string is listed for two servings?  I can imaging some eagle-eyed Republican reading this, and concluding that the government is indirectly sanctioning threesomes!  Oh my, what a can of worms!  Particularly since it implies a not-often-thought-of form of threesome: two men and one woman!  They don't do that sort of thing in Florida!

 

In fact, there can be a lot of possible naive logical processes and faulty assumptions to adopt.

 

At any rate, if the thong is edible, it should warrant nutrition information.  This would at least satisfy the Democrats!  And we would not want any of our citizens becoming and living large from eating candy thongs, especially during the holiday season, when sweet treats abound.

 

Even better: You can also wear a matching candy bra for about $9.50.  The product is listed as "one size fits most."  [Sure. . . .]   After all, lingerie should match.  Very definitely you might wonder about the caloric intake that goes with a matching candy thong and bra set and how many servings they represent!  Maybe the resulting activity might serve to work off some of those calories.

 

 

 

 

Fnancial Success by Being a Unsuccessful Football Coach

Ideally, one should choose a life's work that is socially useful, stimulating, respectable, financially renumerating, and gives you joy in your life.  On the other hand, most of us mortals have to work with what we can get.

Millenials have read a number of lists of most needed and best-paying occupations; hopefully to guide them in making this golden decision.  On the other hand, some choose poorly: they become meth lab specialists, prostitutes, used car salesmen, and politicians.  But, clearly, the real magabucks come if you are lucky enough to be  Fortune 500 company CEO or a football coach.

A football coach?  Now, very few get to coach on the Division one level; and they get big bucks for doing so.   It's a high-pressure job, with the administration and alumni (less often alumnae) riding on your case if you do not at least produce a conference championship.  Respectability?  Judging by salaries, they are more highly regarded than college presidents or state governors.  Maybe I'd better not pursue this idea too much further, though!

This year, three of the 14 SEC football coaches bit the dust: Derek Dooley of Tennessee, Joker Phillips of Kentucky, and Gene Chizik of Auburn.  All of those institutions had previously replaced other coaches with them.  There seems to be a coach merry-go-round, with new riders regularly.

The result: Tennessee and Auburn have to eat the costs of the big bucks contracts by buyouts of 5 million and 7.5 million dollars, respectively.  That is serious pain for all but Harvard and Yale, institutions that might be satisfied with victories over Vermont Home for Unwed Mothers or Massachuetts or Dartmouth.  Kentucky, by contrast, was in the hole by only 2.5 million dollars.  Presumably they put their money in basketball.

So this my cunning plan:

1)  Get hired as a Head Coach at some ACC or SEC university with a multi-year, multi-million dollar contract.  This would require persuasive skills to be enumerated later.

2)  Absolutely guarantee the fans a victorious season in the first year, a conference championship in the second year, and a national championship in the final year.  Promise them beans, and deliver a flatus.

3)  Give a lot of rah-rah speeches to alumni groups and appar on Sports Talk Radio to work everyone's expectations to their max.

4)  Now the cunning plan begins to take place:  First, have a loss to a homecoming game-quality opponent, followed by an embarrassing loss to a conference opponent.

5)  To adjust for problems on defense, I will hire some clown to deal with defense problems.

6)  If the offense is feeble, I will try new strategies, like drop-kicking field goals and punting on third down.  Hey, Carrot Top would make a neat offensive line coach!

7)  Hopefully, by mid-season the football fanatics will holler for my head; and I will have to take up lodging in a downtown hotel under an assumed name.  The hue and cry to fire me will grow and grow.

8)  Finally, the university will fire me, and continue to honor my multimillion dollar contract.  Imagine: getting paid without working!

9)  I will then immigrate to the Cote d'Azure and finish out the season, leading a life of indolent bliss.

10)  After two or three years of living incognito, I will make occasional appearance as a sports commentator on ESPN.

All I need now is to convince some naive Athletic Director who will sell me to the alumni. 

However, my reverie aside, probably the best I would be hired for is Assistant Cheerleader Coach.

The Prophetess Madeline Tees Off on Yankee Sex Tourism

[Toward the end of the 10 A.M. Morning Show on Action News]

Al Gautreaux:  Now for further developments, here's Missy Chauvin...

[Camera cuts to a scene of noisy ladies carrying protest signs.]

Missy:  So what is new in New Orleans?  The Prophetess Madeline has brought up what she thinks to be an increasing problem.  Ms. Prophetess, what are you and your associates from St. Cletus Parish protesting?

Madeline:  I'm glad you asked, Missy.  We're protesting what we see as increasing problem: Yankee sex tourism.  Each year hundreds of predatory Yankee women descend on the South to seduce our innocent Southern men.  This primarily occurs just after football season.  These are largely women in their thirties referred to as cougars; they zip into New Orleans, Memphis, Nashville, or even Charlotte and seek out our unsuspecting guys where they take advantage of them while they are most vulnerable: in that period between the Super Bowl and the NCAA Tournament.  Of course, the more hardy ones also come down in the summer.  I tell you, cher, it is a scandal!  C'est vrai!

Missy:  C'est dommage!

The Director (through Missy's earbud):  Talk English, Missy!

Missy: I mean, that is a shame!  And what does your group propose?

Madeline:  We propose that the City Councils of all Southern cities enact dress standard laws.  And laws that require that, if a room is occupied by two adults, that they be married to each other.  And, stronger yet, a four drink limit on Bourbon Street and other entertainment areas.

