Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Prophetess Madeline Tees Off on Yankee Sex Tourism

[Toward the end of the 10 A.M. Morning Show on Action News]

Al Gautreaux:  Now for further developments, here's Missy Chauvin...

[Camera cuts to a scene of noisy ladies carrying protest signs.]

Missy:  So what is new in New Orleans?  The Prophetess Madeline has brought up what she thinks to be an increasing problem.  Ms. Prophetess, what are you and your associates from St. Cletus Parish protesting?

Madeline:  I'm glad you asked, Missy.  We're protesting what we see as increasing problem: Yankee sex tourism.  Each year hundreds of predatory Yankee women descend on the South to seduce our innocent Southern men.  This primarily occurs just after football season.  These are largely women in their thirties referred to as cougars; they zip into New Orleans, Memphis, Nashville, or even Charlotte and seek out our unsuspecting guys where they take advantage of them while they are most vulnerable: in that period between the Super Bowl and the NCAA Tournament.  Of course, the more hardy ones also come down in the summer.  I tell you, cher, it is a scandal!  C'est vrai!

Missy:  C'est dommage!

The Director (through Missy's earbud):  Talk English, Missy!

Missy: I mean, that is a shame!  And what does your group propose?

Madeline:  We propose that the City Councils of all Southern cities enact dress standard laws.  And laws that require that, if a room is occupied by two adults, that they be married to each other.  And, stronger yet, a four drink limit on Bourbon Street and other entertainment areas.

Missy:  How likely do you think the Council will go along with that?

Madeline:  Er . . . . maybe those ideas need reworking a bit.  We are thinking that additional sports, like soccer and beach volleyball, might be incorporated as wholesome distractions during the time between football and basketball.

Al:  Now I can deal with that!


Elvis Wearing a Bra on His Head said...

A very funny post! Madeline, like many religiously-inclined people, would fail to see the obvious!

John said...

A four drink minimum? Would that include four Hurricanes at Pat O'Briens? Those are about four drinks each!
(not that I would know from personal experience or anything)

Grand Crapaud said...

Bring on those Yankee ladies!

Four drinks can wreake sufficient havoc on me.

The Bastard King of England said...

In spite of the bikinis, beach volleyball is a wholesome sport.

TexWisGirl said...

30s are considered cougars?

Mike said...

I need to start following them down there.

Duckbutt said...

A four-drink limit? Isn't that called Lent in New Orleans?

Bilbo said...

I'm still waiting for one of those Yankee sex tourists to make a pass at me.

eViL pOp TaRt said...

John -- I think that would be a max. And four drinks of any kind, bust especially Hurricanes, is too too many!

Bilbo -- Agnes could handle them.

Duckbutt -- It is, for some.

TexWisGirl -- Some are precocious nowadays; maybe it's related to having had an early puberty.

Elvis -- Some can be quite like that.

Mike -- There's more on New Year's Day.

Hell Hound said...

Watching beach volleyball is my favorite spectator sport.