Missy:  How likely do you think the Council will go along with that?

Madeline:  Er . . . . maybe those ideas need reworking a bit.  We are thinking that additional sports, like soccer and beach volleyball, might be incorporated as wholesome distractions during the time between football and basketball.

Al:  Now I can deal with that!

Breast Enhancement, Ancient Greek Style

To improve on nature seems to be a common wish, especially when it comes to matters of breast enhancement. There are the bust-enhancing cremes (do cremes work better than creams?), tissue, bra inserts, and (as a final resort) breast implants. Currently this is the most common form of cosmetic surgery.

Apparently this was a desire back in ancient Greece also. Hippocrates, the Father of Medicine, proposed singing as a means for the damsels of ancient Greece to enhance their assets! Now this should be looked into as a non-invasive technique.  After all, he comes highly recommended by history! Remember: The ancient Greek plays had those Greek choruses! Maybe they were so popular for that reason! Even when they imitated the singing of the frogs in Aristophanes' play by that title. Maybe when Agammemnon or Oedipus met their demises the audience could at least go out smiling by what is happening to the chorus.

On the other hand, were there many chorus boys?  Did this cause an upsurge of Hellenic moobs? 

Singing lessons, anyone?  Should I join the choir?  Maybe that's why being in the choir is popular in some churches!  Some more immediate, temporal rewards follow.



A former member of a Greek chorus.

The Joys of Being Boring

Several years ago, Forbes magazine had an article on the Ten Most Boring Cities.  Which places marited this dubious claim to fame:  Chula Vista, CA, Chandler, AZ, North Las Vegas, NV, Bakersfield, CA, Aurora, CO made the list, as well as a few other dull places.  You can read it here, if you are okay about slide shows:

http://www.forbes.com/2008/12/10/media-newspapers-news-biz-media-cx_jz_1210boringcities.html

As contrasted with Detroit, New Orleans, Washington, and a number  of other places recognizable without state suffixes, this may not be a bad thing, as places often get into the news for the wrong reasons.  Thinking about the Forbes list, the ones on it seem to be moderately sized (by Southern standards, at least), be near or suburbs of more prominent cities  (It's hard to compete with your neighbor if it's Las Vegas or Los Angeles), and have increased population recently so as not to have an extensive history.

I'm surprised that Shreveport did not make the list.

However, I must quibble with the Forbes criterion:  Is not often making the news really boring?  Is that a legitimate usage when talking about other possible instances of boredom?

Obviously, most boring student is a term never encountered in schools.  In that setting, more emphasis is bestowed on the academic stars, the athletes, the cutest, the most troublesome, and the most menacing.  The garden variety kid gets overlooked.   

For example, who would be the most boring NFL quarterback?  It certainly would not be a leader of a Super Bowl-bound team, or one who is demonstratably religious.  It possibly could be a singularly inept player, though.  When the New York Mets baseball team emerged from the primal ooze, they supposedly were legendary in their clumsiness. But, they were not boring!

Or, what was the most boring movie?  I'm sure everyone has his or her own opinion on this.  Consult rottentomatoes.com for some possibilities.  Or most boring television show?  Just play television remote roulette!

Let's go esoteric.  Who is the most boring anime girl?  I'll bet she does not wear a sexy superheroine costume or have interesting superpowers!

When it comes to food, we employ the term "comfort food."  This is typically food that is high in carbs, not highly seasoned, and food associated with your childhood or place of origin.  Some people might call it "boring" but your feelings toward it do not fall into that category.  Sometimes it's nice not to be challenged.

And we should never forget that boring can sometimes be a good thing.  Consider the most boring politician.  Now this fellow might not be a media darling since he gives little for them to write on; but he serves responsibly, does not say dumb things, has no extramarital flings or scandals, promotes beneficial legislation, and gets along with people of the other party.  To my way of thinking, this is a desirable trait.  And I would support a candidate of either party that was like this.

I dimly recall that one of the Republican nomination contenders fit this; or perhaps it was because he didn't make the news much except for a brief mention.

Obviously, it won't get him or her into the Presidency; but perhaps the constituents are well-served just by someone doing his job.

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I'm sorry; but I had to re-install Word Verification because my blog was starting to get a lot of ads in the replies.  I wish it wasn't this way; but they were beginning to clutter and some I was not sure of their content.
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So, returning to the concept of "boring cities."  A small town in Oregon apparently got the spirit of this.  To make their point crystal clear, they even named it Boring.  It's not far away from the irredeemably interesting Portland.

Time at the Beach

I took a few days off down at 30A, the Rosemary Beach - Seagrove area in Florida.   It is near Panama City, but  is more leisurely and less party-oriented than P.C.  No, it's not tacky.  The prime recreational activity involves taking leisurely strolls on the sand.  The water is too cold to swim in; but wading in is okay until your toes get too cold.  Many visitors dress beach-style in swimsuits or shorts, but possibly might accessorize with a windbreaker.  We stayed in a upstairs room above a carriage house.

This outing was quiet, romantic place for relaxation, rather than rowdy. Rowdy is okay, but tiring.  What's it like in a off-season coastal town?  It's quiet, serene, and less expensive.  And less fashion-conscious.  A cup of coffee and a chocolate pie or ice cream is the afternoon delight.

Namaste!

Well, maybe not that much . . . . Later, after returning to the grindstone, I had some flu virus that kept me inactive upon returning.  I'll post something more extended when I'm at full speed.